Chapter Eighteen
Carlos
I didn’t know what Selena felt or thought about my words and actions. She did have a look of shock afterward, though. Then she became unusually quiet.
Chingar, I hope I didn’t fuck everything up.
Selena was the kind of woman who was used to being independent and she was a kickass warrior like I had already told her several times. So I wasn’t sure how she would feel about actually sharing her life with me. Like getting married and having children.
I was highly aware of the path she had been on prior to meeting me.
Oh, yes. I knew where she had been. The dark world she had submerged herself in.
You don’t allow yourself to care for anyone.
You can’t. It would be seen as a weakness.
Then you become a target. You are no longer powerful.
I came from there. And I never wanted to go back. I wouldn’t ever do that.
I didn’t realize that I was going to do that at all either.
Tell her how deeply I felt about her and publicly too.
I never looked that far ahead. Honestly, it surprised me too.
I think it was the influence of my coma-induced dreams as I call it now.
Not that I did not mean it. I did…With all my being.
We checked out and the purchase was somewhere in the four thousand dollar range. Orale, I never spent that much on clothing even when I was at the top of the crime world.
Next, we went to buy real luggage that looked high class as Rain put it.
We were supposed to be well to do as Henry put it.
The two men seemed to be in charge of all this, although I think they knew that Selena was the one who really called the shots.
They seemed to be impressed by her too. Not that I felt just impressed.
No, I finally had to face it after the vow I made today.
I was in love with Selena Gomez. Not lust. Not infatuation… L.O.V.E.
I also realized quite a few things about myself.
I was too selfish to fall in love before I hit that tree.
People said I was a cocky asshole. I remember Ignacio, a cousin of mine that had the guts to face me and tell me exactly that.
I paused, then I laughed. The bad part is that it was not funny.
I covered my pain and hatred with that self-centered bad boy act.
The rumors about me were notorious. And I wanted it that way.
I flirted with many women to keep the cover too.
As a man, I loved looking at them but many around me believed that I actually went to bed with most of them.
Untrue. I rarely did so.
I was too involved in the bloody legacy of the Castillos to even consider frivolous outings.
I acted cavalier while I was anything but.
Despite detesting my father and every part of his organization, I still fell into the trap of power and violence.
I bided my time. Half the time I just left it to fate.
I felt helpless as I was not running my own life.
My father ran it. I allowed it due to fear for my sister and those twins.
Hatred and bitterness rode me as I truly became a vessel of bad intentions.
Especially after Santiago told me the truth about executing Alex and taking Gabriela’s children from her.
His blackmail over me furthered my worst qualities.
All while I never even realized that my father had won.
With the man I’d become he was victorious, but I was too dumb and blind to see it.
Selena also wouldn’t be where she was today if it hadn’t been for the actions of my father.
It hurt my heart to know that she had used her college money to get trained to join a cartel in order to exact revenge for her brother’s death.
Then there was the fact that I was also a focus of that revenge.
She believed I knew of what happened to Alex for all that time, that I went along with it. Or that I never cared about it.
“Pedro!”
The name cut into my thoughts and I raised my gaze to look over at Rain. “Mierda! I am not used to that name.”
“You best get used to it.” He smirked at me. “My sweet Agnus and I decided that we all need a new pair of shoes.”
“Yes, darling,” Henry told Rain. “So you and I had better get some swanky boots. They are all the rage right now. Sick as they say. Just sickass cool.”
Again… we all looked over at him.
He shrugged. “I am getting into character.”
Rain scoffed. “No, you are acting like yourself.”
We all laughed, including Henry.
Finally, we looked for shoes and that was fun too.
At one point, Henry had put on high heels. No one in the store even blinked as the six foot three male sashayed around in five inch pink stilettos.
Rain leaned in close to me and whispered, “These people are sickass for not even noticing.”
Selena and I grinned at him.
Rain then turned to catch Henry as he had been in the middle of falling face forward in his heels.
Henry immediately sat down and took off the stilettos. “So apparently, I’m not that cool.” He then shushed Rain who had opened his mouth to comment.
After the shoe shopping, we then went to one of the mall’s many restaurants for an early dinner. This one was expensive and as Henry called it, swanky.
I did have to admit that having this Black Card gave us an astonishing amount of freedom.
We didn’t have to worry about money for this trip.
Then suddenly, I wondered how I would live after this was over?
I hadn’t thought about this until now. I did have a bank account somewhere, a few of them in fact.
But I would never use them again. Those accounts were literally infused with blood money.
Made from drug deals, selling guns and other illegal items. All for Santiago's Powerball.
Now that I was in the real world and free from that coma, and free from crime… reality was moving in. However, I got ahead of myself. Who knew if I would even survive this so-called rescue?
Si, it was true. I never thought beyond the day we would have them with us.
Alex and Hope. That had been what Gabby named them.
Who knew what they believed their names were by now?
And did they even speak English? They had been in Catemaco since they were babies.
There were so many questions and possible scenarios to consider about these two kids.
“Earth to Pedro.”
