The Centaur (The Sanctuary #4)

Chapter 1

One

Keoni

I gripped the plates in my hand tighter and pushed the door open with my elbow.

The front office was empty, since Touya was having lunch with his mate and the rest of our friends.

I walked across the small room, then bonked my head lightly against the second door in lieu of a knock.

"I'll eat later, Touya. Please go," Zephyr called, and I rolled my eyes.

"It's me," I said, and he was quiet for so long I wondered if he hadn't heard me. Just when I was about to raise my voice and speak again, he beat me to it.

"Come in."

I pushed the door open with my shoulder, keeping my eyes focused on the plates as I gathered myself before looking up.

Zephyr looked like shit. He had bags under his blue eyes, his skin had an ashen sheen to it, his salt-and-pepper hair was a right mess, and he appeared seconds away from crumpling to the ground.

He was dressed well, as usual, though his purple cloak looked wrinkled, as if he'd fallen asleep wearing it, and the same went for the black full-sleeved button-up clinging to him with all its might. This man was in desperate need of a nap.

Shaking my head, I walked over and placed both dishes on his desk. Then I picked up one of the visitor chairs and moved it to the side so I could stand in its place.

The room was big enough that I could fit comfortably, cart and all.

As a centaur with a paralyzed back half that I had to tote around in a cart, I'd been extremely careful of my movements when I first came here, when Draven, the resident dwarf, first made my cart.

But after all these years, I knew I didn't need to worry about not fitting somewhere.

Zephyr had long ago made sure all doorways were wide enough, and all rooms had ample space for me.

He was always taking care of us like that, which just annoyed me even more when he refused to let us do the same.

I'd tried to do it the slow way, to be there for him and hope that he'd ask me for help, but I knew now that wouldn't work. So I'd decided to be more proactive. I wasn't going to let Zephyr run himself ragged trying to take care of us. It was my turn to take care of him.

"Eat," I ordered, and I could already see the protest bubbling up his throat. But I kept gazing at him, and he sighed, then slid the plate closer to himself, the metal of his left hand glinting in the light.

Making him eat wasn't the only reason I'd come here. I also wanted to apologize.

A few days ago, I'd blown up at him in front of all the residents of the Sanctuary, and I really regretted that. I'd been too harsh, and I never should've said those words to him in front of all the people who looked up to him.

I especially regretted the last part. I'd been wanting to tell him that for a while, but the way I'd done it had been cruel, and I hated that.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, my eyes still on him. "I shouldn't have blown up at you."

Zephyr's lips curved upward just a little. "I deserved it."

I shook my head quickly as my eyes widened. "No, you didn't. You didn't, Zephyr," I stressed, my hand tightening on my spoon. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I didn't. Those words still hung between us, and he deserved an explanation.

But first, he needed to eat.

I nodded toward his food, and he shook his head, but obediently picked up the spoon with his right hand and started eating.

We ate in silence for a while, and I knew he wanted to ask me about what I'd said that day, but was holding back. He kept sneaking glances at me, his blue eyes full of questions.

"We'll talk after we're done eating," I promised, and he nodded, then continued with a little more gusto.

I smiled as I lowered my gaze to my food, and it wasn't long before our plates were clean.

"Oh, I forgot water," I realized as I automatically reached for the glass that would've been within reach if we were in the Dining Room.

"I'll get it," Zephyr murmured as he stood up and walked over to a cabinet. There was a jug of water and a few glasses on top of it, and he quickly filled two before placing one on the desk in front of me.

"Thanks."

We were quiet as he returned to his seat, and I took my time drinking as I tried to organize my thoughts. There was so much I needed to tell him, needed to explain, and I struggled to find the right starting point.

Zephyr

I gazed at Keoni as he drank the water, my thoughts whirling around in a mess like they had been for the last few days. Ever since Keoni had chewed me out that day.

Like I'd told him, I'd deserved it. But I didn't remember most of what he'd said because the last sentence, the words he'd whispered in my ear so only I would hear them... they were all I could think about. They filled my mind, haunted my dreams, and I couldn't get them out of my head.

I certainly don't want to be your mate.

I didn't know how to feel about those words. Finding out you had a mate and also that he didn't want you in the same sentence was brutal. It'd hurt worse than losing my arm had.

"I didn't mean it," Keoni said finally as he placed the empty water glass on the table and slid it to the side, his eyes focused as if it was a task of utmost importance.

"Which part?" I asked, not at all surprised by how steady my voice sounded. I'd learned long ago how to mask my feelings, and the skill was still just as useful.

Keoni glanced up at me then, his baby blue eyes sparkling and full of something I couldn't quite understand. "The 'not wanting to be your mate' part. I'm sorry about what I said. That was cruel."

I wanted to ask him so many questions, and they crowded my mind, vying to be asked first. But what came out of my mouth wasn't a question at all. "I didn't know."

