Chapter 11
CHAPTER 11
BETH
W eeks have flown by, and I’m even more unsettled now than when I arrived in Grove Hill. Nigel has made a habit of whisking me away in the middle of the night, and sometimes, Judy is with Ronan along for the journey. Mostly, we go to his house to watch TV, drink, smoke, and just chill out. It’s a nice escape from reality, but I don’t let my walls down.
It's made even more difficult by the presence of Oliver and the way he stares at me. I can't tell if he's trying to scare me or undress me with his eyes. We haven't spoken at all since the day he rearranged my insides and I have to wonder why, but I assume it's that he's a man of few words. It doesn't matter anyway. All we had was sex, pure and simple. He doesn't have any sort of hold on me, unlike his best friend.
Nigel is dangerous to my heart, and I can’t let him in, even if he’s determined to tattoo his name across it with force.
“You look happy,” I say to Judy as we hang out in her room, sharing a pint of Blue Bell ice cream while watching Coyote Ugly.
My eyes continuously go to those scars on her wrists, but I take notice that there are no new ones, which must mean she’s not hurting herself anymore, right? There’s a new light in her eyes, and it makes me smile. I’m happy for her.
“I really am,” she admits before shoving a spoonful in her mouth.
“Ro’s that good in bed, huh?” I tease, and she shoves my shoulder, embarrassed.
“Shut up!”
I laugh before taking a spoonful of ice cream for myself.
“What about you? Are you happy with Nigel?”
I freeze at her question. “I’m not with Nigel, okay? I've told you that a million times.”
She gives me a disbelieving look before shaking her head. “Does he know that?”
Damn her. “He won’t listen. At least Oliver doesn't stalk me and keeps his distance.” That is one reprieve the town psychopath has granted me. I steal another bite and force my gaze on the TV, watching a movie I’ve seen a hundred times. "I hate him.” I hand the pint over to her before grabbing the bag of popcorn.
"Oliver or Nigel?" she asks.
I shove some popcorn in my mouth before saying, "Both, but I was referring to Nigel."
Oliver is an asshole and forced me to confront a part of myself I wasn't ready to meet. Plus, he won't stop giving me those weird looks. Nigel is just a possessive pest with golden retriever energy and a dark side.
“Sure, but do you like him, too?” I scowl at her before throwing a handful of popcorn at her, and she shrieks as it hits the side of her face. “Come on. Be honest. You like him.”
I stick my tongue out at her, but honestly… “Fine.” I groan as I lean my head back against her headboard. “I like him, and I hate it.” I could really use a drink for this conversation.
“Why do you hate it, though? He looks at you with the stars in his eyes. Isn’t that enough?”
I set down the bag of popcorn and stare at the bare wall. I already told Nigel when I had no other choice, especially with him being an over-the-top jealous and possessive jerk. Maybe it would be easier to tell Judy.
“The last guy I dated died in my arms,” I admit, and within a few seconds, she shuts off the movie.
“What?” she gasps as she turns to me.
I nod, not sure what else to add to it. What could possibly be said after that? I’ve been through multiple tragedies, and for the longest time, nothing made sense. Hell, nothing makes sense now. Shawn was the only thing that did after my dad died. Now, I’m just drifting down an endless river without anyone to pull me back.
“Oh, my god. No wonder you’ve been fighting the whole Nigel thing. Are you okay?” she asks as she pulls me into her arms, offering me a hug that doesn’t comfort me. It feels weird. No one has offered me a hug or any consolation about Shawn’s death. It’s just…strange.
“I’m fine. I just…” I pull away and take a ragged breath. “I can’t let him in or trust it,” I explain. “Every guy that has ever mattered to me has died suddenly. Maybe I’ll never be okay with taking that kind of step. Right now, I’m okay with a just sex arrangement with Nigel, but I don’t think that’s something sustainable long-term. That’s what he wants—something that will last. I can’t do that.”
“Maybe eventually?—”
“No, not eventually, Judy. I can’t risk going through that again,” I retort sharply.
Her hazel eyes glow with determination. “No, you listen to me, Beth. You’re a strong woman who has been through a lot of pain, but you know what? Life is pain. If you stop feeling pain, you die. Nigel cares about you, and if you really want to live your life like a single cat lady, that’s your prerogative, but don’t you dare pretend that you can’t do it. You could because you’re like a badass heroine from one of my dirty girl books, as Ro calls them.”
I can’t help but laugh at her referring to me as “badass.” “Dirty girl books?”
She smirks. “Those.” She nods to her bookshelf full of dozens of books. I’m guessing those aren’t a bunch of mystery or adventure novels. I have no way of knowing what they are about just from the spine.
