35. Merritt #3
It feels like the most divine sign from the universe that I picked the right man. That I trusted the right man with the most important part of me… my heart.
I pull my lips away when something he said tugs at the back of my mind, and I peer down at him.
“Wait… What did you mean by not knowing if hockey is your future?”
A ghost of discomfort passes across his face, and I feel him tense. Did something happen?
“I’m graduating in three months, and I’ve got no interest. No offers. My season started out rocky, I was off my game, and even though, aside from tonight, it’s been incredible since then… I think it’s time to accept that I might not play professionally.”
My mouth hangs open. “Bennett, you’re incredible. There’s no way that is not going to happen.”
He shrugs. “It might. It might not. It’s just…
been something I’ve struggled with a lot this year, more in the last few months.
My purpose, my future, wondering if I’m really good enough to make it in a career that’s built with the best of the best. I don’t know if I’m one of those guys.
All of this has made me question what happens next if it’s not hockey? What’s my plan B?”
I’m torn between throttling him for doubting his abilities, doubting how truly amazing he is on the ice, and wanting to wrap him up tighter than ever, comforting that very same part of him.
I curve my palm along the sharp edge of his jaw and force him to look at me.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’ve felt this way? This whole time, you’ve been suffering in silence, and I had no idea, Bennett.”
His eyes glint with vulnerability. “I just didn’t want to take away from all the incredible things happening for you. You got into law school, baby. My shit feels heavy, and I didn’t want to steal your joy. It’s my job as your boyfriend to make you happy.”
“Bennett…” I breathe, shaking my head. “We’re supposed to lean on each other. You should never have to go through something like this alone. You can always talk to me about anything. God, I just feel so horrible that I’ve been over here celebrating without a care in a world, and you were hurting.”
“No. That’s exactly what I didn’t want,” he says firmly.
“Our relationship was so new, and I guess I just didn’t want to bring us down by bringing it up.
Every time I thought about telling you, it just didn’t feel like the right time.
And it’s already been stressful and disappointing to talk to my parents about all of this.
The more I thought about the possibility of me not achieving my dream…
I don’t know, the more scared I got. And then I met you and was even more afraid because I want to be a man worthy of you. ”
“Being worthy of me has nothing to do with hockey, Bennett. You are worthy of me because you love me, perfectly, all of me. Because you are a good man with a beautiful, tender heart. Because you have shown me what love truly is, and that is what makes you worthy. Not what your job is or what your future holds. And you’re not going to give up, even when it seems far away.
I won’t let you. So what if you haven’t been approached by a team yet?
It doesn’t mean that it’s not going to happen.
Things happen when they’re supposed to, and it doesn’t always align with the timelines that we’ve set.
Sometimes you have to trust that even if you think it’s late or out of reach, you’re enough.
I need you to believe in yourself the way that I believe in you, Goalie. ”
His mouth kicks up in a small grin, and my eyes trace the curve of his lips. “Believe in yourself the way you believe in me. You’re the king of hyping me up when I’m letting my intrusive thoughts win, are you not?”
“Someone’s gotta protect that big beautiful brain of yours.” He laughs.
“Exactly. So, give yourself the same grace and energy. You can still be drafted.”
Bennett shakes his head, chuckling. “No, baby. I can’t. I’m past the draft age.”
“Okay… So then how does this work?”
“Once I finish the season, if there’s an organization that wants me, I can sign as a college free agent, but not until I play in my last game.
There have been a few scouts that have shown interest before, but there’s not a lot of buzz right now.
I’m hoping like fuck that changes in the next few months. ”
“Hey.” I say, grasping his chin between my fingers, “It will happen. And you’ve got your family, your friends, me… we’re all by your side when it does. Okay?”
He runs his palm along my hair, tucking a strand behind my ear, giving me a sweet smile.
God, I love this man.
So fucking hard.
“Alright, baby. Might need you to run some drills with me. You’re supposed to be helping me with my stamina, aren’t you?” His brow curves, and that grin turns roguish.
“Oh yeahhhhh, that’s right, I am.” I look back over my shoulder at the clock above the stove. “Looks like we’ve got approximately fifteen minutes to work on it before your family gets back.”
The words aren’t even out of my mouth yet before he starts toward the stairs, a giggle tumbling out of me.
“Yeah, I only need like… five.”