Chapter 2 #2
Genuinely curious how Vesryn had spent his time since the attack, Jassyn asked, “What happened with the wraith prisoners you transported to the dungeons? Did you get—”
“I’m not discussing that,” Vesryn snapped, a sharp finality inoculating his words.
Rolling his eyes, Jassyn busied himself with filing the books onto the shelves. He’s the one who wanted to have a “conversation.” If that’s how he’s going to be, I’ll leave after I’m finished sorting these titles. Assuming he could walk back across the room without falling on his face.
“What the bleeding stars are you doing?”
Jassyn spun to face the prince, snagging the top volume in his cradled stack before it slid off his pile.
Could he at least pretend to be winded? Vesryn leaned back on his heels, studying him with an unnerving intensity.
An uncomfortable silence loomed like thunderheads in the space between them.
Distract him so he doesn’t notice anything is amiss.
Jassyn cleared his throat. “I’m organizing your collection.” Tearing free from the prince’s gaze, he squeezed a book in at the end of a shelf. “I don’t know how you find anything—if you even read. Who arranges by size and color?”
“I know where everything is.” Vesryn raised both brows, like he thought Jassyn was the mad one. “You happen to be dismantling my bookcase.”
Hands slippery, Jassyn nearly fumbled the stack of volumes. “Well, obviously, you’ve spent no time in a library if you believe that this is the appropriate way to file your collection.”
“Fine, Magus Meticulous. Have it your way.” Vesryn toweled off and tossed the cloth to a chair. “Are you going to tell me the reason for your visit? Or are you simply here to molest my tomes?”
Scowling, Jassyn evaded the question, rummaging for something else to say. He retrieved the texts from the next shelf, spreading them across an end table, determining how many he’d have to accommodate.
“I heard the magisters are crediting the training you required of us as the reason we survived.” Mood turning bleak like the storm, Jassyn neglected acknowledging his absence during the assault.
However, he believed Vesryn deserved recognition for how thoroughly he’d prepared the magus for a confrontation—not that anyone ever expected one to take place on their island.
First I’m pushing him toward Serenna, now I’m stroking his ego. Stars, something is seriously wrong with me.
Vesryn shouldered on a loose black tunic, his voice muffled before his head emerged.
“Thirty percent of our recruits perished at the hands of those beasts.” He brushed away the loose hair spilling across his face.
“I failed to keep Centarya safe. Neither the rangers nor I have been able to locate the wraith.”
Jassyn’s thoughts skittered around the elven wraith he’d saved, having wondered more than once where he’d portaled to. He’s still out there. Somewhere.
“There’s fewer than a hundred dracovae riders,” Jassyn said quietly, while he finished ordering the shelf. “The burden of responsibility isn’t only yours to bear. I simply wanted to tell you that you have the magus’ respect.”
Vesryn wandered to the dining table. “We’ve spent the past three days scouring the realms,” he nearly growled, pouring water from a silver pitcher.
Half the liquid sloshed over the side of the glass.
“We’re no closer to finding the wraith now than we were eighty years ago when they broke free from the dungeons. ”
The prince clenched his jaw before draining the goblet. Jassyn jumped when Vesryn slammed the empty glass back on the table before filling another cup. Abruptly pivoting, the prince prowled in his direction before shoving the water at him.
“Am I supposed to guess why you’re here?” Vesryn demanded. “I find it hard to believe that you came all this way to compliment me.”
Jassyn’s heart battered his ribs as the prince’s gaze swept over him, calculating eyes narrowing, seeing far too much. Opting for silence, Jassyn snatched the offered glass, greedily downing the contents.
“You’re sweating more than me and I have a feeling it isn’t from your spectacular exertion of arranging my shelves.” Vesryn crossed his arms, fingers drumming. “When was the last time?”
“I—” Betrayed by his body, a renewed wave of tremors pillaged control of Jassyn’s muscles, rippling him like a sheet in the wind. He tightened his grip around the cup, his thoughts spiraling too quickly to snatch at an answer.
“You’ve consumed Stardust.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Vesryn frowned before realization flickered in his gaze.
“Your mind was clouded the night of the attack when I telepathically linked with you.” He released a disbelieving grunt.
“I dismissed it as your typical way of shielding from me.”
