Chapter Twenty-Four
Iona
I ona pulled up the zip on her wetsuit, staring out at the waves. She could so do without having a paddle-boarding class today. Not that it would make any difference whether she was here or anywhere else. Monty was leaving later, and her brain didn’t have room for thoughts about anything else. If only things were different. But they weren’t. Even if she admitted how she really felt, it didn’t change the reality. He had a job to go back to. Possibly a girlfriend.
With an enormous effort, she forced her mind back to the paddle-boarding class. She had to do this. If she was lax, people would leave bad reviews – or worse, they could get hurt – and she didn’t want that.
‘Ok, let’s go over the basics again before we hit the water. Everyone remembering the key steps?’
Some general murmurings, nods and thumbs up followed.
‘Ok, great.’ She placed her board on the sand. ‘Let’s just do a few more practises of standing on the board before we get in the water. Remember, once you get in the water, if you prefer to kneel or sit, that’s absolutely fine.’
As she walked among today’s students – a group of ten, mostly in their twenties – she commented and checked their posture, but still her thoughts drifted to Monty. A smile warmed her a little when she recalled his effort at the water sports festival and his attempts to catch waves on the bodyboard. How he’d grown in confidence. The idea of him leaving was like a sharp stab to the chest. How could she bear it? Tomorrow she’d wake up and be back to the way she was before he’d come on the scene. That was only two weeks ago, and she’d been happy and content enough; there had been no question of her needing anything else in her life.
But now she’d found something else, she liked it, craved it. Losing him would throw her into grief. Maybe in time she’d learn to live with it, but for now it was agonising.
‘Ok, let’s hit the water!’ She picked up her board and led the group into the sea. She watched them paddle out, her mind still elsewhere. The students were getting the hang of it, and she tried to stay present, forcing her eyes onto them. If she watched them closely, she’d have to think about them.
‘Great job!’ she called out as one girl paddled around very confidently, keeping her balance. But time was crawling. Iona kept glancing at her watch, willing the minutes to pass faster. She couldn’t stop Monty going, but she could at least see him before he went. A weird idea was forming in her head, words she wanted to say to him, but she wouldn’t. Not unless she could be sure of his reaction. She’d never told anyone she loved them before, and saying it now, when he was about to leave, was probably a stupid idea. When they’d been together last night, she’d wanted to tell him so badly, but she’d reined it in. How could she let him know? Unless she could find a way to say it that wouldn’t be committal or final… A plan started to take shape in her mind. Maybe it was crazy, but now it was there she couldn’t let it go.
When the session finally ended, she gathered the group on the beach.
‘Well done, everyone. You all did so well. I hope you enjoyed it.’
A lot of nods of agreement followed.
‘And I see you’re booked in again tomorrow… which is great.’
The word “tomorrow” almost jammed in her throat. What would her life look like tomorrow?
The students thanked her and started to head off, chatting as they made their way to the container. Iona quickly packed up her gear, waiting to hang up the wetsuits. She paced and focused on her breathing. Why were they taking so bloody long to change today?
‘Thanks, Iona,’ a person called out as she left with her friends.
‘No worries. See you tomorrow.’ Iona waved. The rest of them started filing away, and Iona took the wetsuits and hung them on a rack outside the container. It was probably more haphazard than usual, but all she wanted was to get back to the farmhouse and see if Monty was still there.
Once everything was tidied up, she rushed back to An Grianan, her heart pounding like she’d run a marathon, not walked half a mile along the track. As she approached the farmhouse, she saw Ruaridh and Catriona talking outside. She hurried up to them, barely able to catch her breath.
‘Has Monty gone already?’ Why did she sound so desperate? But the time for beating around the bush was gone.
Catriona shook her head. ‘Not yet.’
‘Good. I need to talk to him.’
‘Please don’t do anything rash.’ Catriona gave her a pleading look. ‘This will be just as difficult for him.’
‘I won’t, I just… I need to see him.’
Ruaridh tilted his head and gave her a tight-lipped smile, perhaps aiming for sympathy. ‘I’m giving my new cousin a lift to the airport in just a few minutes.’
‘You?’
‘Yeah. I’m heading up that way anyway.’
‘Right.’ Iona frowned.
‘It’s ok.’ Ruaridh patted her upper arm. ‘I’ll take good care of him. He’s part of my family now.’