"I thought so. At first, I thought that you knew but weren't interested, but later, I realized you didn't. I read in one of the library books that, like mages, sorcerers also need their familiars to recognize their mates. Is that true?"

The thought of my familiar made my chest ache in a remembered pain, and I nodded without expanding on it. Keoni knew I didn't have a familiar, but he didn't know that I'd had one once. Nobody knew.

Keoni nodded, satisfied with my answer. When he realized I wasn't speaking, he decided to talk, which was usually how it went when he insisted on hanging out with me.

Other than Draven and Touya, he was the only one I let in, and I suppose I knew why now.

Even if I hadn't consciously recognized him, some part of me must have.

"I only found out a few weeks ago. You know I've been practicing my skills, right? I'm getting better at reading the stars, and they told me. I wanted to make sure I hadn't misread before saying anything."

"Are you sure now?"

Keoni nodded, his eyes bright, his pink lips curved in a small smile. It was clear that he didn't hate the idea of being my mate. I wasn't sure how I felt.

I liked Keoni. He was sweet, bright, and nothing like me.

But he was also young. He'd been a teenager when I'd brought him to the Sanctuary.

I'd watched him grow up. I'd long since accepted there could never be anything between us, no matter how much his presence made me feel lighter and more like myself than I had in centuries.

"There's something else," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts. He looked nervous now, his lower lip trapped between his teeth, and my gaze lingered for a moment before I forced myself to look away.

I cleared my throat, tapping my metal fingers on the desk as I tried to get ahold of myself. "What is it?"

"I...when you found me, I lied about my age. I'm not eighteen. I'm twenty-one."

I stared at him, stunned. Twenty-one? That would mean he'd been seventeen when I found him, not fourteen like he'd told me. What the hell?

I had to admit he hadn't changed much in appearance in the years since I met him.

His blond curls still framed his face in the same way, though they were a little longer.

His cheeks still had that slight roundness that made him look younger than he was.

His blue eyes sparkled the same way they had when he'd first started to realize the Sanctuary could truly be his home.

"Why did you lie?" I asked, puzzled.

Keoni winced, then ran his fingers through his messy curls, tugging at the strands nervously. I wanted to reach out and grab his hand before he pulled out his own hair, but I didn't. Instead, my hand curled into a fist on the desk.

"Remember how I said my herd kicked me out because of my disability?

" he asked, and I nodded. When I'd found him, he'd been dragging himself around with his front legs, his lower half injured from being hauled over the rough ground.

He'd told me his herd had kicked him out because he couldn't support himself, literally and figuratively, which had surprised me.

I'd never met a centaur, but I'd read they were an honorable species, so I'd never understood why they'd abandoned him.

"It wasn't a lie, but not the full truth either.

They did kick me out, but only after I turned of age.

Their honor wouldn't let them abandon a disabled child.

They said that once I was an adult, I'd be responsible for taking care of myself, that the herd couldn't carry me anymore because adults should be independent.

When you found me and offered me a home, I was afraid you would be the same, that you'd reject me if I told you my real age. So I lied."

Keoni still looked the same as he had when I first found him, so I didn't think for a second that he was lying to me. He had a baby face that hadn't aged a day, and I was sure he could still pass for a teenager if he wanted to.

"What about later? Surely you saw older residents when you got here?"

Keoni smiled wryly. "I did, but then I was worried you'd send me away because I lied about my age, and then by the time I really started trusting you and everyone, I felt embarrassed. I wanted to tell you a bunch of times, but I always chickened out, and the more time passed, the harder it got."

I shook my head, but I understood how he felt. It couldn't have been easy for him to put his trust in a stranger like me. I knew only too well how easily that could go wrong.

"I understand why you lied," I murmured, and his shoulders slumped. I hadn't even noticed he'd been stressed about my reaction. I wouldn't make a very good mate for him, would I?

"I'm going to tell the others too," he said earnestly, and I nodded.

An awkward silence fell between us for a moment before Keoni leaned forward and gathered up the plates. "I'll leave you to it, but you should get a nap. You look like shit."

Just the words I wanted to hear from my mate, I thought wryly, but didn't say it out loud. Instead, I nodded, then watched him go.

Once the door closed, I buried my face in my palms and sighed.

We'd talked, and yet my mind was just as messed up.

I needed a break, but I couldn't let myself get distracted for too long.

The last time that had happened, the whole Sanctuary had faced a weather anomaly that could've been disastrous if not for Zamir and his mate.

The thought of Nolan didn't make anger bubble up in my chest the way it had before, but I still wasn't comfortable around the dragon.

He reminded me too much of the past I'd done my best to forget over the last few centuries.

I'd even gotten used to my metal arm, to not thinking of that day every time I moved my fingers, but it would take me a while to interact with Nolan without thinking about what could've been if he'd succeeded in helping me all those years ago.