Jassyn leaned back as Vesryn raided his space, scrutinizing his face. The prince shook his head, tone tightening. “Judging from all those vessels blown in your eyes, you’re getting close to hallucinating from the withdrawal.”
Locking his knees, Jassyn carefully inched away from the prince. Before losing sensation in the rest of his extremities, he placed the cup on an end table. The empty glass rattled against the ebony wood.
Apprehension soaked Jassyn’s leathers as he anticipated Vesryn’s interrogation and eruption. He swallowed, the acknowledgment coming out as a hoarse whisper, his voice as unsteady as his limbs. “I—I need help.”
The admission wasn’t as freeing as he’d expected since Vesryn wasted no time restraining his shoulder, jutting his chin toward a chair. A command to sit.
No going back now. Jassyn crumbled onto a couch before his knees buckled. Pulling a throw pillow to his chest, he braced himself against an overwhelming surge of guilt.
Pouring another glass of water and setting it beside him, Vesryn drilled him with pointed questions about his habits, likely determining how severe the consequences should be.
“Initially, I took enough Stardust for memory loss,” Jassyn admitted, running a hand through his curls, “but lately—”
“You’ve been blacking out?” Vesryn interjected, voice pitching high. His eyes bulged as he froze in the middle of sitting next to Jassyn on the sofa.
Gripping the armrest, Jassyn scooted to the edge when Vesryn resumed reclining, stealing most of the space. “I know it was foolish but—”
The prince interrupted him. “Stars, you’re lucky you’re not dead.” Vesryn untied the leather strap at the top of his head, shaking his hair free.
“I thought the dust would help…” Words abandoning him, Jassyn knew he had no excuse for indulging. “I only wanted to make my servitude to the Vallendes bearable. But if the wraith return…” Jassyn cleared his throat, regret killing the remaining words on his tongue.
“You don’t need to justify your reasoning to me.” Vesryn waved a hand disinterestedly, but something softened in his features. “If I would’ve intervened with your contracts sooner…” This time it was the prince who trailed off, avoiding his gaze.
Jassyn focused on lacing his quivering hands together, eyes welling with remorse.
Growing somber, he gathered his decaying strength before the weight of his mistakes overwhelmed him.
“I can’t stop. I’ve tried.” Chest constricting, Jassyn inhaled a stabilizing breath, a tight knot unraveling from sharing this much. “I want to—I know I need to.”
The prince’s jaw tightened before he muttered, “I would destroy every speck of Stardust if I could, having experienced how destructive it is. I don’t know why my sire permits it.
” Vesryn blew out a heavy sigh. “Some part of you will always crave more, but the urge won’t be unmanageable once it’s out of your system. ”
Jassyn’s relief was short-lived. Vesryn suddenly straightened, flashing his teeth.
“You’ll have to find something else to fill the void so you don’t slip back into the habit.
” The prince reached over to shake Jassyn’s shoulder.
“Perhaps you’d like to take up sparring?
” He squeezed Jassyn’s bicep. “Maybe we could spend the evenings building some muscle on this delicate frame.”
“I appreciate the offer,” Jassyn said, ripping his arm out of his cousin’s grip. “But sparring with you sounds less appealing than withdrawing from Stardust.”
But still, Vesryn was unexpectedly calm. Jassyn had anticipated aggressive retribution, considering how ruthlessly he punished recruits for the same offense.
“You’re not upset?” Jassyn ventured to ask, balancing on the cusp of surrendering his anxiety. “What about my position? Shouldn’t you be banishing me from campus?” He swallowed. “Or—or worse?”
“If I continue to exile everyone who fucked up, the island would be empty.” Vesryn threaded his fingers through his hair, retying the strands into a topknot. “If that were the case, I wouldn’t even be here.”
Unable to forgive himself, Jassyn felt like arguing simply for the sake of it, knowing his actions didn’t deserve to be brushed aside so casually.
Had he been in control of his abilities he could’ve made a difference, even if it was saving the life of just one initiate.
“I don’t know how many died because I wasn’t able to mend them. ”
The prince’s fingers drummed on the armrest. He stared out the window, watching the rain patter against the glass.
“Those deaths are on me,” Vesryn said quietly.
