Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
“‘It’s one thing I can’t stand—the equipment,’” Rae read from her book. Her voice had been miles away. Every day, I got a little closer to it. Rae’s necklace helped me build a bridge back to her. And today, I could move my fingers. I could cross the bridge in its entirety.
My nails were shorter than I remembered, so when I curled my fingers around the silky blanket, I could barely maintain a grip.
“‘In those old days, things weren’t built better, but hell, I did like to get my hands dirty,’” she continued. “‘It always made it…’”
I opened my eyes, blinking twice to clear away the blur.
The heavy quilt covering me smelled like Wilson’s aftershave.
The paintings on the walls were the ones the university shipped back to him per his request. I always wondered how much he’d left behind.
Wondered if I should offer to get it or if he preferred the past to stay that way.
“You were carrying it all this time…” My throat was dry, the words almost impossible to get out.
Rae tossed down the book, coming to my side. “Octavia?”
“Right?”
She shook her head, ignoring my question as her gaze darted all over my face and body. Her hands were a welcome chill. I let her press down on the skin underneath my eyes. She held her phone’s flashlight up, shining it into my face.
“Look this way,” she said quickly, as if she were running out of time. “And the other way.”
“I’m taking that as a yes,” I muttered as I followed her command. My head pounded, and my tongue tasted of sand.
“Can you…um…tell me your name?” Her eyes were red and watery.
I tried to push myself up, but a sharp pain shot through my side.
“Don’t move.” Rae pressed a hand to my shoulder, gently nudging me back down.
“Of course I can tell you my name.” I winced and closed my eyes for a second.
“Well?”
“I’m finding it.” I waved her away. “You’re Rae, though. Rae Jones. I know that at least. Something tells me that’s more important.”
“It’s not.” She laughed a little and tugged the blanket over my arms. “I’m going to get your brother and everyone else.”
“Wait.” I grabbed her wrist, using what little strength I had to keep her in place.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I just…” I licked my lips, trying to figure out how to explain to her how long I’d been gone.
What it’d been like to be inside my head for what seemed like years all alone.
What it’d been like to think about her every day and nearly what-if myself to death.
“Could I look at you for a second? For a second, could it just be us?”
Rae let out a soft sigh. The bed dipped under her weight. I slid to her side. “Sure.”
“I missed you.”
She looked away for a second. I grabbed her hand, interlacing her fingers with mine.
I squeezed her fingers a few times, hoping she’d meet my gaze again.
“Rae? Can you look at me? I’ve been dreaming about this forever.
Well, I think I was dreaming. If one can fall asleep in a dream.
But after everything that’s happened, I think nothing’s too far-fetched. ”
Rae brushed at her cheeks and turned to me. She squeezed my hand back.
“Tell me your name,” Rae whispered, and when I didn’t immediately respond, she added, “Do you remember what happened?”
I was supposed to tell her about being lured into the stable, waking up with a copilot in my body, and then being tied up and sat on some ritualistic symbol to rid me of my demonic hitchhiker.
Instead, I said, “You took me canoeing, and I think I knew I would fall in love with you if you stuck around long enough. I remember being in the RV where you said you didn’t want to go.
But I couldn’t imagine you actually staying and being happy because seeing you with your team and on stage…
I’d never take that from you. But I dreamed about it for a bit.
Not taking, but giving you something different.
Give you me and this home, and that being enough.
I dreamed I was enough. It was a nice dream, that’s what happened. We were a nice dream.”
She shook her head, but instead of pulling away and telling me this was all too much, and she would remain a hunter until the end of her days, and I would remain at Elmwood, thinking about her for the rest of my life, she kissed me.
Rae cupped my cheeks and gently parted my mouth.
I clung to her, pulling her against me so her weight rested on my chest. The curve of her was a lifeline.
I longed to mold myself into it, praying it’d imprint on my skin so whenever she left, I’d have the outline of her forever.
“To hell with dreams,” she whispered against my lips.
I smiled. “To hell with most of what’s happened lately.”
Rae nodded in agreement. “I’m going to stay.”
My heart was in my throat, blocking me from the million thoughts tumbling through my brain.
“Maybe not forever. I don’t know if you’d be able to tolerate me for that long.”
“Shut up.” I pulled Rae closer, kissing her again. “You can’t.”
“And why not?”
“Because you…you’re Rae, and you love being on the road, and you love diners and beautiful, unsupportive block heels, and getting to know people and saving them.”
“Staying here doesn’t take any of that from me,” she promised. “I still love all those things. Except now, I love you even more, and separating from you would taint everything else. Now, if you don’t want me to stay, I completely understand and respect that. I’ll leave—”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I brushed the tears from her cheeks.
This beautifully brave woman never seemed even remotely close to shedding a tear or being unsure of herself.
This beautifully brave woman who’d been hiding all her insecurities, trying to figure out where she fit in.
“Of course I would love for you to stay. Love to spend every day on this ranch with you.”
“Yeah?” Her eyes were wide as if she’d been expecting something else.
I would laugh again if her hope didn’t pierce right through my soul. “Of course. Who else will give you notes on your book? Someone’s got to keep you in check. Manage the ego.”
She laughed when I nudged my chin toward what she’d been reading before. I kissed the inside of her palm, inhaling the cocoa butter on her skin.
“A demon possessed me,” I whispered, sobering.
Rae’s smile faded. “Then, we created a prison in the stable.”
I nodded, vaguely remembering. “And I hid in the cabin.”
“The cabin?”
“My safe space. An anchor until I figured out how to make my way home.”
At first, I’d been trapped inside and in silence for days.
The demon left, ripped away by whatever Rae and her team had done.
But I couldn’t go outside of the cabin anymore because nothing existed outside of it.
Everything had gone dark. The demon had taken parts of my inner world with him, leaving behind a void.
So as the days went by, I had to rebuild.
I lived in the cabin, stitching together old memories. Rae’s necklace warmed me throughout the process, a source of power to maintain my sanity. Another anchor to the real world as I built my bridge and reclaimed my mind.
She held my hands between hers, pressing them to her chest. “You made a shelter, you saved your mind, and now you came back.”
“To you,” I said. “Because I had one question that kept bugging me when I was in there.”
Rae tilted her head to the side as she studied me. “What’s that?”
“Do you always keep that sticky note in your pocket?”
She straightened and almost laughed. “What?”
I gestured for her to reach into the pocket. “I saw it when we were all on the porch that night.”
She released a laugh and pulled out the crumpled sticky note with my name on it.
“I’m Octavia.” I smiled down at the sticky note.
“That’s cheating,” she murmured, letting me hold it.
“Just needed a little help.” My stomach did flips. She’d been carrying this around for months.
“It’s almost fitting,” she teased.
I looked up. “Hm?”
“The name. It’s almost as pretty as you are.” Rae tucked a loc behind my ear. She kissed me, and it was a lengthened welcome home, welcome back to where you belong, and a thank you for giving me you; it’s enough. Now, have me.
I playfully bit her lower lip, accepting her offer before pulling away.
“But we fit just right,” she murmured against my lips.
I slipped the sticky note back into her pocket. “That’s one thing I’ll always believe in.”