Chapter sixteen Parker
Chapter sixteen
Parker
“Cashlynn?”
It’s after nine by the time I get home, and the front half of the house is pitch-black. The only light in the space is the overhead lamp on the stove where I see a plate covered in tin foil sitting along with a note.
I sit my bag down and head for the kitchen, picking up the paper to find Cashlynn’s handwriting.
I made dinner and was hoping we could eat it together, but I got tired of waiting.
Put it in the microwave for two minutes if you’re still hungry. I’m going to bed early.
“Shit.” I tear the foil off the plate and find chicken and rice casserole. It looks and smells amazing. Cashlynn went out of her way to make this for me, and I let her down.
Covering the plate again, I slide it into the fridge since I grabbed something on the way home.
Making my way down the hall to her room, I’m already running through what I’ll say—how I’ll explain without oversharing.
After my session with Dr. Jensen, I know I have a long road ahead, and until I’m sure I won’t bail this time, I want to keep my therapy private.
The door is cracked just enough for me to see her lying on her side, scrolling on her phone.
I push the door open gently. “Cashlynn?”
She doesn’t turn over. “I’m not in the mood, Parker.”
“This isn’t a booty call. And if it was, you’re always in the mood. What’s wrong?”
She shoots me a glare over her shoulder. “Just leave it.”
I bristle at that. “Not happening. Tell me what’s wrong.”
She turns over to look at me. “Nothing. I just thought…” She shakes her head, pressing her lips into a tight line. “You know what, just forget it.”
“Cashlynn, I’m sorry I missed dinner. I didn’t know you were waiting.”
“You know, there are these things called phones,” she snaps.
I drag a hand down my face and make my way over to the bed, sitting on the edge so I can see her.
Her face is red and blotchy, like she’s been crying.
Shit. “You’re right. I could have texted you, but…
” She blinks at me, waiting for me to continue.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had to check in with anyone, okay?
” Her face softens slightly. “I have to get used to that again, but I am sorry.”
She lets out a sigh. “I appreciate that, but I don’t know, Parker… My mind was spinning when I realized you weren’t coming home and then I wondered…”
“Wondered what?”
Her eyes search mine. “If I read this weekend all wrong.” Sitting up, she pulls the blankets around her waist. “If maybe I was the only one thinking this was more than just…pretend.”
Her words land like a punch, and I don’t even hesitate. “You weren’t wrong,” I say, reaching for her hand. “Look, I should have texted or called to let you know I was going to be late. I messed up. And I’m sorry for making you doubt me.”
“Okay… But where were you?” she asks, and I hate the trepidation in her voice.
“I had an appointment,” I answer simply, hoping it’s enough.
She nods. “Okay.”
“But I did already eat, so I’ll take the casserole for lunch tomorrow. It looks amazing. Thank you.”
I get a small smile from her this time before she slides back under the covers.
I lean down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Goodnight, Cashlynn.”
“Goodnight, Parker.”
I stand and leave, headed to my bedroom to sleep alone because I can tell Cashlynn’s still upset and my mind is racing from my therapy session.
But I pause right outside my door as I realize that I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I don’t want to be away from her.
So, after I change and brush my teeth, I return to her room.
“Parker?” she asks, sitting up as I make my way toward her bed.
“Got room for one more in there?”
She looks at me, confused. “Um, sure.”
I slide in behind her and prop my head up so I can look at her.
“Why are you in here?” she asks, looking up at me.
“Because I want to wake up next to you.”
Her eyes fill with hope. “Oh.”
I lean down and press my mouth to hers. “Yeah, oh. Now go to sleep, woman.”
The smile she gives me this time is far more reassuring than the last one. She shifts closer, and I wrap my arm around her waist, holding her against me. I fall asleep with the woman I’m finally ready to let in, even as the one from my past haunts my dreams.
***
I reach up and wipe the tartar sauce from my lips, watching Cashlynn with fascination as she takes another bite of her crab cakes, closing her eyes and moaning in approval.
“I told you they’re the best,” I say with a grin.
“I can’t believe I haven’t been out here yet.” She glances out toward the water that surrounds us. We’re sitting at a table outside of Franny’s Crab Shack on the pier as people bustle around us. This place is a Carrington Cove hotspot. “But I’ll be coming back at least once a week.”
“I think we could make that happen.” I reach for my drink and take a sip.
Cashlynn finishes chewing and then reaches for my hand. “Thank you again for tonight, Parker. I have to say it was a pleasant surprise.”
