CHAPTER TWELVE - LIZ
CHAPTER TWELVE
LIZ
Liz couldn’t relax in the passenger seat no matter how hard she tried. It didn’t matter who was driving. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, holding it for ten and then exhaling. It was just another trick in her toolbox of self-calming strategies. Then she grabbed her phone and tapped the screen in quick succession.
After a couple of minutes, Melody looked over and asked, “Who are you texting?”
“Eyes on the road,” Liz practically snapped.
“Okay. I know.”
“Sorry. I’m used to riding with Rose these days. She’s still new at this whole driving thing.” Liz blew out a breath and forced herself to relax as much as possible.
Melody kept two hands on the wheel along with both eyes on the road. She drove the speed limit, but it was only a couple weeks ago that she’d swerved into Liz’s car.
“I’m not texting. I’m sending Bri an email through the prison’s system.”
Melody glanced over again. “An email? But we just saw her.”
“I know.” Liz hit SEND and shoved her phone back into her purse. “This is what we do.” Liz saw a smile curve along Melody’s face.
“What did you just tell her?” Melody asked.
“That it was nice to see her. And I confessed that I tried to drive yesterday.”
Melody looked over again. “You did?”
“Eyes,” Liz warned.
“Right. Are you going to try again? With driving.”
“Yeah. I mean, that’s the plan. If I want to be a professional photographer, I need to be able to drive myself to the bookings, right?”
“Presumably, yeah. You could have asked me, you know,” Melody said, looking over again.
Liz had to restrain from ordering her to face forward. Melody probably would have been a better teacher than Rose. “You’re leaving Sunday. And I don’t think one lesson would have been sufficient.”
“I’m not leaving forever though. I’ll be back.”
Liz wanted to believe that was true. Only time would tell though.
“But since I am leaving, we should totally have a little fun tonight,” Melody suggested.
“Fun?” Liz’s shoulders tensed again.
“Yeah. It was nice to see Bri, of course, but it was a prison. I wouldn’t exactly call that a good time.”
Strangely enough, Liz had always enjoyed going to visit Bri. It used to be surreal, seeing women in uniform blue jumpsuits and knowing they weren’t allowed to leave. Now, Liz didn’t think twice. It was Bri’s reality. “Okay, what do you want to do for fun?”
“Well, we should go out on the town. What is there to do for nightlife on the isle these days?”
Liz wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t usually go out at night. Night driving is a lot riskier than day driving.”
Melody halfway rolled her eyes as she glanced over. She returned her eyes to the road before Liz could say anything.
Liz took a breath, reminding herself that she was still in her twenties. She should act like it once in a while. “Oliver’s has dancing and music. It’s also within walking distance of my house if we drink.”
Melody beat a palm against the steering wheel. “Yes! Perfect. We’ll definitely have drinks. A girls’ night with dancing and drinks is just what the doctor ordered for both of us. Who knows. Maybe Matt will be there. You like him, right?”
Liz whipped her head to the side, a burn crawling through her cheeks. “What? No. We’re just friends.”
“You sure? I thought I sensed something between you two after our little wreck the other day.”
“You sensed nothing more than a mutual respect for each other.”
“I see.” Melody nodded. “Then who are you dating? Anyone?”
“No.” Liz shook her head, shifting restlessly in her seat.
“Why not? Melody asked.
Liz was growing increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Nosy much?”
“Yes.” Melody nodded. “By nature. And out of concern. I want to make sure you’re okay. I know I haven’t always been here for you, but I want to know what’s going on in your life.”
Liz sighed, watching the world pass by through the passenger window. “Well, I’m not much of a dater. I have a panic anxiety disorder.”
Melody was quiet for a moment. “Yes, I know. And?”
“And it’s not exactly easy to be in a relationship with PAD, okay? I’ve dated in the past and one episode of mine typically sends a guy running. They’re gone so quick they can barely mutter a goodbye. It’s embarrassing, really.”
“Those guys are jerks then. Not all of them will act like that, and you can’t spend your life being afraid that they will.”
The hypocrisy in Melody’s tone was almost comical. “Well, I can’t spend it running away either, can I?” Liz asked.
Melody drew back. “Hey, we’re talking about you, not me. And you’re changing the subject.”
Liz grabbed hold of the side door. She needed to hold onto something. “It’s not like I have a choice of whether I live in fear. I just do. It’s just there. And it won’t go away, no matter what I do or who I date.”
Melody reached over, her voice lowering, her teasing gone. “I’m sorry. Have you talked to someone?”
“Two hands on the wheel,” Liz ordered, trying not to let her emotions escape. She did her best to keep a tight rein on them.
Melody pulled her hand back to the steering wheel, quiet for a moment.
“Of course I’ve spoken to someone,” Liz said quietly. “I’ve been in and out of therapy for anxiety since I was eighteen. I’m on medication, of course. I’ve meditated and tried yoga. It might help a tiny bit, but it doesn’t fix it. It doesn’t fix me. This is just who I am now.”