‘And you’re not upset that he and I…’
Ruaridh shook his head. ‘Na. Maybe I was a bit pissed that you’d go for someone else when you could have had this.’ He pulled an impressive bicep and laughed. Iona glanced away, smirking. ‘But you and me were never going to be together. You’re my friend, and as we’re two of the only single people on the island, it seemed like it would be a good idea, but I can see how much you like him.’
‘Thanks.’
‘He’s finishing his packing in the annex.’ Ruaridh pointed to it. ‘Go talk to him and tell him I’m ready when he is.’
Without another word, she turned and sprinted towards the annex. She reached the door and knocked, her hand trembling. Monty opened it almost immediately, his eyes widening in surprise. Without a word, Iona stepped in and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. He hugged her back, patting her gently, but didn’t speak.
‘I think we should have one last practice before you go,’ she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder. It was warm there, and she didn’t want to move. This was like the safest, most glorious place in the world.
‘I don’t think we can.’ He pulled back slightly to look at her. ‘We don’t have time… And really, I don’t think I need anymore practice, do you?’
‘Not exactly.’ She stroked her fingers around his jawline, fixing him in her gaze. Everything about him looked so appealing now, so far from how she’d seen him when they first met. ‘But there’s one important thing we’ve not done.’
‘Is it the one where we say goodbye?’ He tilted his head, his eyes clouding. ‘Because I’m not sure I can do that. It’s too painful.’
‘No. It’s the one where you say you love her… and mean it.’
He frowned and shook his head. ‘The one where I say I love her ?’
Iona nodded, though it made her insides ache. This was the reality she’d been preparing for. She wanted to tell him she loved him, and this could be it… If she heard the words on his lips first, even if they weren’t meant for her, she could play along.
‘That won’t work.’ He looked away.
‘Why not?’ Her heart sank, but his eyes refocused on her and held her there for a long moment.
‘Because I don’t love her .’ He paused, still maintaining eye contact to the point where it was almost painful. ‘I love you .’
Her insides flipped over, and her head spun… Had he just said it? And meant it… But wait, no. This was part of the act, right? Wrong? Oh fuck , she was so confused, and now the moment was here, she’d forgotten all her plans – what she’d wanted to say and how. Everything was a mess again.
‘Wow…’ She swallowed, trying to force a coherent response. ‘If you say it like that, she’ll definitely believe it…’
He shook his head. ‘I’m never going to say it to Sophie.’ Leaning forward, he planted a lingering kiss on her forehead. ‘I’m saying it to you. I’m not going back to Sophie, but I am going back to work and my real life.’
‘Wait… What? You’re saying you love me ? Like for real?’
‘Yes. Isn’t it obvious? You’re the most incredible, brave, and vibrant person I’ve ever met. I wish things were different, and we’d met somewhere more suitable for both our careers. But I understand the practicalities. You’re a free spirit and long-term relationships aren’t your thing. And that’s ok, because it’s part of what makes you. If you weren’t such a wild soul, I wouldn’t have fallen for you quite so hard. It’s what I love so much about you.’ He pulled her close and hugged her again. ‘But I have to go. I’m sorry.’
She clung to his neck, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and she kissed his cheek, unable to move her lips until he gently pulled away.
‘It’s been such a pleasure knowing you.’ He kissed her softly on the lips, but it didn’t last long enough. ‘I can’t thank you enough for how you’ve helped me, and I genuinely wish you every happiness.’ One last brief kiss, then he picked up his bag, let out a long breath, and left.
Iona stood alone, hugging herself, barely holding back tears. The annex was silent. Empty. Cold. Very similar to how she felt. After all her intentions, she hadn’t said anything. All her feelings were still tumbling about inside her. Car doors banged outside, and she went to the window. Ruaridh’s car was driving off, another figure just visible in the passenger seat.
Monty had gone.
She gripped the windowsill, staring after the car as it disappeared down the road. The enormity of what he’d just said hit her like a wave crashing over her and knocking her sideways off her board.
‘He loves me,’ she whispered to herself, her voice breaking. Who else had ever said those words? No one she could remember. Maybe her parents once upon a time before she started to disappoint them. Never a boyfriend. And now a fling. Or someone who’d started as a fling. But really, he was so much more. And she’d let him go without any hope of ever seeing him again.