CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - LIZ
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LIZ
Liz felt clammy. She’d been sitting in a chair outside the dressing room at Hidden Treasures for half an hour now, smiling plastically each time Rose stepped out with another dress. Rose had tried on at least two dozen today between all the shops they’d been to.
“This one!” Rose said, stepping out of the dressing room.
Liz looked up, speechless for a moment. Her little sister looked gorgeous in a fitted bubblegum-pink dress with a tiny frill that fanned out just above her knees. The dress had two tiny shoulder straps on each side and only dipped to show the smallest amount of cleavage. The back, however, plunged below her shoulder blades. Even though the dress was pink, it wasn’t girly at all. It was kind of an 80s punk rock dress that Madonna might have worn in one of her music videos back then. “It’s perfect,” Liz agreed. “Wow. That dress.”
“It’s vintage, which is so cool right now. I love it,” Rose went on. “This is for sure the one.”
Melody stepped over to them and assessed Rose in her dress. “You’re right. That’s definitely perfect for you. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen that dress. Where did it come from?”
“The rack over there with all the others,” Rose pointed.
“Hmm.” Melody looked over at Liz, her smile fading. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Liz tried to swallow, but her mouth was too parched. “Actually, can I have a glass of water?”
“Sure. I’ll get you one,” Melody said. “Be right back.”
Liz’s hands were shaking. She placed one over the other to try and anchor them to her lap. Rose’s gaze was heavy on her.
“Are you going to have . . .”
“If you say a freak-out,” Liz warned.
“I was going to say an anxiety attack.” Rose came and sat beside her, laying her hand over Liz’s.
Liz blew out a breath. “I’m trying not to think about where you’re going to wear that dress. Perfect as it is. Or the drive to where you’re going to wear it.” She sucked in a breath. She’d rode down the street where they’d had their accident many times before, of course. She usually closed her eyes and pretended it wasn’t happening. When Jo was alive, she’d kept a little wooden cross tamped down in the dirt on the roadside in Alyssa’s honor. Liz guessed it was still there, serving as a reminder. She’d never needed to be reminded though. Alyssa and the accident were always lingering in her subconscious.
Melody reappeared with the glass of water and placed it in Liz’s hand. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” Liz drank it gratefully. “I’ll be okay,” she finally said, looking between her sister and Melody. “Everything is okay.” She’d just e-messaged those very words to Bri. It was something she said to herself all the time. Sometimes that was all it took. Just a reminder that the world wasn’t ending and just being okay was enough.
“If you’re this upset about the idea of me going to prom,” Rose said, “then I won’t go. I’ll stay home.”
Liz looked over at her sister. She couldn’t believe Rose would say something so selfless. “No. You should go. It’s a once in a lifetime experience.”
“Well, twice,” Rose said. “There’ll be a senior prom too.”
Liz smiled. “A twice in a lifetime experience. I want you to go. It’s just going to take a few extra deep breaths for me to handle it. And I might be hyperventilating in a bag as you set out on your way there. It’ll be fine. I promise.”
Rose nodded. “Okay.”
Liz looked up at Melody. “Maybe you and I can hang out that night. You can be my distraction.”
Melody rolled her lips together, hesitating before responding. “Actually, I just agreed to go to prom.”
Liz frowned. “What?”
“With Christopher. He and Matt are chaperones, and I kind of said I’d be one too. But I can walk back my yes and stay with you that night if you need me to,” Melody said quickly. “Christopher will understand. I just thought it might be a full circle moment. I never went to prom. None of us did. Maybe this will be healing in some way.” She shrugged a shoulder.
Liz couldn’t imagine how doing the thing that had almost gotten them all killed, that had killed Alyssa, would be healing. It sounded traumatic to her. Like one big anxiety attack that lasted a full night. “I see. No, you should go. If you think it might help you, you have to. I’ll be okay. I’ll just watch TV or read a book to distract myself.”
“Maybe . . .” Melody hedged.