The word now felt heavy. Now that Alyssa was gone. Now that we’ve all grown up and gone in separate directions. Now that life was different and would never be the same again. Liz had always struggled with anxiety, even when they were in elementary school, but now it was different.
They grew quiet until Melody pulled into Liz’s driveway.
“Okay,” Liz said, looking over.
Melody turned to her and lifted a brow. “Okay?”
“I’m agreeing to a girls’ night. But no guys. We go out together, we come home together.”
Melody’s grin was back in full force. “I’m not much of a dater either, to tell the truth. I’ve got commitment issues.”
Liz laughed. “Some things never change.”
“But sometimes things do,” Melody said.
Liz heard the serious note in Melody’s voice. She was right. Things did change. People changed. One thing that remained true, however, was this bond between them. There was a trauma bond, yes, but they were bonded before the accident. They were soulmates, not in a romantic sense. Soulmates in the sense that friends could click from the first hello and feel like they’d known one another all their lives. “Thanks for going with me today,” Liz said.
“Thanks for making me.”
Liz stepped out of the car and waved as she walked inside her home and headed straight to the fridge. She pulled out the orange juice and poured herself a glass half full. After drinking it all, she lifted the mail off the counter and thumbed through bills, pausing on a postcard from Ecuador. The front showed a picture of a large crater lake with the words LAGUNA QUILOTOA at the bottom. Liz paused to admire the beauty of the picture, wishing that she was there. She couldn’t even drive a car though. Getting on a plane and leaving the country was out of the question. Not that her parents had invited her on this trip.
Liz quickly turned it over and read her mom’s handwriting.
Hello girls!
Mami is doing so much better, and your father and I are having a great time here. It feels so good to be in my family’s homeland. Long overdue. We miss you both, of course, but we’re sure you’re taking care of each other. This summer will be a great bonding time for you both!
Your dad and I can’t wait to hear about all the adventures you’re having. Mami and the rest of the family send their love. They want you to come with us next time—because, yes, there will be more visits. This trip has felt like coming home to me in so many ways. My heart is with my daughters, but a piece of it is also here in Ecuador.
Love,
Mom
Liz sighed, allowing herself to miss her parents for a beat. Then she hurried about to prepare for her girls’ night with Melody. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had one of these. Probably not since before she was old enough to drink.
An hour later, she headed into the kitchen and started to prepare a cup of tea when she was startled by the sound of her front door opening and slamming shut. She was still getting used to the idea that someone else had a key to her house. She’d lived alone for so long that she jumped a little at the sound of her doorknob turning.
Rose walked in and gave Liz a once-over. “What are you wearing?”
Liz looked down at her outfit as well, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She felt good too though. “I’m having a girls’ night with Melody. It’s our last chance before she heads back to Charlotte on Sunday. Will you be okay here on your own?” Liz asked, suddenly worried.
Rose smirked as she tilted her head to one side. “Who says I’m staying here by myself?”
Liz felt that familiar ping of anxiety in her chest. “Where are you going?”
Rose didn’t respond. Instead, she continued to assess Liz’s attire. “I like this look on you. But you need a little . . .” She unfolded her arms and stepped closer to Liz, reaching up to mess with Liz’s hair.
“Hey!” Liz swatted Rose’s hand away too late. “What are you doing?”
“Fixing your hair.” Rose reached up again and pulled out the pins that Liz had neatly tucked on the side of her head. Then she rustled Liz’s hair before nodding with a satisfied look. “Will he be there?” Rose lifted her expertly tweezed brows. Liz had never gotten her eyebrows done. She thought lying on a table while someone ripped hair off her face would be pretty anxiety-inducing.
“Will who be there?” Liz asked.
Rose folded her arms again. “Oh, come on. It’s so obvious. You have a huge thing for Deputy Coffey. And he sometimes plays music at Oliver’s on Friday nights.”
“I do not have a thing for him,” Liz countered although her cheeks felt flushed.
“You do too.”
“Do not.”
“Yeah, you do.”
Liz took a breath, realizing that she and Rose were regressing back to childhood when they’d briefly lived in the same house together and squabbled like toddlers. “And how do you know who plays at the bar? You’re not old enough to go to Oliver’s.”
Rose shrugged, but she didn’t answer. Rose wasn’t old enough to get a piercing on her own either, but she’d found a way.
“Just tell me where you’re going. I’m responsible for you while Mom and Dad are away.” Turning, Liz headed into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. She was tired of verbally sparring with her sister.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here. Devin is coming over.” Rose stepped up to the kitchen bar.
“Devin’s still a girl?” Liz clarified.
Rose rolled her eyes. “We’re having a girls’ night, same as you.”
Liz rolled her lips together. “Except my girls’ night is strictly friends. No romance.”
