13. Chapter 13
Saint
Pablo has to leave early the next day, and insists he would rather pick up breakfast on the way to the airport. Ames won't have it, and she refuses to let him leave without at least a home made sandwich and a coffee.
She gets busy in the kitchen, and Pablo rolls his eyes.
"Fine," he says. "Saint, come with me to get my carry-on? It's still in the room."
He slept on the small sofa bed in front of Ames' bed.
Last night, she and Pablo bickered about who would sleep on the bed, and the sound reminded me of my ten-year-old twin sisters.
At the end, he won and took the smaller piece of furniture.
Ames may have pretended to be upset, but I knew better.
The way her face softened while looking at her brother, she harbored no annoyance.
All I could see was affection and gratitude to have him there.
It softened my heart to see it, too. I still can see it.
Ames butters lightly toasted bread. "Go. Grab your things. I need five more minutes."
I follow Pablo to the guest room. I'm not sure what his plan is, but I doubt he needs a bodyguard to get his things .
"Hey." He stands next to the small suitcase. "I wanted to thank you."
I was right. I don't say anything, but cross my arms and lift an eyebrow.
"You know how much Ames means to me," he says. "When I left town, you promised to keep an eye on her. I never thought it would come to something like this, but… thank you. Thanks for taking care of my sister."
I shake my head. I haven't been as good as he thinks.
Just the night before, I let myself believe Ames' interest in me had been piqued.
The way she looked at me, talking about my recreational activities with a hint of jealousy in her eyes— not that she said as much.
Not that that's what she felt. But for those minutes I entertained the thought, my cock had happily betrayed my denial.
Those feelings I thought I'd crushed under my heel aren't truly gone.
"No need to thank me," I say.
"That shithead. Aidan." He stares at me with a gesture that clearly means he'd like my validation.
I'm only happy to give it and I scowl at the man's name. Aidan called her trying to weasel his way into her life. Good thing she's decided she's fully done with him.
I only have to be careful not to get my head in the clouds again.
She's given me no sign of looking for something new.
Imagining myself as a knight in shining armor who offers to take over and give her forever is a mere fantasy.
She's never seen me that way. Why would she?
Last night she listed what she wants in love.
Not a single item would be used to describe me.
I have to find a way to incinerate these feelings, these questions, these hopes.
Pablo continues to vent. "I always got the feeling he was way too full of himself but, you know. I can't go telling my sister that." He snorts. "I'm glad she's not going back to him, but you were right last night. She's not out of trouble. She'll need some time to get on her feet again."
"Please, don't you start with that, too. I don't know what I need to tell Ames so she believes I'm happy to have her here. She can take as long as she needs."
"We're all adults. I know having her here kills your style with the ladies—"
"Oh my fucking—" I roll my eyes. "You two are definitely related. I'm fine . "
"I remember how you were in college, okay? And from what I hear, that only got worse when you got signed."
"Worse, better, it's all relative but, last time I checked, my dick is still attached. It has not shriveled and fallen off for lack of use yet. I think I'll be fine."
He laughs. "I wasn't asking about your dick!"
"We're talking about Gael's dick?" Ames leans against the doorframe.
A blush blooms on her cheeks, but she smiles through it. The grin is brazen.
My cock likes the combination, and it perks up that Ames is thinking of him. I gulp, and try my hardest— ahem— to calm him down.
"Argh." Pablo closes his eyes. His whole face wrinkles into a tight gesture. "I do not need to think about Saint's prick, ever, and I definitely don't need to think about how much he likes to use it. Especially when we're talking about my sister, and while you two are living together."
The distaste on his face acts like freeze spray on my nerves. It cools me down, and my cock unhappily retreats. Guilt anchors itself in my guts, that I was so ready to get Ames' attention on me that way. While right in front of my friend, who clearly dislikes the idea of us.
"I wasn't the one to bring up my dick." I try for a playful smile.
