5. 2012, Part III
On a Wednesday two weeks after Julia started back to work at the restaurant, someone came onto the pier while she was taking her break and said, “Julia, there you are. There’s a call for you.”
Julia’s eyes swept from the catamaran in its slip, to Cardone’s across the pier. He might only be a few steps away from her, but a gulf of silence more than five years wide felt unnavigable.
She tore herself away from her solitary brooding and returned inside to pick up the extension.
“This is Julia.”
“Julia Beale? Paige’s mom?”
Oh, no. “Yes?”
“Mrs. Beale, this is Mary Jenkins, the principal at her school. First of all, Paige is safe and well, but we do need you to come pick her up.”
“Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“I’d rather discuss it with you in person, if possible.”
“I’m at work right now. I really need to know what this is about.”
The principal heaved a sigh. “Then I’m very sorry to have to tell you in this way. Paige was found in the boy’s restroom, with a boy.”
Julia caught herself against the wall. “What ? ”
“I’m afraid so. ”
“What do you mean, ‘with a boy’?”
A pause. “Well, they were smoking marijuana. We’re not sure what else they had been up to.”
Still in denial, Julia said, “Mrs. Jenkins, she’s a thirteen year old girl. Are you sure there wasn’t some misunderstanding?”
“I think it would be better if we could discuss this more in person.”
It was just as well. Julia wasn’t sure she could stand still anymore. She needed to put the adrenaline to some use.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Julia slammed down the receiver, and ran straight to her father.
“Dad, I’ve got to go pick up Paige. She’s gotten herself into some kind of trouble at school.”
“Is she okay?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve got to go.”
Her father nodded, and she ran to gather her belongings from the break room. Then she ran out the back door to her car.
When she finally arrived at Paige’s school, the secretary immediately ushered her into the principal’s office. There, she learned that a teacher walking past the boy’s restroom detected the unmistakable odor of pot, and found Paige and an eighth grade boy together in a bathroom stall. Paige would be suspended for a few days, and she was waiting in the counselor’s office, swearing she didn’t give a shit what her mother thought about any of this.
Julia put her hand over her mouth. “I wish I could say I can’t believe this, but I can. I can’t imagine what you must think of me.”
“I don’t judge you,” the principal replied. “All of the kids in this school are coming in here with some unique challenges. We want to work with her and you so she can come back and be successful here.”
“You’re very kind. Thank you.”
“There are plenty of resources available to families when a situation like this occurs. We don’t just suspend kids and expect everything to resolve itself. We really want to help.”
With that, the principal pushed a ton of brochures for health clinics and counseling services and paperwork for Paige’s suspension across the desk to Julia. She tried to explain everything, but Julia was too distressed to absorb any of it .
When the principal had finished, she smiled reassuringly. “Will you follow me, please?”
After that, there was nothing left but for Julia to retrieve Paige from the counselor’s office, and for them to leave together. They walked in stony silence back to the car. Once Julia unlocked the door and they were both inside, she said, “I had to leave a lot of work behind in order to come here. I’m going to have to go back to the restaurant for a little while to wrap some things up before we can go home.”
“That’s bullshit,” Paige stormed.
“Watch your mouth,” snapped Julia, before drawing a deep breath and biting her tongue. Luckily, Paige turned to look out the window and said nothing more.
Julia drove back to work as quickly as possible. She installed Paige in the office, and ordered her not to move until she had finished shelving all the items in the walk-in.
To Julia’s dismay, once she got to the walk-in, she discovered that more deliveries had arrived during her absence. It would take hours to catch up. She frantically stocked items, trying her best not to make any mistakes on her inventory chart as she did so, but nevertheless discovering some mistakes along the way, and then having to go back and re-count all over again. Every fifteen minutes or so, she went back to the office to check on Paige, and was alarmed to find her using the office computer to entertain herself. But there was no remedy for it now; something needed to occupy her while Julia worked.