Rose’s brows dived inward. “So is mine. Devin and I aren’t into one another. We’re friends, duh.”
Liz held up her hands. “Sorry. Just clarifying.” She reached for a banana from the basket on the counter and unpeeled it. “A girls’ night sounds like fun.” A night where Liz wouldn’t have to leave the house sounded preferable to one that had her riding shotgun in a car after dark. She had to admit there was some tiny part of her that was excited at the idea that Matt might see her in her new clothes.
“So, this Melody person—she’s an old friend of yours?” Rose asked.
Liz took a bite of her banana. “Yeah. And look.” She held out her arm. “She found the old bracelet we used to share.”
Rose stepped over to take a closer look at the bracelet. “That’s pretty cool.” For once, her tone wasn’t sarcastic.
Liz put her banana down and turned the bracelet on her wrist, showing off the few charms that dangled from the links. “Alyssa gave it to us.”
“Alyssa is the one who died?”
Liz swallowed past a rush of pain. Even after all this time, it was still hard to imagine that one of her best friends was gone. Rose had been a small child when everything went down. Too young to understand the gravity of the situation. “You remind me of her.”
Rose’s brow furrowed as she looked up. “Me?”
“Alyssa was a force to be reckoned with. If anyone told her no, she was more determined to do whatever her mind was set to. When she was a freshman in high school, she tried for the lead in the school play. Everyone told her to go out for a small role because the leads always went to seniors. She didn’t care. She auditioned as if the main part was already hers.”
“Did she get it?” Rose asked.
“Oh, yeah. Alyssa could do anything she set her mind to. She was fearless, unlike me.” Liz let her arm drop back to her side.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re not so bad,” Rose said.
Liz let out a weak laugh. “I guess that’s supposed to be a compliment.”
“I mean, you were pretty brave to take me on for the summer. ”
“Not that I really had a choice in the matter. Mom and Dad were going and you weren’t.”
The corner of Rose’s mouth quirked. “You could have said no. I’d have had to stay with Grandma Sarah though.”
The thought made Liz cringe. “You would have been the death of Grandma Sarah. But you’re not so bad either.”
“That’s kind of an insult coming from you.” Rose’s tone was teasing and almost warm.
Liz laughed out loud. “Well, it was supposed to be a compliment. You’re not the easiest roommate, but I think we’re finding our groove. Maybe?”
“I don’t know. Your rules kind of suck,” Rose muttered. “And you’re a pain in the butt.”
“You’re a bigger pain in mine. You’ve driven me to drink tonight after all.”
Rose cocked her head. “I’ll come with you if you buy me a Long Island Iced Tea. I’ll use my fake ID to get in.”
Liz hoped Rose was only joking, but grilling her would ruin what was turning out to be a nice, sisterly moment. “As if.”
“Just joking. I don’t have an ID. Some of my friends do though. ”
A prickle of worry niggled in Liz’s chest. “Is Devin one of those friends?”
Rose rolled her eyes. “Stop worrying, okay? It’s so annoying. I’m behaving and tonight you’re going out to relax and stop being so uptight.”
Liz’s jaw dropped momentarily. “I thought we were making up here.”
“Yeah, but all the niceness was a little too much for my comfort level.” Rose winked. “You look great. Go have fun, find a guy, and screw his brains out.”
“Rose!”
“And before you ask. No, I’m not doing that either. You’ll be happy to know that Devin and I are eating popcorn and watching sappy movies on TV tonight. No alcohol and no romance. We’re going to plan for prom.”
“Prom?” Liz’s breath stowed away in her chest. “You’re going to prom?” Liz tried to take a breath. How could her parents leave her here to deal with Rose’s prom?
Rose looked apologetic. “Devin turned down Jace. We might go stag. Maybe. But maybe not. I don’t know. Prom is kind of stupid, if you ask me.”
Liz tried not to freak out. She sucked in a breath and held it. Then she looked down at her outfit. Prom was a worry that could wait until tomorrow. “Are you sure I look okay?”
“You look like you robbed my closet,” Rose said, waiting for Liz to look at her again. “In a good way.”
To: Bri Johnson
From: Melody Palmer
Subject: Guess Who?
Bri,
It’s Melody. I know Liz writes to you daily. I hope it’s not too late for me to be a better friend. I’m not one to send email and certainly not every day, but I want to keep in touch. Sometimes, the longer you stay away or the longer you keep unsaid things inside, the harder it is. But once you cross that line or say those things, it’s suddenly easy.
The point is, I won’t stay away for too long. I won’t keep from telling you and Liz that you’re the best friends I could have asked for. The fact that you both tolerate me now, even after the way I’ve acted, is the mark of true friendship. Did I thank you for not kicking me under the picnic table during our visit? If I didn’t, I should have. My shin thanks you and so do I.
Now I’m off to have a girls’ night with Liz. Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of her.
Melody