Chapter nineteen Parker
Chapter nineteen
Parker
“How have the past two weeks been, Parker?”
Dr. Jensen is sitting in her usual chair, notepad balanced on her knee.
I wasn’t able to see her last week because she went on vacation, but honestly, I think that was what I needed, time to process how we left our last session.
“Interesting.”
“How so?”
“Well, for starters, I didn’t like that little cliff hanger thing you pulled last time.” I wave a finger at her. Her smirk tells me she knew exactly what she was doing. “But it definitely made me think.”
“And what conclusions or realizations did you come to?” Her pen is poised on her pad, ready to capture my thoughts.
I clench and unclench my hands in my lap. “That maybe the way I remember my relationship with Sasha makes me place blame on myself, but she was responsible for the deterioration of it too.”
Dr. Jensen smiles. “Okay. Tell me more.”
“Well, it’s like you suggested…she didn’t share her struggles with me about alcohol, and even though I know that we both changed, we didn’t change together. Both of us played a part in our relationship dissolving, something I think I was forgetting to acknowledge.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Like my chest is a little lighter,” I say honestly.
She nods while jotting down a few notes.
“Okay, so I love that you’ve had some time to think, and now I want to go back to your ‘what if’ game that you said your brain likes to play with you all the time.
” Setting her notepad to the side, she uncrosses her legs and then leans forward in her chair.
“A lot of times when our minds generate ‘what if’ thoughts, they are rooted in fear and helplessness.”
“Uh, yeah that sounds about right. Those are two things I hate fucking feeling.”
“And it’s completely normal. But the good thing is, we can shift those thoughts by changing just one word.”
I lean forward, mirroring her position. “Okay…”
“Instead of thinking ‘what if,’ change it to ‘even if.’”
“Even if?” I repeat, my brows knitting together.
She nods. “Yes. For example, instead of saying, ‘What if I get hurt again?’ you say, ‘Even if I get hurt again…” My brows draw together, but she continues. “By changing one word, we give our brain the affirmation that even if something happens, we can figure it out and get through it.”
“Yeah, but how do I know that?”
She straightens in her chair. “Well, let me ask you this: Have you gotten through everything you’ve dealt with in life so far?”
“Well, yeah…”
“So, if you’ve gotten through one-hundred percent of your hardest days so far, doesn’t that feel more empowering to remind yourself that you can survive anything else that might come your way?”
I sink back into the cushion on the couch as multiple lights start to flicker on in my brain. “Huh.”
She smirks, knowing once again what she just did to my mind. And for the first time in four years, I don’t dread the idea of thinking about a future, and most importantly, a future with Cashlynn.
“Here’s what I want you to sit with this week.
One, people will always reveal themselves to you, you just have to give them time.
Part of the reason you didn’t see Sasha’s struggles was because she hid that part of herself from you until she couldn’t anymore.
What happened to her is not your fault,” she says, punctuating the last three words.
“It is entirely unfair of you to hold responsibility for her choices.”
My eyes start to sting as she continues.
“And two, love isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t always come easy.
It’s about working together to overcome challenges and face obstacles, choosing to keep fighting for each other over and over.
Love takes effort, but it’s worth it when you find someone who’s willing to fight just as hard for you.
” Dr. Jensen becomes blurry as I look at her now.
“What you need to ask yourself is, is Cashlynn that person you want to fight for?”
“I want her to be.”
“I want that for you too, Parker. But ultimately, the decision is yours.”
***
“You’re really engaged to that woman?” Christy—I think that’s her name—waltzes up to me as I make my way into the animal hospital Tuesday morning. I got the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months last night, and I think it was because of my session with Dr. Jensen yesterday.
Who knew therapy could do such wonders?
But now, my joyous morning is being interrupted by one of my female admirers, thanks to Willow posting another video.
Next time I see her, I’m taking her goddamn phone away.
“Good morning,” I say to Christy, trying to walk past her, but apparently that was a mistake.
She pulls on my shirt sleeve, stopping me in my tracks. “How long have you been seeing her? Why would you keep something like that from me?” Her eyes are wide and unnervingly intense.
I fight the urge to roll my eyes at this woman who clearly could benefit from a little therapy herself.
I take a deep breath to keep my calm. “Christy? It is Christy, right?” She nods, still holding onto my shirt.