Yet another delivery arrived. Julia allowed forty-five minutes to pass until she checked on Paige again, and found the office empty.
Julia gasped, and ran in search of her.
“Have you seen my daughter?” she asked everyone she passed in the kitchen. “About this tall, with long dark hair?”
But no one had seen her recently. She ran to her father, busy filleting fish due to a short-staffed kitchen, and said, “Dad, I can’t find Paige anywhere. Have you seen her recently?”
Her father scowled. “Of course not. It’s not my job to keep an eye on her.”
Julia frantically searched the dining rooms and the lobby. Once it was clear that Paige had left the building, she ran to the back again, snatched her belongings out of her locker, and prepared to search outside.
She ran up and down the pier, stopping in every processing plant along the shed except one. Searched every other nearby shed as well. Scoured every store and gift shop along Jefferson Street, ripe for the picking from Paige’s experienced sticky fingers. Checked every bus stop along the way, describing her to the waiting tourists and commuters. Finally made her way back to the pier.
She was gone.
Unless .
For some reason, Julia had not been able to bring herself to go in there. Why not? She couldn’t be sure Paige was gone until she checked there.
Her stomach churned at the prospect of seeing him. Of having to explain to him why she was there.
This is ridiculous, she scolded herself. Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?
She somehow propelled herself into Cardone’s. Thankfully, the first person she saw was Kelly, behind the counter of the little storefront, serving some customers. Julia waited as patiently as she possibly could. Finally, Kelly spotted her and, after an initial look of surprise, pressed her lips together in a scowl.
They ought to give a prize for holding the longest grudge, Julia reflected.
Once the customers left, Kelly said, as if Julia were just another customer, “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking for my daughter.”
Kelly blinked. “Here?”
“Yes. She was with me at the restaurant, and now I can’t find her. I’ve checked everywhere else around here. I just need to rule this place out before I call the police.”
“Why would she be here?”
Julia frowned. “May I please take a look around?”
Julia thought she saw Kelly roll her eyes as she turned unceremoniously toward the door leading into the plant. “What does she look like? ”
Julia followed her. “She’s thirteen. Long dark hair; about five-three. Her name is Paige.”
Kelly gestured to the interior of the plant, then crossed her arms over her chest. “Feel free to take a look around.”
Julia had never been back here before. It was a vast, open space, piled high with totes. Workers, mostly Hispanic, shucked Dungeness crab, dropped it by twenty-five pound units into the brine tank, and glazed it.
“I don’t know where to begin,” admitted Julia.
“Like I said, I don’t know why she’d even be in here.”
Julia considered. “Where would you keep anything of value?”
“Everything in here is of value.”
Julia forced herself to remain civil. “Small things that could be easily carried off. Cash. Wallets. Things like that.”
“The office.” Kelly gestured for Julia to follow her all the way to the back of the plant where the bays were, around a corner, and into yet another section of the plant. Here, workers dropped boxes over wire baskets of processed crab and loaded the boxes into trucks parked in the open bays.
Kelly gestured again, this time to a little door off the main floor. “The office is the one place where she might find valuables. Of course we lock them away, but you’re welcome to check in there.”
Julia didn’t bother to inform Kelly what a skilled pick-lock Paige had become over the years.
“Who the hell do you think you are, acting like you know me?!”
Julia’s heart leaped into her throat at the unmistakable sound of her daughter’s voice. Before Julia had time to prepare, Paige stumbled out of the office.
The first thing Julia noticed was the defiant look on Paige’s face. The second thing she noticed was the way that William gripped the back of Paige’s collar, though she almost didn’t recognize him because of the beard. And the final thing she noticed was the icy glare William gave her.
He gave Paige a little nudge toward Julia. “Looking for her?” he said coldly.
“Yes,” Julia heard herself croak.
“What about these?” He pulled wads of credit cards and cash out of his pockets .
Julia lost her voice again. She accepted the first handful of currency he held out to her and recognized, among it, her own credit cards, and those of her father and the other staff in the restaurant.