I lift her hand, brushing a kiss to the back of it. “Well, I think it was about time I took you on a proper date. And after letting you down last night, I wanted to make it up to you.”
Her eyes dip to her plate, and her smile falters slightly. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted.”
“Hey.” I tip her chin up until her eyes meet mine. “You have nothing to apologize for, Cashlynn. I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the one who didn’t communicate and made you question things, okay? That is on me.”
Her lips twitch into a slow smile. “Okay.”
Releasing her chin, I grab my napkin and crumple it up, tossing it into my empty basket. “The night isn’t over yet. When you’re done, we have another stop to make.”
Cashlynn shoves the last bite of her crabcake into her mouth and hands me her basket. “I’m done,” she mumbles around her mouthful of food, making me laugh.
“Don’t choke.” I reach for her hand to help her up from her seat, watching her swallow roughly.
“I’m good. Now, where are you taking me?”
With her hand secured in mine, we head back down the pier toward the sand where I motion for her to take off her sandals. I carry them and mine in my free hand. The feel of the cold sand between my toes instantly calms me, something I’d almost forgotten it has the ability to.
“Well, it’s almost sunset, so I figured we could watch it together from the beach. How does that sound?”
She pushes her hair from her face as the wind whips it around. “That sounds amazing.”
We stroll slowly, taking in the sound and smell of the water before Cashlynn breaks the silence. “If I lived here, I’d be down by the water every chance I got.”
“Uh, newsflash, Cashlynn. You do live here now.”
She presses a palm to her face. “Oh God. That just came out like a bad habit. You’re right. This is home now.”
“Are you second-guessing that decision?”
She shakes her head instantly. “No. Not at all. In fact, I’ve never felt more sure of anything in my entire life.”
“Damn. What’s that feel like?”
“Certainty?” I nod as she stares out at the water. “I guess it just feels a lot like the opposite of regret.”
“Like you’re afraid of regret more than taking chances?”
“Yeah. I told you before that my mom always reminded me not to live with regrets, so I guess in those moments I’m unsure about something, I think of her, try to hear her voice speaking to me.
” She closes her eyes and I watch as she lets her memories take over.
I know what that’s like. I do that sometimes with my dad—try to hear his voice, remember his smile, what he smells like, or a memory that comes over me at unexpected times.
Cashlynn’s eyes pop back open as she looks at me. “So instead of being afraid, I leap—even if I hesitate at first. Lord knows, I’ve put off this gallery idea for a while, but then something just clicked for me.”
“What was it?”
With our eyes locked, she says, “Meeting you.”
Fuck.
I stop walking and pull her into my chest. Cupping her cheek, I lean down and slowly press my lips to hers—because hearing her admit that I’m the reason she faced her fears makes me feel like maybe she’s the reason that I can finally face mine.
When we part, her eyes open slowly as she stares up at me. “What was that for?”
“For being you. The way you look at me…” I inhale deeply. “It’s unnerving sometimes.”
Her lips quirk into a smile. “Right back at you.”
I press another chaste kiss to her lips and then tug her forward again. “I’ve forgotten how much I love the feeling of the sand between my toes.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I hate to admit it, but I haven’t been down to the water in ages.” I drag my foot in the sand to my side. “You’d think living here for practically my whole life I’d take advantage of it, but work has always been the priority.”
“When you have something at your fingertips, it’s easy to take it for granted.”
I nod. “I agree. In fact, I remember when I was in college in California, every time I came home to visit, the water was one of the first places I’d go. Now I don’t come down here nearly as often as I’d like.” I cast my gaze out at the water.
“Well, maybe it’s time to change that.”
I look down at her, feeling a shift in my chest. “Yeah, I’m beginning to realize it’s time I change a lot of things.”
***
“So, Parker, how have things been in the last week?” Dr. Jensen has her pen and notepad ready to go, eager to make notes as I unload everything that’s been going through my mind in the last seven days.
I rub the back of my neck. “Well, I took Cashlynn out on a date.”
Dr. Jensen perks up in her seat. “And how did it go?”
I think back to the way Cashlynn made me feel at peace while we walked along the beach and talked about any and everything. We watched the sunset like I planned, and when we got home, I ravaged her body, showing her what my mind and heart won’t let me say yet.
“I’m falling fast for her. But…I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Still having those dreams about Sasha?”
Leaning back against the couch, I run my hands down my thighs. “Yeah.”