33. Reid
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
reid
I reached to the other side of the bed only to find it cold and empty. I sat up and blinked a few times, trying to wake myself up as I looked around. The room was still dark, the alarm clock reading seven thirty a.m., but there was no sign of Isa.
“Fuck. What did I do?” I groaned, throwing myself backward onto the pillow. I figured our conversation after what happened last night had cleared things up, but I guess she was just as worried as I still was about ruining the friendship we had.
I got up and was pulling on my dress shirt from last night, ready to go back to my own room to change out of formal clothes, when the hotel keypad clicked and the door opened. I snapped my head toward the entrance, ready to defend myself if needed. I relaxed when I realized it was just Isa.
She strolled in with two plates filled with food. “Good morning!”
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused about why she had two plates and why she didn’t just wake me up with her.
“What does it look like? I brought breakfast.”
As I looked at the plates of waffles, bacon, and fruit, a memory flashed in front of me. One from when Ryker hadn’t been born and my mom wasn’t an alcoholic.
“Kids! Breakfast!” my mother called from the kitchen.
“Race you to the table!” I called out to Kacey and Cooper from my room.
The twins were six, and I was ten, and this was what Saturday mornings looked like every week. Stacks of waffles with syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream, and so much bacon.
I raced out of my bedroom, my feet pounding against the carpeted floor. Cooper came up behind me, and I held him back with a stiff arm as I slid into my seat at the table.
“You cheated, Reid!” he complained. His pouting didn’t last long as Mom dropped our plates in front of us and we ate until we were stuffed and could hardly move.
“Why did you do that?” I asked softly. My vision flickered back and forth between the beautiful girl standing in front of me and the food in her hands. I wanted so badly to understand why she was doing this and just be grateful, but my mind couldn’t process anything other than having to fend for myself.
“What do you mean?” She cocked her head to the side before setting the plates down at the small table by the dresser.
“I’ve never had anyone take care of me before,” I whispered, sitting back down on the bed. “Everyone else has always needed me.”
I grew up in a house where no one took care of me. Growing up was survival of the fittest, and I did everything I could to make it out in one piece. I didn’t have the luxury of waiting around for someone to provide for me, not when everyone was relying on me.
She sat next to me, taking my hand in hers. “You don’t need to be the person everyone depends on. It’s okay to let someone take care of you for once.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know how.” It was the first time I’d ever admitted it out loud.
“Is it because of your mom?” Her deep eyes burned into me, like she was seeing my entire soul—every inch of me, scars and all.
“Yeah.”
“Reid.” Her tone was the most serious I’d ever heard in the time I’d known her, catching my attention instantly. “It’s not your fault.”
A numbness took over my body as I soaked in her words. I’d never thought maybe the reason I felt the need to solve everyone’s problems was because I didn’t know how to let someone else help me with mine. That instinctually, I put others before myself because I had to as a child.
When I didn’t answer, she spoke again, her voice gentle. “Do you want to go for a walk? Talk about it?” she suggested before turning her head toward the plates of food she had brought up. “We can reheat the food when we come back.”
I nodded, getting up from where I was sitting and walking to the door to open it for her.
It was early enough that it seemed most people hadn’t stirred from sleep yet, so the hotel hallways and lobby were deserted and quiet. It had been a long, late night for everyone, though.
We walked through the hallway in silence. I wasn’t sure if Isa was waiting for me to speak first or not. We were alike in that way. We didn’t push each other to talk when we weren’t ready, instead meeting one another where we were at.
We walked out the front hotel doors, still not having said a word. Tiny pieces of gravel crunched on the concrete under our feet as we turned a corner.
“My…Eileen wasn’t always sick. I don’t think the twins remember much of a time when she wasn’t, and Ryker definitely doesn’t remember, but I do.” I broke the silence, keeping my head down and watching my feet move forward, one in front of the other. “She used to cook breakfast for us every Saturday morning. Waffles and bacon.” I huffed a laugh out my nose.
“And I reminded you of that,” Isa murmured.
“Yeah. It’s not your fault, obviously. It’s just hard. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape that part of my past. I don’t really talk about it with anyone. Not even Colter, really,” I admitted.
“Why is that?”
“I don’t really know. A part of me doesn’t want to burden anyone else with my problems and a part of me knows that I can get through it on my own.” I’d been doing it my whole life.
Isa went quiet. A few moments passed before she said anything. “I know it’s different, but I know where you’re coming from. Sometimes I feel like everyone expects me to be this happy, sunshiney person all the time.”
Taking a look at her, I thought about what she said about the expectations she felt everyone had for her. To always be optimistic. I’d never known Isa to be anything but.
“Deep down, I’ve always kind of felt like a stepping stone for people.” She sighed, looking straight ahead as we walked. “I’m not throwing myself a pity party about it, though, either, it’s just something I’ve noticed. Everyone always seems to find someone better. I may be the best option at the time , but the moment someone better comes along, I’m forgotten.
“Ellison is the only one who’s stayed. That’s why she’s my best friend . And I know she won’t let anything happen to our friendship, but deep down I worry that one day it’s going to fizzle out and she won’t need me anymore.”
I turned my head toward her, taking in the woman next to me.
Have I been one of those people? Have I treated her like an option?
I never wanted Isa to feel like she wasn’t good enough, that she was a stepping stone on the way to something better. To me, she was so much more.
I grabbed her hand, pulling her to a stop. “I meant everything I said last night. Don’t think for a second I wasn’t being serious.” I wanted to reassure her that, just because I got scared for a moment, it didn’t mean I was going to take back what I said.
“I know you did.” She looked up at me with those big, brown doe-eyes of hers as she squeezed my hand back, a reassuring gesture. “I’m not worried. I just needed to get that off my chest.”
“Are you ready to go back inside?” I asked, the fresh air having calmed my mind. The conversation had also helped in some ways. Being able to tell Isa what was in the darkest corners of my mind without judgment was freeing.
She nodded, and we walked, side by side, back to her hotel room.