“I may have to borrow some of those. Maybe they’ll make my sex life more interesting.”
“Don’t pretend that you don’t have an eventful sex life as is,” she teases, and I roll my eyes.
“Fine.”
“Seriously though…” She trails off and takes my hand. “You deserve to be happy, and you can deny it all you want, but Nigel and his annoyingly fine ass makes you happy.”
I pout and cross my arms over my chest. Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’m allowed to not want that man to affect me. Plus, he's not the only man who has been preoccupying my thoughts. I don't want either of them there.
Suddenly, there’s a loud bang on her window before it slams open, and we snap our heads around. My heart nearly pounds out of my chest as two familiar manly bodies crawl through. Really, I shouldn’t be surprised by Nigel and Ronan appearing like a couple of peeping toms.
This is totally normal.
“Jesus, babe! Girls’ night,” Judy mutters with a sneer across her face.
“Nah. You’ve had your time together. I need my time now.” Ronan slides up next to her and mauls her with kisses and inappropriate touches like I’m not sitting right here.
Teenage boys and their crazy hormones.
“And you’re coming with me.” Nigel grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. “Trust me. You don’t want to stick around for this next bit,” he jokes, but I know he’s right.
I definitely don’t want to bear witness to Ronan and Judy screwing like her parents aren’t in the next room sleeping.
We were supposed to have a sleepover, but it was fun while it lasted.
“Then, I’ll just go home. Goodnight,” I say as I make my way toward the front door to my house, but before I can reach my destination, Nigel has his arms around my waist and hauls me over his shoulder.
“Oh, no, you don’t. Come on, butterfly.”
“Nigel!” I hiss angrily. “Put me down. This is dehumanizing!” I punch his back, but the bastard just laughs at my lame attempt to free myself.
“Nope. You already tried to run. I’m not risking it.” He finishes his trek to his truck just as I hear a scream come from none other than my mother.
“Bethany, what are you doing!”
I curse under my breath before I yell, “I’m being kidnapped!”
Nigel’s hand comes down hard on my ass before yanking open the door to his Ford pick-up truck, depositing me in the seat. “Behave, butterfly.” He winks at me playfully, and I groan.
“Get me the hell out of here before I have a coronary.” My face must be as bright as a tomato. This is embarrassing.
My mother just witnessed Nigel manhandling me like a damn caveman and probably thinks he’s taking me off to fuck my brains out whether I want to or not.
That is probably going to happen, but I’m a willing participant in the fuckery.
“Versus?” His eyebrow raises.
“I’d much rather give her a heart attack.”
Nigel laughs as he closes my door and runs around the truck, jumping into the driver’s seat.
My mother doesn’t seem to be in as much of a good mood as Nigel. She’s probably drunk off her ass and will convince herself this is all a bad dream within an hour. At least she didn’t walk in on him fucking me. That might’ve given her a seizure.
For a widowed woman, my mother is very sex-negative in her viewpoints.
“Go, go, go!” I rush as he throws the truck into drive and speeds out of the neighborhood. With one last look, I watch my mother stumble across the lawn, but then she flops onto the ground and gives up.
What a pity.
“That’s a big change of tune,” Nigel jokes, but I lean back in the seat.
His truck is much older than Judy’s car but it’s not in horrible condition. The dash has a few scratches, but the seat upholstery is in mint condition. Then, there’s the smell.
Leather, cinnamon, and reefer.
I love the smell of this truck and how warm it is. I could see myself begging Nigel to take me on drives so I can be here, but that would go against my current stance.
“Trust me. You don’t want to have a confrontation with a drunk preacher in the middle of the night. Where are we going anyway?” I ask as he turns out of my neighborhood but goes in the opposite direction of his house.
“I’ve got something I want to show you,” he responds quickly before reaching over the bench seat and he squeezes my thigh reassuringly.
I should push his hand away, but I don’t really want to. I’m just a big contradiction because this man has me all wrapped up in knots. He has for weeks, and it's driving me crazy.
“Put this on,” he says, removing his hand from my leg and handing me a big bandana, green and black in color.
“What?” Why is he giving me a bandana? And where does he want me to put it?
“Like a blindfold, butterfly. Where we’re going is a surprise.”
Of course it is. Why the hell wouldn’t it be?
Agitation fills me as I wrap the bandana around my head and tie it off, completely blinding myself. Why the hell am I even listening to him? I could say no and demand he let me out of the truck, but I doubt he would let me leave. He’s controlling and demanding but not overly so. Maybe that’s why I agree with most things he wants us to do.