He said, “I found her in here, going through the drawers and cabinets.”
Still unable to speak, Julia stuffed the first handful of cards and cash into her purse, then accepted the other handful from him and stashed that as well. Then she seized Paige by the arm, hard.
Somehow, she brought herself to look William in the eye. Fixed him with an earnest gaze and said emphatically, “I am so sorry.”
He looked down at her with utter contempt. “Keep her away from now on. Next time, I’m pressing charges.”
Shame, hurt, and despair welled in her chest. He watched it all cycle across her face, each in turn. Then he turned stiffly back into the office, closing the door in her face.
He was gone. Completely out of her reach.
Kelly still stood there with her hands on her hips. Julia couldn’t bring herself to look her in the eye. She dug her fingertips harder into Paige’s arm, until Paige said, “Ow!”
“Let’s go,” Julia said through clenched teeth. Over Paige’s protests, Julia dragged her out of the plant, down the pier.
Not here, she told herself. Just make it back inside the restaurant first.
Julia shoved Paige through the back door, into the corridor, and waited for the door to close behind them. Closed her eyes and counted to ten.
It didn’t help.
Paige was already heading back to the office. Julia ran to meet her, seized her arm again, and spun her around. Seized her by the shoulders, and shook her hard.
“What the hell were you doing?!” she screamed.
All the staff nearby froze and turned to stare in shock. Paige gasped, and shrieked. Fought back like a cat, kicking, scratching, and pulling hair. Julia shoved her backward. She reached into her purse and threw the wads of cash and credit cards at Paige .
At that moment, her father seized her, pinning her arms and pulling her away from Paige. “What the hell is going on here?” he roared.
But Julia ignored him. She wrestled an arm loose to point to the pile of currency on the floor and shouted, “It’s not enough that you get suspended from school today, but you also have to steal, from me? From your grandpa? From the people who work here? From the Quinns, for God’s sake?”
Julia’s father looked in shock at Paige, who shook with silent sobs of rage, glaring right back at her mother and her grandfather.
“Get out of here,” he ordered Julia after a moment.
“She’s coming with me.”
“ I’ll deal with her. You get out of here, and get a grip on yourself.”
Julia wrenched herself free from his grasp and swooped down to snatch her own credit cards from the floor. She had the satisfaction of watching Paige flinch backward as she did so.
Julia pushed past all the staring eyes, through the kitchen, and out the back door. Stormed across the pier, diverting her eyes at all costs from the plant. Rounded the shed to her car. Started the engine and choked back the tears, determined to make it home before giving way to them.
The next day, Julia stayed home from work with Paige, who took refuge all day in their bedroom. With her mother in the living room, ready to intervene at a moment’s notice, Julia steeled herself for the inevitable talk.
She tapped lightly on the bedroom door, but heard no response. Gently, she opened the door and found Paige at the aquarium, earbuds in her ears, listening to loud music and cleaning the protein skimmer. Julia knew that Paige could see her, but Paige made no effort to acknowledge her presence.
Julia made her way to the aquarium and tapped Paige on the shoulder. Only then did Paige remove one earbud, without looking around.
“Can we talk now?” said Julia .
Paige paused the iPod and removed the other earbud. She sat on her bed, but refused to make eye contact with Julia.
Julia sat down on her own bed. “First of all, I owe you an apology for yelling and shaking you like that. There’s no excuse for what I did. I’m so very sorry.”
Paige said nothing, just stared straight ahead.
“Paige, I was angry at you for stealing, but it wasn’t the biggest reason I was angry. I can’t go into all the reasons with you because it’s very personal, but I want you to know it wasn’t because of you. I just took it out on you, and that was wrong.”
Paige looked up at her now in some surprise, but still said nothing.
“I’m not going to bother asking how long you’ve been smoking marijuana, because it doesn’t really make any difference,” Julia continued. “But are you using any other drugs?”
