4. 6
Julia reacted before she knew what happened, and she practically threw William off of her. She did not know where he landed or what he did. She only knew she was out of the bed, standing on the bedroom floor, stark naked before her daughter.
¨Daddy!〃 Paige shrieked. ¨Youˇre here!〃
Julia snatched her robe off the hook on her bedroom door, spun her daughter around by the shoulders and shuttled her out of the room. After closing the door, she heard it lock behind her.
¨No, honey, Daddyˇs not here,〃 she murmured, scrambling into her robe and tying it around her waist.
¨Yes he is! I saw him!〃
¨No, Paige,〃 said Julia, practically shoving her into the living room, ¨you didnˇt.〃
¨I did! I heard a noise, and I came in and I saw him!〃
¨Paige. Daddy is not here.〃 She didnˇt know what else to say.
¨Yes he is!〃 Paige shrieked. ¨What, do you think Iˇm stupid? Let me see him!〃
Julia knelt on the floor and grasped Paige by the shoulders. ¨I promise you. I would not lie to you. Daddy is not here.〃
Paige lashed out, smacked her across the face. Screamed, ¨Then who was it?〃
Julia grabbed her around the waist, pinned her arms to her side as she kicked, flailed, and screamed like a being possessed. She contained her until her body unclenched and her rage subsided to a whimper.
¨Mommy,〃 Paige sniffled after a while. ¨Who was that?〃
Julia wracked her brain for an answer. She didnˇt want to lie and say, ¨No one.〃 Paige knew what she saw. But she certainly wasnˇt ready to tell her the truth. Not at this time, not in this way.
At a complete loss, she sighed and repeated, ¨It wasnˇt Daddy.〃
¨Mommy,〃 whimpered Paige. ¨Where is he?〃
¨I donˇt know.〃
After a moment, Paige said, ¨Why wonˇt he come home? 〃
¨I donˇt know that either, Paige. But itˇs not your fault. You didnˇt do anything wrong. He didnˇt leave because of you.〃
¨Then why?〃
¨I donˇt know. I wish I had a better answer for you.〃 She squeezed her around the shoulders. ¨But I do know that I love you. And no matter what your father did, I promise you that I will never, ever leave you. Ever.〃
They held each other there for a long time before Julia gently suggested, ¨Now letˇs go back to bed.〃
They stood up and returned to Paigeˇs room. Julia helped Paige into her bed, rubbed her back and sang her a few songs.
¨I love you,〃 she whispered at last. ¨Sweet dreams.〃
She closed the door, and tiptoed back to her own door. Tapped it lightly, and heard it unlock. Went to sit on the side of the bed.
He sat beside her, grasped her arm. ¨Iˇm so sorry.〃
¨Itˇs okay.〃
¨Should I go?〃
She buried her face in his shoulder. ¨If I were a good mom, I would probably tell you to go. But I donˇt want you to.〃
¨You are a good mom.〃
¨No. Did you hear her? Have you ever heard such rage in a seven year old?〃
¨Thatˇs not your fault.〃
¨I should have been focusing more on her, and not on my own selfish needs.〃
He touched her chin, lifted her face to his. Stroked her chin with his thumb.
¨Are you happier now than you were when you first came back to the city?〃
She nodded.
¨An unhappy mother canˇt take care of an unhappy child. Now you can do whatever you think you need to do for her.〃
She rested her forehead against his. ¨My God, what have I done to deserve you?〃
He pulled her down onto the bed and laid her head on his chest. Stroked her hair until she fell asleep.
The Sunday before Williamˇs birthday, Julia called her sister.
¨I need a huge favor,〃 she said. ¨Help me bake and decorate a cake.〃
¨Sure, but what kind of cake are we talking about here?〃
¨Just a normal birthday cake.〃
¨Whose birthday?〃
¨Williamˇs.〃
¨Oh! Well, for a cause like that〃
Alison came over that night after Paige went to bed but before William came home from work.
¨It seems pretty serious between you two,〃 Alison ventured while the cake finished cooling and they mixed the icing. ¨Forgive me, but I couldnˇt help noticing the extra adult toothbrush in the bathroom and the home-cooked leftovers in the fridge. I know thatˇs not you, making pasta alla norma.〃
Julia laughed. ¨He makes stuff in the mornings occasionally so we have something to eat for dinner.〃
¨Jesus Christ. Has Paige met him yet?〃
¨No.〃
¨I understand why youˇre holding off. But I want you to know that I support you one hundred percent, even if no one else does. Iˇve always liked William.〃
¨No you havenˇt. You once called him a stick-in-the-mud.〃
Alison frowned. ¨Really? Iˇm an idiot. Why do you ever listen to me?〃
Julia laughed. After a while, Alison asked, ¨What about your business plan? Howˇs that coming along?〃
¨We finished it.〃
¨We? William is helping you with the aquarium business?〃
Julia felt her face burning. ¨Oh, that business plan. That one got shelved in favor of a new one.〃
¨Okay. Whatˇs the new plan?〃
¨Whale-watching tours.〃
Alison looked almost alarmed. ¨That sounds ambitious.〃
Julia shrugged. ¨You only live once. 〃
¨Donˇt you need some kind of license to run a boat like that?〃
¨William needs a license to run the boat, but he qualifies for it. Heˇs racked up plenty of hours on his uncleˇs boat over the years.〃
¨And so where do you fit in with all of this?〃
¨I would be the naturalist on board, and Iˇd help with all the other aspects of running the business, too.〃
Alison peered sharply at her. ¨Julie, this is his dream, not yours.〃
Julia found herself feeling annoyed. ¨Donˇt you think itˇs a good fit for me? I wanted to be a marine biologist once.〃
¨Yes, but all the hassle of running that business, in exchange for just a few hours a week of talking to strangers about whales?〃
Julia frowned down at the icing, turning crumbly in the bowl. ¨Should I add more milk now?〃
Alison gave a start and turned to look. ¨Oh, yes. Good catch.〃
After Julia rescued the icing, Alison put a hand on her shoulder. ¨Look, Julie, Iˇm sorry. I told you, donˇt listen to me. Itˇs sweet that you and William are working together on something. And if anyone can make that business work, you two can.〃
Monday night, William came over after Paige went to bed, and Julia met him at the door.