“That’s not true.” Jassyn frowned. “You’ve spent nearly every waking moment hunting the wraith and—”
“And it hasn’t been enough,” Vesryn snarled. “If Serenna…” He buried his face in his hands, voice stifled with distress. “She almost died.”
“But she didn’t.” Jassyn resisted the unnatural urge to reach out and comfort his cousin.
“You can hardly blame yourself for the wraith attacking us. They’ve been harassing our realm for decades.
” Folding his arms, Jassyn fought to keep the jagged edge from his tone.
“I don’t know why we’re even arguing about this. ”
“You’re right,” Vesryn said, uncovering his face.
“We’ll have plenty of time to debate our shortcomings over the next few days.
” He picked at a frayed thread on the sofa.
“Though I suppose you won’t recall much once the withdrawal fully kicks in.
” The prince rose and grabbed Jassyn’s glass, refilled it and forced it back into his hands.
“Stay hydrated. I imagine you’ll start puking soon. ”
Jassyn stared at the water, unease pooling in his gut like the rain puddles forming on Vesryn’s balcony. “How did you stop?” He glanced at his cousin for reassurance. They’d never discussed the prince’s former vices, but his indulgence wasn’t exactly a secret.
“I solicited help from my brother’s dracovae handlers,” Vesryn said, flopping back to the couch.
“I ordered them to tether me and chain me in a stall.” His mouth twisted.
“I gave them instructions to leave me alone for a week, and to periodically shove food and water in through the door. They shielded the cell so they wouldn’t have to hear my crazed screaming. ”
The prince sprawled across the sofa, hooking his ankles over an armrest. Jassyn’s armrest. Pinching his lips, Jassyn debated how effective he’d be at displacing the prince’s legs from his lap.
“It was far from pleasant sobering up only to realize I had spent days wallowing in my own filth.” Vesryn rolled his eyes. “And you’ll be pleased to know my flight captain has never let me forget it.”
Jassyn emitted a disgusted scoff, sipping at the water, ready to curl into a ball and endure whatever the next few days would bring. “Lovely.” Hand still shaking like reeds in the wind, he carefully placed the goblet on the end table beside him.
Vesryn lifted a palm. With a flare of force, an apple from the fruit basket on his dining table hovered through the air, landing on top of his waiting fingers.
“I was under Stardust’s influence for much longer than you, so I doubt you’ll be reduced to that state.
” The prince gestured with his thumb to a door behind him.
“In any case, you’re staying with me.” He grinned, a mischievous light flashing in his eyes.
“I’ll make sure you stay quite safe in my bed. ”
“What?” Jassyn heaved Vesryn’s legs out of his lap. “That’s unnecessary. I’ll return to my chambers.”
Vesryn swung his ankles back onto Jassyn’s armrest. “Would you rather I settle into your apartment, poke around, and rearrange your books to my liking? I’ll crack all the spines, stars help me.
” Jassyn flinched at the unsettling noise of Vesryn biting into the apple.
“You’re going to be incapacitated. You’ll need someone to watch over you so you don’t try anything stupid. ”
Jassyn leaned his head against the couch, staring at the ceiling. “And what makes you the perfect guardian for that?”
Vesryn nudged Jassyn’s shoulder with his bare toes. “You came to me.”
Thwarted, Jassyn scowled, conceding to suffer through spending time with the prince. What was I expecting?
“You can change out of your leathers and get into something more comfortable.” Vesryn bounced the half-eaten apple in his palm. “I have some of that cashmere you’re so fond of.”
Jassyn’s eye twitched when Vesryn pronounced it as “cazzmere.”
“You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to spending this quality time together,” the prince said, ruffling his curls. “You really should visit more often, you know.”
Jassyn didn’t have any remaining fight left to fend Vesryn off. I brought this on myself. He wilted like a trampled flower, melting deeper into the sofa.
Submitting to resignation and exhaustion, Jassyn covered his face in a fit of despair, begging the pounding in his head to subside. He felt like weeping in both relief for the help and in defeat when Vesryn started rubbing his shoulder in what he interpreted as compassionate amusement.
Jassyn swallowed to stave off a renewed lurching in his gut. Oh stars. That was one of his final coherent thoughts before dashing to the bathing chambers to empty the contents of his stomach.