75. Chapter Seventy-Five
Chapter Seventy-Five
Jordan
“Jay, you need to go shower. I can smell you from here.”
I shake my head at Lemon and switch the cross of my ankles. They’re propped up on the side of Mac’s bed and ache like a mother fucker, but I refuse to move them.
“I showered this morning.”
Three minutes in the tiny stall while the nurses checked Mac over hardly counts but it was good enough to clear some of the fog from my mind and the grime from my skin.
“Ugh, fine. How about some damn sunlight?”
I point at the window next to me, the blinds open and letting a few beams in.
“The gym is on fire?”
“Insurance,” I mumble on a shrug and rub my thumb across the back of Mac’s hand. He’s a little warmer today, each day that’s passed like one small as shit step closer to him waking up.
At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
It’s been eight days since the accident and each one of those days I’ve spent just like this. By his side, talking to him, holding his hand, and hoping with everything in me that I get to have more time with him.
The doctors won’t tell me much since I’m not related to him and I’m not a spouse, but that hasn’t stopped Rex, and their mother, from telling me every bit of information they’ve gotten.
Like the swelling has gone down, enough for it to no longer concern them, but that he’s just … sleeping the trauma off.
That he’ll wake up when he’s ready.
That’s the part that has me on edge.
Mac never sleeps.
So while the diagnosis tracks, the behavior doesn’t.
It’s kept my stomach in knots and my ass planted in the shitty hospital chair next to him every second I can possibly manage since.
“You hungry, you damn buffoon?”
My stomach clenches and rolls at the question from across the bed and I give a short nod.
I’m really not, but I know I need to eat something.
I feel Lemon’s eyeroll more than I see it because I’m too busy watching Mac’s chest rise and fall steadily.
“I’ll be back,” Lemon sighs and I nod, still not looking away from the tattoos peeking out of Mac’s hospital gown. They’re colorful splashes against all the drab and washed-out shit surrounding them, just like my drummer is with life, and it makes my eyes burn.
“I miss you, mi Vida. So goddamn much.”
Resting my temple on our joined hands, I zone out while staring at the way his feet pitch the blanket up.
And all I can think about are his worn-down Chucks lying stranded in the middle of his hallway floor.
He loved me then .
Something in me snaps and it aches so deeply that I can’t tell if it’s falling into place or cracking more apart than I already feel.
Somehow … it feels like both.
How much time I’ve missed.
Time I’ll never get back with the man that somehow stole my heart when I wasn’t aware it was even up for grabs.
I’m not even convinced that it knew what was happening.
“Never once,” I mutter to the fabric covering his toes. “Did the others feel like this.” I lick my dried lips and roll my head over his knuckles. “Not even the sweetheart I had all through middle into high school. The one I was convinced was gonna last a lifetime. Once we traded V-cards, I was in it. Granted it took me three years to do it, but we did, and things were okay ish .” I chuckle at my naivety. “She turned out to be fucking the entire football team all of junior and senior year.”
Looking back at it now, I understand that my connection to her was more friendly than it ever was romantic. That my trauma-fueled and hormone-addled brain made the dots all line up enough to make it seem like more.
She was there before my parents died.
Gnawing at the inside of my cheek, I nuzzle into the warmth of Mac’s hand.
“The second was right after high school. Right time, right place kinda thing. We dated for months before I could work up the nerve to make anything happen. I chalked it up to jitters. Trauma. More trauma. For years, we went back and forth. Being friends who dated when they weren’t busy. It was good until Lugh showed up in the gym I was working at the time.”
My chest clenches at the memory of the biggest guy I’d ever seen walking through the door.
Looking for a temp membership, only to leave his number behind for me to call if I wanted more out of life than cleaning equipment and taking payments.
“I loved that gym. It was part of what saved my life. But Lugh spoke to a different part of my soul that screamed for more than what I was given. The stability I’d been looking for. It felt like fate calling my name.”
I sigh out a shaking breath.
“If only I’d known it would bring me here. To you.”
For a long while, I fall into listening to the heart monitor’s steady beep. A confirmation that Mac’s heart still beats in his chest as my eyes fall closed.
As long as there’s sound, there’s life. His life. Brilliant and too goddamn good for this earth.
Too good for me.
Will he still be willing to go on that date with me when he wakes up? Or will this change everything all over again?
I’m not sure how long I stay like that with my heart in my throat, uncertainty nearly choking me to death, my hand long passed falling asleep.
It’s so numb that not even my hair falling over my crown tickles it.
I know I should move, but I can’t. My head feels too heavy to lift, my neck too stiff to tilt.
More of my hair falls over my brow and skates across my forehead, causing goosebumps to rise along my spine.
Something nudges my scalp, and I hum at what must be a dream sinking it’s claws into my subconscious and attempting to pull me under.
Sighing, I let it ease me with its caress. Console me with its softness.
Gentle scrapes have my lips parting and my breath evening.
Stillness claims me, slowing my heart rate for the first time in a week.
It almost feels … too real.
“Tyro.”
Warmth settles over me like a blanket at the name and I lean as far into his dream that I can.
Blunt scratching along my scalp has tingles spreading all down my back and across my cheeks.
“Baby, you’re killing my fucking hand.”
I shoot upright, hair falling into my widening eyes as the sight before me burns into them.
All I can do is blink at the blinding smirk aimed at me, his hand hanging in the space between us, his eyes open and staring right at me.
“Mac?”
My lip wobbles when his grin grows.
“I would say evil twin, but that title’s already taken.” He gives a half shrug, then drops his free hand back to the bed.
The chuckle that comes out of me is so fucking watery it might as well be a sob. “God, I’m so fucking glad to see you.”
He snickers. “You act like I was in a coma or something.”
My stomach drops.
“Mac … you were .”
His brows furrow before he does a sweep of the room, then they meet in the middle with how deep his scowl becomes.
“That’s fucked. All I remember is Peach yelling at me to—”
He goes stock still, blanching even more.
I swallow hard.
“Oh, my God. Peach .”
Grabbing his wrists when he starts ripping at cords and monitors, I lean until my face is all he can see.
“He’s next door, okay?” His eyes are glassy and full of pain. Just like mine . “But he’s gonna be okay. He’s busted up, but he’s gonna be all right.”
I swallow when Mac nods and muster all the strength I can to keep my own emotions at bay.
Peach might be alert and better than he was when I saw him last, but that doesn’t change the fact that had I not been an oblivious asshole, he never would have ended up here in the first place.
But he’s alive.
Mac’s alive.
And that’s more than I deserve.