BENNETT
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I want to take the words back the moment that they leave my mouth as I watch Merritt nod and slide off my lap, finding her spot back on the bed beside me.
Fuck me.
Yet again, I’m questioning my decisions. My choice of celibacy. Literally every single thing I’ve ever decided before this moment when I’d just possessed the self-restraint of a priest from the Vatican and told her we should stop.
I’d rather pluck my eyeballs out with a dull, rusty fork than stop.
It’s like the second she’s around, I lose myself in her.
Every time I text her and she gives me a snarky, bratty response that has me grinning the rest of the day.
Or when she’s sneaking glances at me when she thinks I’m not looking.
Or the fact that seeing her is the biggest highlight of my day.
With every passing day, I’m more and more convinced that my feelings for her are real.
The way I feel about her is like nothing I’ve experienced before. They aren’t a temporary high that I’m chasing. This feels different.
I think that’s the only reason I had enough willpower to stop tonight.
Because I like her, and I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to do it right this time.
“Motherfucker,” I groan, dropping my head back against the headboard and staring up at the ceiling. I’m pretty fucking sure my dick is so hard it’s cutting off the circulation to my brain right now, making it even harder to think straight.
I’m currently about to bust through the front of my sweatpants, and I don’t need to look down to know it, so I know that Merritt knows it too.
When I look over at her, I see that she’s trying not to laugh.
“Don’t you dare laugh, woman,” I warn, shooting her a look.
She scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip and grins, lifting her eyebrows along with her hands. “Wasn’t gonna.”
“Mhm.”
I don’t bother hiding it when I reach into my pants and adjust my cock, tucking it into the waistband of my boxers.
I’m going down on a sinking ship. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep this up.
Thankfully, she puts me out of my self-imposed misery by grabbing her laptop and starting to work again, giving me a second to disappear to the bathroom to get my shit together.
I splash cold water on my face and give myself an affirming pep talk in the mirror, telling my reflection that we’re actually not as dumb as it seems like we are right now. That if there was ever a time to use the patience that we’ve been working on our entire life, it’s now.
Good things come to those who wait.
When I walk back out, Merritt’s sitting against the headboard with her computer open on her lap. Her eyes lift to mine, and she gives me a smile that makes my insides feel soft and mushy.
She’s so beautiful that sometimes she doesn’t even feel real. Like she’s this figment of my imagination that I’ve conjured up.
She’s not wearing any makeup tonight, and that doesn’t make a difference, really.
I’ve seen her with and without it, and she’s stunning either way.
Truthfully, tonight, she looks exhausted.
More than usual. There’s a slight bluish-purple tint to the skin beneath her eyes, bags from not sleeping and putting in long hours for school, and yet she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.
No question.
I could sit beside her and watch her do homework for hours and never get tired of it.
I’d find something new to fixate on. The way she chews on the inside of her lip when she’s lost in concentration or the slight little upturn of her nose.
The decoration of jewelry she wears in her ears and changes out every few days.
See what I mean by this being different?
There’s never been a single girl in my life who’s made me want to stare at her for hours.
Not one girl who I’ve brought food because I know she’s not prioritizing her well-being.
Not one where I intentionally say something dumb just to hear her laugh and tell me how stupid I am.
Never one who I’ve studied enough to know that there’s a freckle just above her lip and another by the corner of her eye.
“I’m about to press Submit,” she says as I sit down beside her. I can tell she’s still nervous, her hands slightly jittery, her breathing a tad too fast, so I reach out and grab her hand, lacing our fingers together.
Her eyes widen slightly, but I just give her hand a reassuring squeeze, sweeping my thumb along the top, and tip my head.
A trembling breath sweeps out of her as she clicks the trackpad before squealing. “It’s done. I did it. Holy shit, Bennett, I did it!”
“Fuck yeah, you did. One step closer to being a lawyer, Mer Bear.”
She glares at me, more playfully than annoyed, and bites her lip, gaze darting back to the computer. “I hope so.”
“Nah, I know so,” I say, the corner of my lip tugging up when she flashes me a devastating smile.
I fucking love that smile.
I slip my arm over her shoulder and give her a hug, pulling her close against me. “Proud of you.”
For a second, she’s tense, probably because she wasn’t expecting me to hug her, but I just couldn’t help it. I am so proud of her, and she deserves to hear it. But then she sinks against me and slides her arms around me.
“Thank you,” she whispers quietly, and for a beat, we stay just like this. Quiet, unmoving, just existing.
A moment of unexpected stillness I didn’t realize I even craved.
When she pulls back to look up at me, I feel the silence, and I clear my throat.
“Shit, uh, I didn’t realize how late it was. I should probably head out.” I shove my phone into my pocket and slide off the bed, turning back to her.
Merritt’s sitting on her knees, staring up at me with those molten amber eyes that make me want to lean in and kiss the fuck out of her. “What if you… didn’t?”
When my brow arches, she quickly adds, “I mean, what if you just stayed and watched a movie or something?”
She wants me to stay?
I’m trying not to stutter like an idiot, so I nod, lifting my shoulder nonchalantly as if I’m not secretly giddy over the prospect of her asking me.
For fuck’s sake. Play it fucking cool, Bennett. Chill.
The last thing that’s going to turn her on is you being an overeager fuck.
“I could. If you want?”
She nods. “Yeah. That would be cool.”
I have a game tomorrow night—fuck, I guess tonight now with how late it is—and I’ve got my rituals, but staying a little longer should be fine. I got more than my good luck kiss tonight, so I’m pretty sure it’ll cancel out.
I think. I hope?
I keep telling myself that as I climb back onto Merritt’s bed and settle in beside her.
I wait as she reaches over to her side of the bed and flicks the lamp off, blanketing her bedroom in darkness outside of the faint glow of the TV.
“Let me guess… Children of the Corn? Halloween? The Exorcist?” I say while she flips through the streaming app in search of a movie.
She tips her head back to look at me, a grin splitting her lips. “Nope.”
I lift a brow, and she shrugs. “Jennifer’s Body.”
Shocker.
I’m sure most guys would be overjoyed at watching anything starring Megan Fox, but I have zero desire to watch a homicidal succubus inhabit the body of a teenage girl.
Fuck, I hate horror movies.
But…
I glance from the TV to Merritt, whose eyes are already heavy, and slip my arm around her shoulders, hauling her against me.
If I have to watch a movie that’s probably going to give me nightmares, it’ll be worth suffering through an hour or two if I get her just like this.