I peel her fingers from my clothing and take a step back.
“With all due respect, you and I have never had a relationship, nor will we ever. Yes, I am engaged to the woman in the video, and she, unlike you, is respectful of personal space. I’m going to kindly ask you to refrain from showing up here again, or next time I will call the police to escort you off the property. ”
She shakes her head at me. “She’ll never make you happy,” she says as she stomps over to her car.
I grumble under my breath, “Yeah, well, at least she isn’t giving me a headache first thing in the morning.”
Stepping inside, I’m greeted by the sight of the receptionists chuckling behind their hands. “Glad I could provide early morning entertainment for everyone.”
Cassandra holds up her phone. “Hey, I had 9-1-1 ready to call in case she pulled out a pair of handcuffs to bind you two together.”
“Good to know.” I reply dryly.
“Mrs. Kingston is your first patient today,” Cassandra says, trailing me to my office.
“Great. Get the room set up and I’ll be in there in a minute.”
She leaves and I take a minute to look myself over in the mirror, grab my lab coat, and then make my rounds on a few overnight patients. But as I pass Beth’s office, voices draw my attention.
“I just don’t know what else to do, Beth,” Dr. O’Neil says.
“You can’t do anything, Robert. She’s going to make her own mistakes, and you just have to let her.”
“Why would she lie to me?” he asks, his voice heavy with disappointment.
My heart starts racing. Fuck. Does he know about the gallery? Does he know about our fake engagement?
“Well, can you blame her? You overreact to everything.”
Ha. Good for you, Beth.
“I react the way a father should.”
“Yeah, maybe if she were sixteen. But she’s going to be thirty next year, honey. This is where you have to let the baby bird fly whichever way the wind blows her.”
Honey? Did Beth just call Dr. O’Neil honey?
“I need to tell her that I know—bring it up and see what she says.”
I reach up and drag my hand down my face, growing more nervous the longer I listen. If Dr. O’Neil knows about our arrangement, that means he’s going to come for me too.
Fuck. We’re just one week away from Cashlynn’s gallery opening and a few weeks away from him making his decision about the practice, and I still couldn’t tell you which way he is leaning. But this? If he knows the truth and confronts Cashlynn about it before she’s ready, it could be catastrophic.
I walk away, even though every part of me wants to keep listening, but the receptionists just unlocked the doors, and I have patients to attend to.
If I can avoid Robert for the rest of the morning, perhaps I can talk to him at lunch, gauge how much he knows, and maybe head him off before he speaks with Cashlynn.
Or maybe I just tell him the truth myself?
But Cashlynn wanted to wait. She’s been adamant about it.
“Dr. Sheppard?” Cassandra calls me, pulling me back to reality.
“Yeah?”
“Mrs. Kingston is ready in room two.”
“Thank you.”
Knowing I have to put my personal life on hold right now, I enter the room to check on one of my favorite patients.
The rest of the morning goes by so quickly, I barely have time to dwell on the conversation I overheard this morning between Dr. O’Neil and Beth. But as soon as lunchtime hits and I head toward my office, I hear Dr. O’Neil yelling from his.
“Why did you lie to me?” his voice echoes down the hall as I make my way in that direction. “I’m so disappointed, June.”
Fuck. He’s talking to Cashlynn.
Before I can think, I’m standing in his doorway and when he turns around and sees me there, he bristles. “We’ll talk more later.” He ends the call abruptly, shoving his phone in his pocket and standing tall. “Can I help you, Parker?”
I don’t take a second to overthink what I’m about to do, I just act.
“All Cashlynn wants is for you to believe in her and trust her enough to make decisions on her own about her life. Is that really too much to ask?”
His eyebrows raise, surprised by my confronting him, I’m sure. “I don’t like my daughter keeping secrets from me.”
“Ha. That’s rich coming from you.”
He takes a step closer to me. “What did you just say to me?”
I lower my voice, but stand my ground. “I think it’s ironic that you’re upset with your daughter for not being honest when you’re keeping secrets from her too.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “I’m not sure what you think you know…”
“I know enough,” I say, debating if I should reveal my hand or wait.
“You’d better watch your tone with me.”
“Or what? You’re not going to hand the practice over to me?” I say a little too loudly. “At this point, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”