Chapter sixteen Astrid #2
And that’s when I know that it’s time to move on. It’s time to start fresh. It’s time to live my life knowing what it feels like to be loved and cherished and the most important person in someone else’s life.
Penn doesn’t need to know everything about my past. He doesn’t need to think differently about his best friend. All he needs to know is that I want the same things he does.
“I want that too,” I whisper as his head lifts from mine. “I want everything with you.”
The smile that overtakes his face is pure joy, contentment, and relief. “Astrid…”
But I don’t say anything else. Instead, I bring his lips to mine, seal our promise with a kiss, and vow to keep moving forward.
***
“I can’t believe this weekend has come to an end,” I mutter as I stare out the passenger window in Penn’s truck, our hands laced together on the center seat.
The coast is to our left as we head back into town and back to reality.
“I know, but I kind of miss the kids,” Penn says, making me smile.
“Sure, you say that now. Just wait until they start fighting.”
He shakes his head. “Can’t you just threaten them with Santa Claus? I mean, isn’t that the cardinal rule of parenting during the month of December? Everything goes back to the promise of no presents if they misbehave?”
“For Lilly, yes. But not for Bentley. He already knows the truth about Santa.”
Penn casts me a look. “When did that happen?”
“In the spring actually. He caught me filling Easter baskets. He told me he kind of figured that the Easter bunny wasn’t real and promised to keep pretending for Lilly, though. So, while we were on the topic, I just gave him the truth about Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Leprechaun too.”
Penn starts laughing. “I guess that’s smart.”
I shrug. “It made sense to me at the time. And it’s not like I had anyone to consult with on the matter.”
Penn squeezes my hand. “Well, in the future, I’d love to be the one you consult.” He winks at me and my stomach does a little flip.
After Penn’s confession Friday night, we spent a few more hours exhausting ourselves physically, so much so that I was able to sleep in for the first time in years.
But this morning I made Penn promise to wake me so we could watch the sunrise together.
We did, and then he woke me up even more with his head between my legs.
The man is insatiable and it just confirms everything I’ve been missing in my life—the passion, the support, the acceptance from a man for who I am and what I want.
For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like just a single mom, a widow, a woman who’s about to fall apart. I feel like a woman. I feel like me.
We spent all day yesterday cooking together, talking about future trips we could take with or without the kids, and fucking.
My God, there was so much sex. I sincerely hope that no one comments on my just-fucked glow.
Although, it’s not just the idea that someone would know that we have sex that makes me anxious—it’s the fact that soon, everyone will know that we’re together and I’m still trying to mentally prepare myself for that.
“Are you sure you don’t mind staying for dinner?” Penn asks as we get closer to his mom’s house.
“Not at all. The kids are there and then I don’t have to cook.” My answer seems simple, but my stomach knows this is just one more step to making this all real.
“You have no idea how many times I wished you could be at these dinners with me, Astrid,” he says.
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’ve always felt like part of my family, but now you get to be for real.” He leans over at a red light and kisses my cheek. “You’re mine and everyone gets to know that now.”
I can feel myself blush. Every time Penn tells me I’m his, the feminism threatens to leave my body completely.
Normally the idea of being referred to as someone else’s property would make me scream.
But with him? I want him to own me, to claim me, to take pride in being with me. And I know that he does.
When we enter Katherine’s house, chaos descends upon us. “Mommy!” Lilly shouts, rushing toward me and slamming into my legs, wrapping her arms around me.
“Hey, sweet girl. How was your weekend?”
“It was so much fun! Grandma and Katherine took us to the park, for ice cream, to the movies, shopping, and now we’re going to blow up a volcano before dinner!” She runs away from me just as quickly as she came.
Penn and I share a look. “And you were worried about her missing you?”
Laughing, I find Bentley on the couch, glued to his gaming system. “Hey, Bentley.”
“Hey, Mom. Did you have a fun trip away?”
“Uh, yeah. I did.”
“Cool.” His eyes never leave the screen, so I guess he didn’t notice that Penn and I arrived together.
I didn’t tell the kids Penn would be on the trip too because we decided to wait a little bit longer to tell them about us.
Next week is going to be chaos with the benefit and I can’t deal with heavy emotional conversations on top of preparing for one of the biggest nights of my career.
“Oh my God! You’re back!” Willow exclaims, appearing from the hallway to greet us in the entryway.
She immediately grabs me by the arm and pulls me back down the hallway, giving me no choice but to follow her.
We duck inside a spare bedroom and then she shuts the door, smiling at me creepily. “So, how was it?”
I fight to hide my smile. “It was amazing. So romantic.”
“And you’re walking funny, so I assume Penn kept you on your back most of the time?”
My mouth drops open. “Willow!”
She shrugs. “I’m sorry, but if he didn’t fuck you within an inch of your life, then the trip was a waste in my opinion.”
Laughing, I shake my head at her. “You have issues.”
She pushes off the door and sits down on the bed beside me. “No, I’m just happy for you.” Taking my hand in hers, she squeezes it tightly. “Did you two talk?”
“We did.”
“And?”
“He told me he’s in love with me, Willow,” I whisper, still trying to believe how much my life has changed in a matter of weeks.
“Well, duh,” she replies sarcastically. “Did you talk about Brandon?”
“Yes, but…”
“But what?” She stares at me intently. “You didn’t tell him everything, did you?”
“No, and I’m not going to.” I take a deep breath and say, “I don’t think it matters, Willow. He’s gone and our marriage is over. I don’t want Penn to resent him or feel like he has shoes to fill at all. I just want a fresh start.”
She nods, but I can tell she’s still not sold on the idea. “Well, if that’s what you think is best.”
“I do, but he wants to tell everyone right away, having a coming out of sorts, and I didn’t necessarily agree or disagree.”
“Why would you want to wait? I thought you were in this?”
“I am,” I assure her. “But this week is going to be crazy leading up to the Morgan event. I think I’d feel less stressed if I could just focus on that.”
She hums out loud. “Okay, I think that’s reasonable. Does he know this?”
“Not entirely. I’m going to tell him when he drops us off.”
She reaches out to hug me. “Well, I just want to say that I’m so happy for you. And him. And part of me feels like I had a hand in making this match, so I’m pleased with the results.”
I laugh at her. “It was all you, huh?” I ask when we part.
“Totally. And call me selfish, but now this means that when you two get married, we’ll be sisters-in-law.”
I reach out and grab her hand this time. “I don’t need a title to feel that close to you, Willow. Meeting you and earning your friendship has been life-changing for me too. I’m so grateful to call you my friend.”
“Don’t make me cry, Astrid,” she says as her bottom lip trembles. “I hate crying.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why it’s so fun to do.”