¨I have a surprise for you.〃 She planted him on the sofa and said, ¨Wait here.〃
She went to the kitchen to retrieve the cake. Since she couldnˇt fit thirty-one candles on his cake, she stuck in three, lit them, and carried the cake into the living room.
She set the cake on the coffee table in front of him. ¨I know your birthdayˇs not until Friday, but I wanted to celebrate on your day off.〃
¨This looks homemade.〃
¨I had a lot of guidance from Alison,〃 she admitted, sitting beside him. ¨But itˇs all my own handiwork.〃
He squeezed her hand and blew out the candles, and Julia cut pieces for both of them.
¨This is really good,〃 he remarked after the first bite.
¨Donˇ t look so surprised,〃 she laughed. ¨I have to admit, it turned out way better than I expected. But just like with our business plan, I had the right inspiration.〃
He leaned over to kiss her, and she let him finish his piece of cake before saying, ¨Are you ready for the icing on the cake?〃
He smiled, no doubt anticipating something entirely different than she had in mind. But she went to open the drawer of her little desk and pulled out a flat, rectangular package, wrapped in paper and tied with a ribbon. She brought it to him on the sofa and sat down beside him.
He took it and peered quizzically at her. ¨What is this, a magazine?〃
¨Just open it.〃
He untied the ribbon and carefully tore open the paper. Pulled out a folder and scanned the contents.
¨Is this what I think it is?〃
¨One completed and typed business plan.〃
He flipped through the pages. ¨My God. When have you had time to type all this up?〃
¨I had plenty of inspiration. I made the time.〃
He swung her legs across his lap and stroked them with his fingers. ¨It wonˇt be much longer now. I wonˇt have to work as a cook, and you wonˇt have to work as a secretary.〃
¨It wonˇt take off right away. Weˇll still need something to pay the bills.〃
She realized she had said ¨we.〃 As if it were a given that they would be in it together, this business of paying the rent, keeping the lights on.
¨But you donˇt like that work,〃 he said.
¨I do like it okay, and Iˇm good at it. Just like you and cooking. In time, I can work my way up to being a paralegal.〃
¨By then, you wonˇt need to.〃
She smiled warmly up at him. ¨When you say it, I believe it. Thereˇs not a doubt in your mind, is there?〃
His fingertips nuzzled the hair at the nape of her neck. He drew her face closer and whispered, ¨Not one.〃
With one hand, she began lazily undoing the buttons on his shirt. He watched her fingers work for a while, then said, ¨Icing?〃
She answered him by opening his shirt, peeling it back off his shoulders. He lifted her chin, opened her mouth and kissed her. Lifted her whole body off the couch and carried her into the bedroom.
Afterward, facing each other in bed on their sides, he twisted a section of her hair through his fingers. They gazed in silence at each other for a long time, taking in each otherˇs faces.
¨My God, you rock my world,〃 he said finally.
She laughed, and he smiled softly in return, but the smile was thoughtful.
¨What happens after this?〃 he asked.
She considered a moment. ¨Make a sandwich?〃
He smiled, but his eyes were serious. ¨You said ˉweˇ earlier. I want to make that official.〃
She rubbed his shoulder. ¨What are we talking about here?〃
¨Whatever I can get.〃
¨We already live together.〃
¨If you call this living together. I have to sneak in and out of here, and your daughter doesnˇt know me.〃
Her stomach tightened. ¨Maybe this sounds strangely old-fashioned considering what weˇre already doing, but it doesnˇt feel right.〃
¨What doesnˇt?〃
She considered her words carefully. ¨Letting my daughter see you share a bed with me. Letting you openly live with us, in the same house. Certainly not until〃 She did not know how to talk about this. Not here, not now. ¨I have a signed Order of Publication. It should only be another couple of months. But even after the divorce, Iˇm not sure it would be right to just move you right in, not with my daughter.〃
He propped himself up on one elbow, fingered the mermaid pendant at the end of her chain. ¨I would marry you today if I could. If itˇs not you, itˇs no one.〃 He cupped her chin in his hand, made her look him in the eye. ¨Youˇre the love of my life. Iˇve loved you since we were seventeen years old.〃
She took his hand and put it between her breasts so he could feel her heartbeat. The look on his face told her that he had received the message loud and clear.
¨Thereˇs something I want to show you,〃 she murmured .
She got up, opened the closet door, and pulled out the shoe box. He recognized it instantly.
¨Oh my God.〃