57. Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Mac
A fire rages in his molten navy blues.
Just say it.
Just fucking say it.
“I’m a goddamned fool.”
I blink.
And blink .
Because with that chance statement from Jordan’s lips comes a softening to his features I wasn’t expecting, but watch nonetheless as his jaw unclenches and the crease between his brows smooth out.
Like he’s melting into the moment while I stand here on edge with pins and needles taking up residence in my veins.
This is where he lets me know it never should have happened.
That it was a phase. A curiosity.
That we’ll be better friends, and he hopes that I can get past it.
“You motherfucker,” I snarl on the shake of my head, my skin growing hot and tight. “I can’t fucking believe you. Coming all this way just to tell me—”
I cut off when gentle, yet rough, fingers graze my elbow and for a second … I let myself hope. It’s a dangerous thing to allow when I feel so damn raw, but I can’t not .
Not when he’s goddamn touching me.
My gaze drops, zeroing in on the touch before jerking away from him.
“Just go, Jordan. It’s fine. I don’t need the spiel I’ve already heard.”
The bathroom is in my sights, it’s glow calling to me like a ship lost to the turbulent sea and welcoming me to the shores if only my feet could move across the carpet.
But Jordan’s words freeze me on the spot once again.
“What spiel have you already heard?”
My eyes slide closed, and I force a breath that does nothing to calm the tremble taking over my limbs and threatening to strangle my insides.
“Fucking name it and I’ve heard it before,” I murmur through the clench in my jaw as my head falls back and I stare at the ceiling. “ My wife can’t find out .” My stomach rolls and my chest gets tighter. “And I don’t normally do this, but you’re you . ” My sight drops to Jordan, my voice cracking with each excuse I’ve ever heard off my lips. “ I swear I’m not gay . Or this will never work with a man. ” My eyes sting and my throat goes raw. “ Men can’t love each other so this is what I can give you . This is blasphemy. You’re the reason I’m going to hell. ”
I swallow against the way my voice shakes.
“So fucking excuse me for not falling for that shit all over again.”
His grip is on my jaw before I realize there’s tears tracking down my face and I grab him right back, yanking him off me.
“Jordan,” I warn when he lands a hand on the back of my neck.
When I smack that hand away, he darts back in, wrapping me up in a bear hug that shouldn’t make me feel like I’m fucking crumbling, but it does.
“Get off,” I snarl, though my eyes leak.
“No.”
I wiggle and jerk, a growl ripping from my gut when he only coils tighter around me, holding me together when all I want to do is break.
“I swear to fuck all, Jordan. Get the fuck off me. ”
My fingers dig into his hips, anchoring into the muscle there, making him hiss. When that doesn’t loosen him, I aim a knee for his thigh that he somehow blocks.
The momentum knocks us off kilter and we meet the mattress with a grunting thud.
Struggling against him, I shove until he’s on his back and my knees are digging into his thighs, and still he doesn’t release the band around my arms and chest.
“ Fuck you .”
An animalistic noise rips from my throat and I wedge my arms beneath him, pushing until he’s forced to let go or cling to me as I lift. His upper body slams to the mattress when his hold finally breaks and I plant my hands on his pecs to shove him further back.
He bucks his hips up, and just when I think he’s going to throw me off, his hands land on my thighs and bring me back down with a grunt.
Right on his stiff cock.
Blood running hot, I blame the groan that escapes me on the anger and drive the heels of my palms into his solid chest.
“I’m not like them,” he growls and lifts again, pushing me forward, making me brace next to his head or go flying.
Still, his grip is steady when it migrates to my waist, holding me in place when I jerk from him.
“But you are !” I yell back and drop my weight, sitting fully across his groin. “Yet you were just about to be like everyone else. Readying the fucking excuses. Reasons why not .”
My heart squeezes in my chest, more tears spilling over my lashes as I drag my hips over his bulge.
“You’ve dangled yourself in front of me for years .” I press down. “Pretending to be my best friend. Pretending to give a fuck. Well you got that last part.”
He pushes up, his fingers digging in with bruising force when another groan rips out of me.
“I’ve been with two people, Mac.” He pants. “And then there was you .”
I growl and give in to the movements, grinding against him unabashedly as something inside me snaps.
“Don’t you get it?” I pant out when his fingers find skin and trail up, pulling my shirt along with them and leaving goosebumps in their wake. “That makes you no different.”
“Feel me anyway.”
The shirt is pulled over my head, leaving it banded around my biceps as his hands fall to my fly and pop the button.
Leaning back with my heart in my throat, I toss the shirt somewhere.
Fingers dragging down my zipper, the back of his hand grazes my raging hard cockhead beneath the denim, and I almost choke on air.
“I don’t believe you,” I pant, though my hips work over his matching hardness, his digits dipping passed the elastic of my boxers and tugging.
My cock pops free and his fist wraps around me, jerking me fast and hard.
“Fuck, fuck—”
My back meets the mattress half a second before Jordan rips my pants from my legs.
I’m panting when he leans over me, his lips crashing to mine and stealing what little breath I could muster with each stroke of his tongue.
He gasps when he pops free, his sight clashing with mine, his nostrils flaring.
“I’m not like them.”
His head dips before I can make sense of that, lips meeting my neck and suckling over my hammering pulse. Lower. He trails kisses across my collarbone and down to a nipple he latches onto.
I’m aching with need when he makes it to the other one. Writhing beneath him when he goes lower.
His tongue dances around my belly button.
Lower .
“Jordan,” I rasp, his exploration leading him right to the trail of hair beneath my navel.
“Vida,” he murmurs right back with just as much rasp as his nose trails through the patch of hair, his breath tickling my skin.
Lower .
My cock pulses.
“ Jordan .”
Is he really going to—
Without warning, he wraps his lips around the head of my cock.
“ Fuuuuuuuck .”