31. Bennett
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
BENNETT
“Are you nervous?” Merritt asks as she bites into her pizza.
Pepperoni with extra cheese and extra extra banana peppers, of course.
Meaning it’s one part pizza and three parts banana peppers.
Definitely an… acquired taste for me, but I’m pretty sure I would do anything this woman asks of me.
Hell, I’d grow a fucking banana pepper garden behind my house if that’s what she wanted.
You know, for a guy who’s never had a girlfriend or anything close to it before, I think I’m kinda killing this whole boyfriend thing.
“No. Should I be nervous?”
She pins me with a pointed look, blinking. “You don’t get, like, first-day-back jitters or anything like that?
I shake my head with a shrug. “Nope. I’ve never really been nervous when it comes to school.”
Spring semester starts on Monday, and that means that we’re headed back to campus for our last semester at OU.
And I am excited…
But also kind of not.
Because it feels like there’s an invisible clock counting down in my head somewhere that brings me closer and closer to graduation, and I have no idea what’s actually going to happen once it hits zero.
Merritt and I have spent the last couple of weeks enjoying what was left of winter break and stealing every free second we could get together.
But I’ve had games and conditioning and practice.
And she’s been picking up extra shifts at the pottery studio since they cut her hours at the bookstore on campus while the majority of students weren’t there for break.
Even though it can be challenging because our schedules are so hectic and sometimes opposite, it kind of just makes me appreciate the time that we do get together even more.
I fucking swear every single time I think that I can’t get any crazier about her, I do.
I discover something new about her, something that, until meeting her, I never would’ve thought twice about.
Like how she’s obsessed with banana peppers on her pizza and has all of these colorful crystals scattered around her bedroom because she believes they all have a purpose.
How she still packs Elliott’s lunch every single day, even though he’s twelve, and could do it himself.
She loves taking care of Elliott and Dad.
Even when she’s exhausted and running on empty, she makes time to put them first.
“I always get nervous going back to school like I’m in kindergarten again and it’s my very first time.
You’d think that after all these years, I’d lose that anxious, overexcited energy, but nope, the night before the first day, I toss and turn and barely get any sleep.
My hands are clammy, and I’m jittery. I’m such a weirdo,” she groans and takes another bite of her pizza.
“Cute,” I correct her. “I think it’s adorable.”
There’s a long, thin string of melted mozzarella trailing from the pizza to her mouth, and she giggles as I reach out and pull it free. She opens her mouth to let me drop it in.
See what I mean by cute? I never imagined being in a relationship could be this… natural? This effortless.
Maybe it’s just that way because it’s with Merritt.
We’ve been sitting on her bedroom floor for the last thirty minutes, scarfing this pizza down.
And honestly, I’m waiting for her to take that last fucking bite so I can kiss the shit out of her.
Earlier, she mentioned she’d been craving pizza… So, I, trying to be the world’s best boyfriend, decided to make it happen.
I texted Elliott, asked him if he’d be cool with having pizza tonight, swung by Jack’s, and picked up two extra-large pizzas.
“You know, I’ve just been thinking about how crazy it feels that this is the last semester of our college careers. We’re graduating, Bennett.”
The wry grin I force probably doesn’t reach my eyes because my chest feels tighter when I think about it.
I know that I could tell her about how I’m feeling. I know that if there’s anybody who would understand, it would be her.
Another thing I’m really not looking forward to about classes starting again is having even less time with her this semester, now that we don’t share any classes.
I mean, what can I say. I’m a man obsessed with his girl.
And I’m not fucking ashamed of it.
Merritt purses her lips. “Do you ever get nervous when you’re about to step on the ice? Knowing all of those people are watching? I can’t imagine the pressure.”
I shrug. “Not really. Before every game, I put my earphones or some earplugs in, and I give myself the pep talk of a fucking lifetime. I push everything else out, do some deep breathing. I tell myself that everything works out for me. I can fucking do it. And I swear by it. No one can hype you up the way that you can for yourself. It’s all about mindset.