Liz shook her head. “If you’re going to suggest that I go to prom too, you can stop right there. There’s no way.”
Melody nodded. “Right. Sorry.”
Liz lifted her glass of water, her hand shaking so hard that she had to steady it with her other hand in order to not spill it all over herself. She drained the last drop and handed it back to Melody. “We’ll take the pink dress.”
“Like I said, it’s on the house. Courtesy of Jo.” Melody smiled. “Check out the shoes on the far wall. Maybe you’ll find the perfect pair to go with it,” she told Rose.
Rose stood, leaving the chair empty for Melody to slide in beside Liz.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” Melody asked.
Liz blew out another breath. “Yeah. So you’re going with Christopher, huh? Will it be a date?”
Melody looked toward the store where Christopher was perusing the men’s items. “I’m not exactly sure.”
“But you aren’t opposed?” Liz found that focusing on other people eased her tensions.
“I’m not opposed,” Melody agreed. “He’s cute. And nice.” She returned to looking at Liz. “Is it weird that I want it to be a date? Because he was Alyssa’s guy. She was crazy about him.”
“He never returned the crush though. And that was ages ago,” Liz said. “It’s not weird at all. Christopher is a hot commodity here on the isle, you know? All the single women have tried to catch his eye.”
“Really?” Melody hadn’t known that. “But he’s not a stud or anything.”
“Maybe not, but the pool of single men isn’t that big in Trove. You should know that. And a nice guy like Christopher is hard to find. Maybe he’s not a stud, but he is handsome.”
“You don’t have a thing for him, do you?” Melody asked, suddenly looking worried.
Liz laughed, the tension further dissipating. “He’s more like a brother to me.”
Melody’s gaze stuck on her again. “And you have a thing for Christopher’s friend, Matt?”
Liz wanted to deny that question too. Instead, she looked down at the empty glass in her hand. “I’m not really looking for anything romantic.”
“You may not be looking,” Melody said, “but sometimes romance finds you when you least expect it.”
* * *
Liz was alone in her home. Right after getting home from dress shopping, Rose had gone off with a couple of her friends. That was good because Liz fully expected to have some kind of mini panic attack. She was waiting for it actually. After helping her sister pick out a prom dress, there was no way she wouldn’t be crying, hyperventilating, or pulling out her hair tonight.
Except, she wasn’t. On the contrary, she felt pretty good. Maybe getting started back with Dr. Mayer was helping. Or facing her past and Melody. Something was helping.
Liz stood and walked to the living room window that overlooked her street. It was a nice evening. Darkness hadn’t yet descended. She supposed she could take her bike out if she wanted. Her gaze moved to her parents’ car in the driveway. Rose had gone off with her friends in Devin’s car.
Liz waited for her heart rate to quicken at just the idea that she might get behind that wheel right now, on her own, with no one helping. She waited for the tight chest and sweaty palms. It didn’t happen. In fact, a little zing of excitement zipped through her pulse. Without giving herself time to second guess this impulse, she went into the kitchen where the keys were kept in a small dish on the counter. She picked them up and jingled them for good measure. No fear, just excitement.
Liz walked out of the house toward the car, her breaths coming evenly. I can do this. She could back out to the mailbox and drive up to the house. Then repeat, just like she had with Melody the other day. Not only could she do this, she wanted to.
Liz opened the driver’s side door and dipped inside. When she realized she wasn’t panicking, she closed the door behind her. With a shaky hand, she placed the key in the ignition and twisted. A satisfying rev came from the engine and then a steady purr of the motor.
Liz blew out a breath. Working on autopilot, she pressed the brake and moved the gear into REVERSE. Then she eased up on the brake and felt the car slowly roll backward. Her gaze flicked to the rearview mirror, making sure she didn’t hit anything. She was moving painstakingly slowly, but she was moving and she was doing this all on her own. When she reached the mailbox, she pressed the brakes again and moved the gear into PARK. Then she expelled a heavy breath. “I did it!” she squealed. “I did it!”
