45. Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Five
Mac
What if.
I’ll always choose you.
The same bullshit rolls around in my head, over and over, only broken up by the occasional knock on my bedroom door.
“ Fuck off ,” I call out and pull the extra pillow over my head to block out Jordan’s voice.
Except … it smells just like him.
My whole fucking bed smells like him and it’s choking me.
“Vida.”
I press the pillow down farther over my face.
“At least let me explain.”
I growl when he tugs on the pillow, stealing the only barrier between my crumbling heart and his stupidly handsome face.
“Explain what,” I grind out through a ticking jaw as the man lays down beside me, shoving my pillow beneath his head.
“That I got nervous,” he answers as if it’s that easy. As if all he needs to do is flash his twinkling eyes at me and I’ll crumble.
That things will go back to normal.
Problem is … we’re so fucking far away from normal that there doesn’t seem to be a way back. That old version of us doesn’t exist anymore. That version of us just gone.
We’re not even friends.
“Get out,” I say without heat.
“No,” he says back with just as little emphasis.
“I’m fucking tired, Jordan.” My eyes burn, my chest caving in. “So tired.”
“I know, Vida,” he murmurs back and scoots closer.
I nearly break when he palms the back of my head and pulls until I meet his chest. It’s still bare and warm and hard beneath my cheek.
“I can’t keep doing this with you,” I whisper past the thickness in my throat.
His arm cinches around my shoulders, holding me close enough that a tear leaks out.
“I’m sorry.” Lips press to my hair and another tear tracks down my temple. “I’m sorry that it happened like that but I’m not sorry I did it.”
My breath hitches.
“I’d kiss you all over again, Mac. Touch you. More.”
His fingers curl around my ribs, his other hand getting tangled in my hair.
“More, if you’d let me.”
“Jordan,” I whisper, my throat too clogged with emotion.
What if.
Just once. Just to see what it was like.
“Just rest for now, Vida. I’ll be here until you kick me out for real.”
Would I be able to survive it?