24. Chapter 24
Ames
Oh my god.
The words appear fully formed in my mind before I can fully wake up. Memories crash against my skull and I hiss—
Saint's face as he tells me he won't show me his room .
The way the ground seemed to give out from under me, when I finally understood that I had shown my cards, my feelings , to have them given back to me like that.
Gently, wisely, and still so painful I had to make a quick exit and hide behind closed doors.
Embarrassment follows me all day. Its sticky, cold, wet voice whispers into my ear.
It tells me I should act like nothing happened, because it would be easier that way.
Then it tells me I have to apologize. That I have caused Saint enough trouble, to now add the tangled byproducts of my poor attempt at seduction.
Except I told him we'd talk soon. An explanation is the least I can do. To reassure him he doesn't have to worry about me making things too complicated again.
A text is my overture.
Ames : everything going well today? What's the best plan for the club tonight?
Saint : I'll come home after training and we can go to the club together, if you like
He didn't say anything about things being okay, and only answered the second question. He might have been busy, but damn. I needed reassurance.
I cringe. Worse, when he later has to change our plans.
Saint : I'm sorry, but Coach is keeping us a bit longer. I'm hearing we'll meet you there. Is that okay?
Ames : Of course, I'll see you there.
Evie, Nat, Pen, and I text and make different plans.
A few hours later, I'm wearing my sexiest outfit in an effort to gather confidence— a black, tight pencil skirt with a subtle silver sheen to it, and a loose striped blouse.
It's a beautiful piece that mixes soft, matte velvet, and sheer black gauze in a large chevron pattern.
The transparent bits allow for my black longline bra to peek through as I move, but it's no more than clues and a hint at what's underneath.
We chat away in the VIP section of the usual club, and though most of them order a cocktail and water on the side, I choose only the latter.
"What's that about?" Pen asks.
"I overdid it last night," I say.
"We all overdid it yesterday." Nat stares at her glass with suspicion.
Pen nods vehemently and, though she has a drink, it goes untouched. "We'll take it easy tonight."
I gaze at them, surrounding me in one of the lux sitting areas.
They all look amazing in their club attire, and not an ounce of embarrassment shows on their face.
Why would it? If it weren't for what I did later in the night, I would be a bit hungover but content over the watch party, and happy about how close it seemed to bring us as friends.
My humbled, bruised ego has nothing to do with that.
I sigh. "Let's just say I kept overdoing it."
Evie raises an eyebrow my way. "What do you mean?"
"I said more than I should have to Saint."
They all stare at me, waiting for more information.
I take in the moment, warmth spreading through me despite the topic. When I said I want to add depth to my life with good friends around me, this is what I meant. Times when I can open up and ask for an ear and maybe some advice, from people who care about me.
I make myself speak. "I tried to make things happen with him. They did not happen."
"Things… of a sexy nature?" Pen asks.
I scrunch my face. "He said no."
Everyone gasps.
"Are you okay?" Evie asks.
I make a weird motion with my head, somewhere between a shake and a nod. "He was sweet about it. And he was right to say no! He said I had drunk too much, which I had."
"Good," Pen says. "It was the right thing to do but, if I were you, I'd probably still be hurt."
"Especially coming from someone who says yes so often, right?" Nat frowns. "It's been a while since I saw him with anyone. Not that I'm keeping close track, but you would think he's pent up."
I may not have all the pieces, and some of them look like they belong to a whole different puzzle set, but this hasn't escaped my mind. I don't think he wants me like this, and that should be fine.
When we finally talk and he finds a kind way to explain why, I will keep myself together and accept it gracefully.
"He was right to do it, of course," Nat adds, "but… "
I nod. "But I'm embarrassed."
"No need to be embarrassed!" Pen rubs my knee. "Ask for what you want, always."
"We were teasing you about living with him and resisting temptation, right?" Nat chuckles. "We may have put the thoughts in your head."
"I bet that in your alcohol-soaked brain," Evie says, "it was perfectly logical."
It was. In my mind, we were two adults currently not involved with anyone else. I thought maybe he would want to take me up on my offer, since I was right there. I told myself that he's a modern man who wouldn't let his friendship with Pablo get in the way of some fun with me.
The fantasy titillated me, with promises of incredible sex with someone I already like so much.
I won't , he said. It's what I have to do.
Because of my drinking, or because he knows that nothing but forever will satisfy me and he doesn't date, or maybe because of Pablo, after all. Probably, it was a mix of all of it. Regardless, he hasn't shown interest in years. Living together might not be enough to change his mind.
Pen stares at me. "You need a rebound."
"From Saint?" I startle. "Nothing happened!"
"From Aidan!" Evie laughed.
"I tried !"
Nat points a questioning finger my way. "So you want a rebound?!"
My mouth opens but nothing comes out. I blink a few times.
I frown. "I suppose… maybe I do."
At this point, I don't think I'll ever know why Aidan did what he did.
A couple of times when he reached out, I asked but he didn't answer.
Now I don't expect to see him again, and I won't get to demand answers one last time.
Maybe a rebound is the closure I need. The final nail to hammer that coffin closed.
A way to say, hey, look, I'm fine. Forever can wait .
Evie is about to respond when four large shadows approach. We turn to them in unison, to find Logan, Damián, Bear, and Dom.
I look past them in search of Saint, but he's not there.
The group says hi and we all shift to make space for the newcomers. After getting drinks, Dom's guest arrives and they start chatting nearby. I keep stealing glances at the stairs, waiting for Saint.
"Ames," Bear says. "Did Saint text you? He said he would. He had to stay to talk to Coach about the potential trade."
"Oh! Let me see."
I check my phone.
Saint : Coach wants to meet with me to discuss strategies to get me the MVP award. I don't know how long I'll be, but I'll go to the club asap. I'm sorry. I'll be there soon. If we end up not having time to talk tonight, we'll talk tomorrow morning. Looking forward to breakfast with you
"There are a hundred people dancing downstairs." Pen leans close to me. "Do you want to go meet someone?"
I gaze back at her and consider the stirred up emotions still swirling in my gut.
"I guess I should at least try," is all I say.