So no, I don’t get nervous,” I say, swallowing the rest of my pizza.
“Except about Creative Writing projects where I’m supposed to write a romance with the stabby girl who can’t stand me.
I was real fucking nervous about that. I still can’t believe we passed with a B on it. ”
“B plus Bennett,” she sputters. “I mean, it’s not an A, but…”
When she trails off, I reach over and press my fingers into her soft side, in that spot that makes her squirm, until she’s giggling and begging me to stop.
“My girl, always the overachiever,” I muse, tossing her a smirk.
But I know now that’s because of how important it is for her to maintain her GPA.
How much she had riding on it.
I’m fairly certain that the only reason we passed with that B plus in the first place is because Merritt wordsmithed and proofread the fuck out of what I wrote. She pored over it, editing it, making sure it didn’t sound like a bunch of gibberish on the page.
As much as I hated having to do the project in the first place, it’s kind of kismet, right?
Because it’s what brought us together. I have no doubt that it was fate.
Shoutout to Jane Eyre.
Once we’ve eaten nearly the entire pizza, Merritt closes the box, sitting up on her heels. “Do you think… I should check it again? I know I checked it like five times today, but maybe I should just check it again.”
“Baby… check it a hundred times if it makes you feel better.”
She pulls her lip between her teeth and chews on it distractedly while I stand from the floor and grab the pizza box out of her hands.
I drop a quick kiss to her lips. “I’m going to bring this downstairs and put it in the fridge. brB.”
It dawns on me as I’m halfway down the hallway that it’s been a while since I’ve climbed through her window.
Now we’re much more civilized and I’ve been using the front door.
I’ve actually slept over here twice, and her dad was cool with it.
I was worried that he wouldn’t be, but honestly, it seems like he really likes me. And fuck, that means so much to me.
I know Merritt probably doesn’t understand why her dad and Elliott’s approval is so important to me, but it’s because this is my first time doing this.
Dating someone, being a boyfriend.
And I want to do it right.
Merritt deserves me to do everything the right way.
As I pass Elliott’s room, I hear him on the other side, laughing and talking with his friends.
By the sound of it, they’re playing a very intense session of Mario Kart. And I’m not going to lie, I’m a little tempted to pop in there for a quick little side quest.
But I head down the stairs and to the kitchen, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge.
I’m grabbing a Powerade from the fridge when I hear Merritt scream from upstairs.
“Bennett!”
My heart about falls out of my fucking ass. I sprint out of the kitchen and take the stairs two at a time up to her room, nearly fucking tripping over my feet when she screams my name again.
From the doorway, I find her sitting in the middle of her bed on her knees, holding her laptop in her hands, her endless brown eyes filled with tears.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I say, rushing over to her. “Are you okay? What fucking happened?”
Her throat bobs, and for a second, she’s quiet, not answering my question. But then she finally says, “I… I got in.” The words are a nearly breathless whisper, the syllables shaky, and it takes a single split second for me to realize what she’s talking about.
My eyes widen. “You got in?”
She nods repeatedly, the tears in her eyes spilling over as a sob tears out of her mouth.
Oh, fuck.
I tug her into my arms and pull her off the bed, spinning her around as she cries.
“Of course you fucking got in, baby. Congratulations, I’m so proud of you,” I murmur against her skin, her sweet scent surrounding me, my face buried into the soft spot where her shoulder meets her neck.
I squeeze her tighter, plastering her small frame against me.
“You have no idea how proud of you I am. I never doubted for a single fucking second, Merritt. I knew you were going to get in.”
A laugh that’s half a sob bubbles out of her, and she’s nearly blubbering as she says, “I mean, I knew that the odds were good, but there’s always a chance that I wouldn’t, you know?
And I didn’t have a backup plan. My only plan has ever been to attend OU Law.
I didn’t know what I was going to do if I didn’t get accepted.
