Chapter twelve Parker #2
Penn and Dallas throw their heads back in laughter.
“You have to understand something about our little brother,” Dallas says.
“Parker is what they call anal-retentive.” Grady nearly chokes on the bite he just took.
“He has a system for everything. And if you mess with them, he blows a fucking gasket.”
“I’m not that bad,” I mumble around a french fry.
“Um, yes you are,” Penn adds as he clasps a hand on my shoulder. “But we love you in spite of it.”
“Gee, thanks.” I look up at the ceiling. “I’m so glad I took time out of my day to have lunch with y’all just to get roasted.”
Dallas flicks me in the forehead. “Oh, calm down.”
I blink up at him. “Did you just…flick me?”
Grady chuckles and pats me on the back. “I’m sorry. That little segue was my fault. Back to Cashlynn. You said she kissed you and stripped off her bra in front of you?”
I shoot him a glare that I wish could singe off his chest hair. “Yes, and if you haven’t noticed, the woman is fucking gorgeous. I’m in quite the predicament.”
Grady shakes his head. “I’m wondering if maybe…she’s trying to drive you crazy?”
Dallas furrows his brow as all three of us look over at Grady. “What do you mean?”
“I could be way off base here, but I remember Scottie telling me about this romance novel her mom and grandma roped her into reading. The guy and girl were roommates for some odd reason, and she knew he liked her, but he wouldn’t act on it. So she did all kinds of shit to push him over the edge.”
I stare at the half-empty Coke in front of me. “Do you really think she’d do that?”
Penn clears his throat. “I mean, none of us know her as well as you do, but at the gallery that day, she had this look in her eyes when she was speaking to you.” He darts his eyes to Dallas and then back to me. “And I hate to say it, but I saw it from you too.”
“What kind of look?’ Grady asks.
“The kind that if Willow and I weren’t in the building with them, they probably would have been naked and fucking up against the wall.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t see shit,” I grumble, even as my mind unhelpfully replays that exact fantasy.
He shoves my shoulder. “Parker, it’s okay to fucking like her.”
I turn to face Penn. “This isn’t grade school. This is my fucking life.”
Dallas decides it’s time to chime in. “Yes, it is, and you’ve been wallowing and stomping through it for four fucking years, Parker.”
Penn shoves my shoulder again. “You have a woman living under your roof who you’ve already slept with, you know you have a connection with, and who is genuinely trying to help you while helping herself. You’d be a fool not to explore more with her.”
“She does give you those googly eyes,” Dallas adds. “I bet she fucking wants you and is trying to get you to make a move.”
“Then why not just tell me?”
All three of them laugh. “Oh yeah, because you’re so open to talking about your feelings,” Penn says mockingly.
“Let’s be real—none of us are. The only way Willow can get me to open up is if we have sex first,” Dallas admits.
Grady turns to him. “That’s weird. I always feel like talking about my feelings and shit after Scottie and I have sex too.”
“Fuck, me too,” Penn says as all three of them stare at one another.
And then a lightbulb clicks on in Dallas’s eyes. “Holy shit. Has Cashlynn been hanging out with the girls?”
“Uh, she had a meeting with Willow the other day at Astrid’s bakery. She said Scottie and Hazel were there for a little bit…” I grow more anxious the longer this conversation continues.
Dallas snaps his fingers. “That’s gotta be it.”
“What’s gotta be what?”
Grady smacks me on the back of the head. “They’re plotting, dipshit. I thought you were a doctor?”
I shove him away. “Fuck you, Grady. My mind is a fucking mess, okay? Between my roommate’s Jedi mind tricks and battling Seth at work, I’m barely keeping my own name straight these days.”
“Well, I think your fake fiancée knows exactly what she’s doing, and step one is making you give in to your attraction to her,” Penn says.
My face is starting to hurt from squinting at my brother as I try to wrap my head around what he’s saying. “What would possess her to do that? I already agreed to help her with this charade…”
“Yeah, but what if she wants more than just a fake engagement?” Dallas asks.