Paige refused to answer.
“You’ll be undergoing a full drug test, so the answer will come out anyway. If you’re honest with me now, I’ll take that into account later.”
“No, I’m not using any other drugs.”
Julia felt weak with relief. “Can I ask you – why were you taking all of that money and all of those credit cards? What were you planning to do?”
Still, Paige sat in stony silence.
“Were you going to buy drugs?”
“No.”
“Were you going to run away again?”
Paige sighed. “Why does it matter?”
“I just want to understand. Were you going to run away on your own, or were you planning to go with someone else this time?”
Nothing.
“Paige, the only thing I care about is that you’re happy. We’ve been through so much counseling together. If you’re angry with me, I hope you know how to tell me by now.”
“What’s the point? Nothing I say makes any difference.”
“I’m going to make a stab in the dark here. I’m guessing you’re angry with me because your dad left again. That you think I drove him away. ”
“Didn’t you?”
“It’s partially my fault, yes, but I can’t take full responsibility. He chose to leave, all by himself. I know you love and miss your dad, and knowing all this doesn’t really make it better. But I want you to know that I love you and I’ll always be here.”
Paige’s face remained carved in stone. “So what’s my punishment?”
“I’m not ready to talk about that. I still have some more questions.” After a moment, Julia ventured, “How long have you been sexually active?”
“Oh God, Mom, I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Paige, I thought I had always made this clear, but I guess not. I certainly wouldn’t want you to have sex when you’re still this young, but if you are, it’s so important that you’re being safe. Have you had vaginal intercourse?”
Paige cringed at her clinical terminology.
“I’m sorry, but I want to be perfectly clear what I’m talking about. Have you? Please, just be honest.”
“No.”
“Okay. What about oral sex?”
“No.”
“Were you thinking about having sex?”
No response.
Julia felt nauseous. “Paige, honey, I don’t believe there’s anything bad or dirty about sex, but I do think it would be so much better if you wait until you’re older.”
Before Julia could go into all the reasons again, Paige interrupted her with, “Fine. Is that all?”
Julia’s jaw tightened. “No. You’re going to the doctor for a check-up, and I’m getting you some condoms. You can get pregnant and you can get diseases. You don’t think it will happen, but it will. So you must protect yourself.”
“Jesus, I won’t have sex with him.”
“I’m not taking any chances. And Paige, you’re coming with me to work for the next few days. You’re going to do some work for your grandpa and for all his employees that you tried to steal from. Then, if I can get them to let you, you’ll do some work for the Quinns. ”
“What if I say no?”
“Well then, you can lose all TV and iPod privileges, and you can sit around your room all day with nothing to do until you’re ready to go to work.”
Julia stood up to go. Just before she closed the door behind her, Paige crammed the earbuds back in her ears and whispered, “Fuck.”
That afternoon, Paige cleaned long-forgotten crevices of the restaurant clogged with grease and cobwebs, and helped cook meals for the employees to take home to their families. During her break, Julia found her father and said, “I may be a bit longer than usual before I get back. I’m going across to the plant to talk to them about letting Paige do some work for them tomorrow.”
“Don’t bother. I already talked to William about it.”
In spite of herself, Julia’s heart sank. “He won’t let her.”
“No, he’ll let her. He’s got plenty of dirty jobs for her to do over there.”
“Really? How did you convince him to let her set foot in there? How did you convince him to let me set foot in there?”
Her father shrugged. “He won’t see much of either of you. He’s swamped over there. He’s doing the best he can, but he and his sister just can’t hack it.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Oh well. Pretty soon the business will be sold, and we’ll have to start sourcing our fish from somewhere else.”
“What?”
“You didn’t hear? They’re going to have to sell the business.”
“Because Jim can’t work anymore?”
“That’s not the biggest reason. Jim’s health insurance policy was rescinded. Now they owe over a million dollars in medical bills, and counting.”
Julia gasped. “What?”