I looked over at Selena who sat next to me as we waited for our meal. “I am so sorry, my love.” I reached over and took her hand in mine to kiss her knuckles.
Selena smiled at me. “You have been a world away.”
I gripped her hand in mine. “I am now moving around in the real world. I have been contemplating so many things. Then this trip, the kids, all of it.”
Rain cleared his throat.
We looked over at him.
Raising his wine glass, he said, “Courage, my children. Don't you see that we are leaving on a mission? They pay our fare in the bargain. What a piece of good luck. The thing to do now is to pray well in order to win as many souls as possible.”
We all stared at him.
“Orale, Rain,” I exclaimed.
“That is more of Saint Maximillion’s verses, isn’t it?” Selena asked Rain.
“Yes,” Rain replied. “You see, I chose him as my hero even before this mission. Not that I or anyone I have ever known could attain the holiness he possessed.”
“What did he do that was so holy?” I asked.
“He was a Catholic priest but not just any priest,” Selena replied. “His flock was in Poland. A Nazi held Poland. He helped the Jews to escape and he hid many of them and for that he was sent to Auschwitz. The SS had arrested him for his active resistance against the Nazi occupation.”
Rain leaned back and studied her. “So you know that whole story?”
Nodding, she sighed. “It doesn’t have a happy ending.
He wasn’t slated for death at first, due to being a priest. But after a prisoner escaped, Nazi officials selected ten men to starve to death in retaliation.
Kolbe volunteered to take the place of one of them, a man who was a husband and he had children too. Kolbe died for him.”
We all stared at her.
I felt amazed by her and the story.
She shook her head at us. “Yes, I can see the disbelief on your faces. Why would a hit woman for the Diego Cartel know of such things?”
“Yes, exactly my question,” Henry agreed. “I mean I get that Rain here has to know everything in the world. But you do not seem like the type to know about saints and such.”
“The truth is…” she paused as if she wondered if she should share her secrets with us. “Before I came home to find Alex still missing and then discovered that he was never coming back. I intended to become…” she paused to look up at me and said, “...a nun.”
I admit it, my jaw dropped. I believe the same held true for my two amigos. They looked astounded as well.
“The hell you say!” Henry exclaimed then his face went a bit pink as he tried to backtrack. “I mean—not hell but…” He shook his head as he looked gobsmacked.
Rain agreed with Henry for once, “You are telling us that you were set to be a nun, but instead you became The Blade? Like you turned from the church to the mafia?”
Selena nodded. “When I found out that my sweet brother was murdered, I had too much rage to be a servant to the Lord. The news rose up at me like a fork in the road. One led to harmony and peace. The other led to revenge and retribution.”
Reaching over, I took her hand in mine. “You perhaps cannot ever become a nun and I am glad for that. I must admit.” I then gasped as I remembered something. “He said that you gave up your light to enter the darkness!”
“He?” Rain asked.
I nodded and decided to simply admit it outright to my two friends, “While in my coma, Alex spoke to me. He told me things. And I have been remembering them for the last few days.”
Selena lowered her head. “I did become a dark person. I was just so angry, so bitter. This I know. I don’t think I can come back from that. Not with the fact that I spilled blood as well.”
Rain cleared his throat and spoke, “May every fall, even if it is a serious and habitual sin, become a small step toward a higher degree of perfection.”
We all looked up at him.
Selena shook her head and finished the verse, “...the only reason why the Immaculate permits us to fall is to cure us from our self-conceit, from our pride, to make us humble and thus make us docile to the divine graces.”
“Wow…” Henry shook his head.
Rain shrugged. “Again, Maximillion and damn, Selena you know it by heart as I do. Who knew that we would need his words on this venture? But they seem to fit now.”
We went silent for a couple of minutes. It was amazing as we all walked through this dark world and did things we would never be proud of.
Yet, we now seemed to need the light. We needed encouraging words to right a horrendous wrong committed years ago.
And my old friends understood this. They knew how important this mission was.
I squeezed Selena’s hand and finally broke our reverent silence, “I also became bitter and embraced darkness over what happened to Alex. And what you did for the Diegos had been in self defense. Wasn’t that what you specifically negotiated with Quanto?
That you would not murder anyone.” I raised her hand and gently kissed it.
“Mi vida, you only did it because you loved Alex.”
“Don’t ever forget to love. This is the lot of Angels and men.”
We all looked over at Henry, who had said this. And yes, we felt surprised that he had said it.
He held his phone up and told us with a grin on his face, “I Googled Maximillion.”
Rain scoffed and asked him, “Have you ever been in love, Sir Scripture?”
I chuckled at Rain’s continuously clever and apt Sir jokes.
“Have you, Mr. Rainmaker?” Henry countered.
Rain suddenly looked serious as he leaned close to Henry and replied in a deep sexy tone, “Of course. You know how I feel about you, babydoll.” He made kissy sounds with his lips pursed.
“Eww!” Henry pushed him away as he looked grossed out.
Yes, Selena and I almost fell out of our chairs, laughing.