I never even thought about having a plan B.
I should always have a plan, but I didn’t.
” Her words are running together, the hot tears seeping from her wetting my shirt.
I pull back. “Hey, hey, hey.” My voice is low as I grip her chin between my fingers.
“You did this, Merritt. You busted your ass for four years. A nearly perfect GPA, one of the highest LSAT scores of anyone I know, glowing letters of recommendation, hours and hours and hours of poring over case law and LSAT prep books. Baby, you earned this. You did it. You fucking did it. You didn’t need a plan B because you were always going to get in. ”
I don’t think she has any idea just how lucky I feel to be able to share this with her.
Gently, I set her back onto her feet, but I don’t let go because I need just a few more seconds of this.
Because I’m not ready to let her go yet.
When she finally pulls back and stares up at me with her warm, beautiful brown eyes, they’re still brimming with tears.
Happiness shines so brightly on her face that it makes my heart swell in my chest.
“God, I can’t even believe it, Bennett. Like, it’s just the most surreal feeling. I mean, I know what it says—it’s right there, but it still just feels unbelievable. I’m going to OU Law.”
“Fuck yeah, you are, and you’re going to be the most badass fucking lawyer in all of New Orleans.”
Her squeal echoes around the room as she turns back to her bed, climbing on top, and she grabs her laptop, reading the email again.
I just sit beside her, relishing how fucking happy she is right now, wishing I could bottle everything about this up and save it. I twirl a piece of her hair around my finger, watching her reread it again and again.
A few minutes later, she slams it shut and flops back down onto the mattress, staring up at her ceiling. “This feels like a dream. I mean, it literally is my dream, and it’s actually coming true, Bennett.”
I lie down beside her, turning my head to look at her.
God, I want every single fucking dream she ever has to come true.
And I want to be the one to help make them happen.
I’m so fucking crazy about her. And I’m so proud of her.
But it also has guilt clawing at my insides, because there’s that tiny buried part of me, that place in the pit of my stomach, that tugs because of my own insecurities, my own doubts creeping in.
My girl is getting everything she ever wanted, and I’d do anything to make that happen, but what if I’m the one who’s going to hold her back?
All that shit that Gauthreaux spewed that night at the Christmas party comes flooding back in waves that make my chest tight.
What if I never get a contract?
What if it’s true—what if I’m just going to be a fucking loser who’s stuck here with no clue what he’s going to do with his life because all of his plans fell short.
What if I’m dating the most beautiful, talented, brilliant woman in the fucking universe, and I don’t have shit to offer her because my own fucking future is currently the world’s greatest mystery.
My future feels out of reach, and I can’t help but think… who even am I without hockey?
Of course, it isn’t that I can’t be happy for her. There’s nothing that makes me happier than knowing that this is her dream coming true.
I’m just… I’m scared.
Scared because I’m falling in love with Merritt. Fuck, no, I’m already in love with her.
There’s no way that what I’m feeling isn’t love.
And while her future is secure and stable, I want mine to be too. And I want her to be part of it.
I just want to be enough for her.
I want to be the best man I can for her.
I want to show my family that hockey is not just a pipe dream. That it’s going to be my career for the rest of my life until I retire.
I’ve been performing well the last few months in the net, feeling more like my old self.
We’re winning games. But even now that I’m out of my rut, there’s still been no interest. With every day that ticks by and no scouts coming to watch me play, nothing in my inbox, and no agents beating down my door, the more worried I get.
But today is about her. Not me.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, baby,” I whisper to Merritt, watching her face light up as a soft, proud smile pulls at her pink, pillowy lips.
“Thank you.” Reaching over, she curves her palm along my jaw, sweeping her finger tenderly along the edge. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
I scoff. “You would’ve done it no matter what, Merritt. I’m just grateful to be a part of your life, to get to witness your brilliance.”
I just hope she gets to see mine too and that I can make her a fraction of how proud she makes me.