For the millionth time, I'm grateful for my dimples and the amount of trouble they save me from.
Huh. A few memories float into my mind of my dad giving my mom a dimpled smile to flirt with her in the past decade. Could it be he used them to convince her to give him another chance?
Not that I should be using them to flirt with Ames.
"All dicks aside," she says, "your food is ready, Pablo."
"And I have to leave now," he responds.
At the door of my condo, Pablo thanks me again, and Ames thanks him for the visit. Hugs last long.
"She needs a soft place to land for a while." Pablo slaps my shoulder. "I'm glad at least she has you. "
It's a tease, but it needles me anyway.
Pablo's gone. Ames' sigh comes from deep within her, drawing her shoulders inwards. It makes sense. She will miss him.
For a few heartbeats, I do nothing but watch her. The way the morning light is so subtle through the windows that it tints all shadows in blue. How her skin and glossy hair take hints of purple, wherever the warm yellow of the lamp doesn't reach.
"Do you have time for a proper breakfast?" She turns to me, her smile somewhat sad. "I can make food for you before you go for training."
I nod, go into my room to shower, and come back out to find a gorgeous spread on the table.
We eat together, like breakfast in the early morning before work is our routine.
It's a thread of awareness that stays with me, stitching into each of my breaths as I tell her about the TV show Evie got for us.
With so much going on at the pool the night before and with Pablo's visit, we haven't had the time to talk about it.
It's prime material to keep our conversation casual, regardless of the feelings swimming in my blood.
"It's a Christmas episode for a limited series they're trying out." I put slices of tomatoes and queso fresco on half a bun. "They're the largest streaming company, right? They want to expand their catalog of food shows, and they want to do it with holiday specials."
"And the vibe?"
"Friends spending a holiday together. Evie and Logan will be there, too. To the cameras, you'll be the primary chef and I'll help you. They included a charity component, to go with showcasing your food. It will be great PR for all of us."
She takes a long sip of her coffee, eyes searching mine. Her lips take on an excited slant .
"It could help me network." Her voice barely contains her enthusiasm. "I could talk to the producers about who is catering for them, or if they know of any business opportunities. And if someone watching needs catering services, and knowing that I exist thanks to the show…"
I take my mug and clink it with hers as a toast. "Exactly."
This time, her sigh is light with relief.
"Thank you, Saint. You've done so much for me. How can I ever repay you?"
"I'll invoice you one day, remember? We'll negotiate every item."
"Right." Her lips pull to the side. "The invoice."
I give her a solemn look. It's part of the joke.
She chuckles. "For now, can I invite the guys over for dinner afterwards, at least?"
"Great idea. We can feed them here at home."
"I just hope you know I don't take your generosity for granted."
Her serious gaze lands heavy on me, throwing gravel down my chest. Each pebble is a time she's appreciated my generosity . Like I haven't yearned to be the one she comes to for help. Like helping her has been an inconvenience, rather than what I simply must do for her because I care.
I smirk. "Ames. Please. Maybe it's time you accept help without weighing things in a balance. We all want to do it, okay? So let me change the subject and I'll tell you more about the show."
She lets me distract her, but I know the wheels are turning in her mind.
I distract her and explain that during the week before Christmas, there will be one episode released per day with famous people and a few of their guests.
The idea is to present the show as if the famous person is preparing dinner with their friends.
While folk cook and have fun, they will chat about a charity of their choice, and viewers will be gently encouraged to donate.
Eventually, she matches my energy and we fall back into giddy conversation.
We brainstorm meal ideas for the TV show, and we make a plan to get her things from Aidan's place.
It's like we're playing pretend. As if we're a team.
Perhaps a couple, overcoming the small frictions of everyday life.
Living joint lives and planning what comes next.
I take the moment, with its quiet dreams weaved into it, and place it in a tiny box. I close it with twine, because this box can't open. I've known that for a while. Even more now, when I can see Pablo's displeased face in my mind, when he imagined Ames and I together.