I rewind the last four weeks in my mind—all the little moments, touches, and conversations we’ve shared. The confident woman I slept with a year ago definitely wasn’t shy about her body then, but to think that she’d be trying to use it against me? I just don’t know if I believe it.
Getting involved with each other beyond our agreement opens up a can of worms I’ve kept secret for a reason.
But I can’t deny that Cashlynn makes me want to set those worms free.
She has this softness about her that makes me feel like I can let my guard down, even though sometimes when I’m around her, I feel like I have to keep it up just so I don’t feel too much.
“I don’t know that I can offer her anything more,” I admit.
Dallas leans over the bar, looking me straight in the eye. “But do you want to?”
I look into the eyes of my older brother, trying to remind myself that he faced his demons, and so did Penn. If they could do it, maybe I’m not destined to be alone forever. Maybe every relationship isn’t doomed to fail.
“Is it worth the risk?” I say, my voice so low I’m surprised they hear me.
“Fuck yes,” Dallas says, without hesitation. “Willow is the best fucking thing to happen to me, Parker. But if I hadn’t dealt with my shit, who knows what would have happened between us?”
I toss my glasses onto the bar and drag my hands down my face. “I don’t know if I can handle this right now. With Robert retiring, I already have so much going on and—”
“Let me ask you this,” Penn says, cutting me off. “If Robert chooses Seth instead of you, then what?”
My stomach twists as I turn to look at him. “I—I don’t fucking know.”
“So you’re willing to take a risk with your career, but not with your heart?
Your job isn’t going to keep you warm at night.
Your job won’t give you a reprieve from the bullshit of life.
Your job won’t show you what it really means to live.
” His tone softens, but his next words hit harder.
“I hate to say it, Parker, but you’re replaceable at your job.
We all are. But you can’t replace the people who matter, and being with Cashlynn might just help you put that all into perspective. ”
I can’t deny that Penn is right.
I have a woman right in front of me that makes me feel something for the first time in years. But can I let go of the past so I can move forward with her?
Or will I always be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
***
“Cashlynn?”
When I step through the front door, I expect to see Cashlynn on the couch working on her laptop or in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Over the past couple of weeks, that seems to be her evening routine. But the house is eerily quiet and my chest tightens as a flicker of unease creeps in.
Maybe she went out drinking?
She’s not Sasha, Parker. She’s not out drinking. That’s not her.
As I try to talk myself down from a spiral, I hear her voice down the hall. I let out a breath of relief, but then my stomach churns with fresh nerves as I remember the conversation with the guys earlier.
I had a very hard time concentrating at work after I left Catch & Release, warring with myself over what to do about my growing feelings for this woman. I know what my body wants, that much is clear. But my mind is still having a hard time catching up.
Before I can second-guess myself, I make my way to her door, hand raised to knock. But the words I hear come out of Cashlynn’s mouth stop me dead in my tracks.
“Yes, I did yoga in my fucking underwear, Hazel. Ripped off my bra and threw it on the ground in front of him, and nothing. He let me walk away without even grunting or cursing under his breath.”
Holy shit. She is trying to get me to snap. And my fucking sister is in on it.
“I don’t know. I think he’s determined to keep this platonic.” She goes silent, which I can only assume means she’s listening to Hazel on the other end of the line. “No, I’m not going to do that.”
What the fuck would my sister suggest she do now? Sit on my face so I have no choice but to lick her pussy? What a hardship that would be.
“I just don’t know if this is worth it,” Cashlynn says, her voice laden with defeat.
The sound of it guts me. Is she talking about bailing on this entire charade? Or is she giving up on me altogether?
“He’s just so…” But she doesn’t finish that sentence, probably because my sister cut her off. She’s really good at that.
In that instant, I take a step away from the door, the heat rising in my chest shifting into irritation.
So, they have been conspiring. All of them.
Well, two can play that game, ladies.
You know what they say: Payback’s a bitch.