Someone knocked on her passenger window and she nearly passed out from the startle. Matt was standing there, peering into the window at her with a perplexed look in his eyes and a smile at the same time. Then he opened the passenger side door and dipped inside.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m driving,” she said, oozing pride from every cell in her body. “I drove. On my own. And I didn’t hit the mailbox.”
Matt chuckled. “Good job.”
“Thanks.” She blew out a breath, feeling so alive in this moment. “What are you doing here?”
“I was out walking Mr. Beast and saw you miss that mailbox by a solid inch.” He grinned. “I thought I might check on you and make sure you were okay.”
“Better than okay,” she said, beaming at him.
Matt nodded. “Good. Where are you going to next?”
Liz nibbled at her lower lip as she contemplated. “Back up the driveway, I guess.” That’s as far as she’d gone when she’d driven with Melody on their second girls’ night.
“Or,” Matt said with a growing grin, “I can stay in the car with you and we can go down the road.”
“Down the road?” She waited for the panic to consume her. Where was it this evening? All she felt was exhilaration. “Yeah. Let’s go. Close the door and buckle up.”
Matt’s grin flatlined. He suddenly looked unsure. “I was only halfway serious.”
“Well, I’m fully serious.”
“I do have Mr. Beast with me,” he said, gesturing to his little Chihuahua.
Liz loved dogs. She certainly didn’t mind one coming along for the ride. “He can ride in the back seat. Hurry before I lose my nerve.” Because this wasn’t like her at all. This felt amazing. She felt free and uninhibited for the first time in years.
Matt placed his little dog—the most unbeastly creature she’d ever seen—in the back seat and closed the door behind him.
Liz didn’t waste any time. She moved the gear out of PARK and slowly started backing onto the road.
“Easy. Easy does it,” Matt said as she guided the car out of the driveway. “Whoa!”
Liz slammed the brakes as she nearly hit the mailbox across the street. Her heart jumped into her throat. “Sorry.”
Matt looked unfazed. “No problem. You’ve got this,” he said. “Deep breaths.”
She nodded. Then she blew out a heavy breath. “Okay. Here we go.” She pressed on the gas pedal and guided the car down the street, rolling slower than her bicycle would go, but she didn’t care. When she got to the STOP sign, she glanced at Matt before checking both ways. Not another car in sight, which was perhaps for the best.
“We can circle around,” he said. Their street was one big loop. “We can go in circles as many times as you want. Or we can turn on another street.”
Liz shook her head slightly. “Baby steps is fine by me.” She circled around their street and ended up back in her driveway. Then she put the car in PARK and glanced over at Matt. “That was . . . amazing.” She resisted leaning over and giving him a hug. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“I can.” Matt’s gaze was unwavering. “Want to do it again?”
Liz did. She wanted to do that simple loop of driving all night. “Hell, yeah,” she said, putting the car in REVERSE and backing out of the driveway again.
“I think you missed the mailbox by a good two inches that time,” Matt joked, giving her a wink as she glanced in his direction. “That’s progress.”
To: Bri Johnson
From: Liz Dawson
Subject: Brave
Bri,
You’ll never believe what I just did! I drove down my street! I mean, we didn’t leave the neighborhood, but I actually reversed out of the driveway, without hitting the mailbox, and navigated around the block. It was the most exhilarating moment, maybe in my entire life. Isn’t that crazy? Sometimes you can work yourself up about something to the point where it seems like a mountain. And in one instant, one breath, the mountain crumbles. My mountain crumbled. I know, I know. It was just one street, but being behind the wheel without panicking is half the battle. I know, in time, I can do more.
You were the first person I wanted to tell because I knew you’d get it. Now, I’m going to call Melody and tell her. Maybe I’ll rope her into driving us to see you next week. Or better yet, maybe I’ll drive us there myself. Just kidding. I’m not ready for that—yet.
xx,
Liz