Chapter 31 Andre
THIRTY-ONE
Andre
Noah, in his worn-out jeans and flannel, is waiting on the bench in the rose garden.
I don’t know why Elias suggested we meet at this park where I first chased him.
It feels a little strange being here again, but also kind of …
good. Like what we did that night isn’t something we need to hide from ourselves.
Elias tries to fall back as we walk over. I turn toward him to see what’s wrong.
Elias stuffs his hands in his pockets and says, “I don’t mind if you want to talk to him alone.”
I hadn’t considered that, but now … yeah. I think I do want to talk to Noah alone.
“I’ll go for a walk,” Elias says and starts to wander off.
“Don’t go far. Stay in sight.”
I’m being overbearing. I have been for days. I’m going to have to ease up on it, but I’m not fucking ready. But Elias nods, accepting it.
I keep an eye on him as I go to join Noah. I’m sure he’s well aware of our arrival and sees my approach, but he doesn’t look at me until I reach him.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi, Andre.”
I sit on the bench and watch Elias walk around the edge of the garden, looking at the roses. They’ve leafed out and are coming into bud.
“I’m glad you wanted to meet,” Noah says.
“I, um, wanted to thank you. For the other night. For the other … several.”
“I’m just glad you called me, Andre.”
“I wouldn’t have,” I admit. “Without Rafael.”
“It doesn’t matter why. I know it was hard for you.”
My throat tightens. There’s something lodged between us. It’s not coming from Noah. It’s coming from me.
Noah won’t force anything. He’ll let me leave it there. But … I don’t want to. It doesn’t feel good, and I’m tired of things that don’t feel good. Not everything has to be that way, I’ve learned.
“Noah?”
“Yeah, Andre.”
“I’m—” My throat seizes tight. My eyes sting. The word is stuck, but I force it out. “Sorry.”
When the word leaves my mouth, a shit-ton of pressure goes with it, and it makes me start crying. “I’m really fucking sorry.”
Noah hasn’t touched me since that first night when he saved me, when he cleaned me, when he made me safe. He doesn’t touch me now, but I touch him. It’s slow and awkward. It’s just my forehead barely resting on his shoulder.
Noah’s breath catches. Then his hand comes up slowly and touches my head, just as hesitant, just as awkward. But it makes me relax a little. I let my head rest more heavily. His hand gets heavier too.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Andre.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I’m just—fuck, I’m just really glad to see you,” Noah says in a choked voice.
“You never wrote me off.”
“And I never fucking will.”
I lift my head. He lets me go.
“Fuck,” Noah breathes. He scrubs his sleeve across his eyes. “It’s easier when you’re mad at me.”
I scrub my own eyes. “I was never mad at you.”
“Yeah,” he says with a sigh. “I know.”
I watch Elias wandering. He glances up and meets my eyes across the garden. He sees what I need. He starts walking toward me and Noah.
As Elias sits on the bench at my side, he asks, “Is he dead?” He means his father.
“Yeah,” Noah replies. “He’s dead.”
“And are we in the clear?” I ask.
“Seem to be. But I always have shit ready, if someone needs to get out.”
I frown, thinking. “The others. They do this kind of thing a lot?”
“A lot of you do. There’s always risk.”
“Wes said that ForbiddenX is a honey pot. Dominic guessed it pretty easily.”
Noah says, “It’s what Lush is too. Both of them use their business to … lure certain types.”
It makes me uncomfortable. ForbiddenX, after all, lured me. “Is that why Wes was reporting on me to you?”
“He was concerned about you, that’s all.”
“Concerned that I’d need to be put down.”
Elias shifts at my side, not liking that.
Noah frowns. “It wasn’t like that. If there had ever been a need to interfere, Wes would have involved me. We would’ve figured out how to help. He and I agreed to it.”
“I see.”
“Wes is complicated, but he’s a good guy.”
“I know,” I admit. “He came to help. More than once. A lot of them did.”
“Yeah. They did.”
It’s still so strange to me. Now, in the light of day, it makes me a little uncomfortable, but I feel like, maybe, I could get used to the idea.
“You can call me too,” I tell Noah. “If you, if someone, needs help.”
Noah nods. “Thank you. Shit does sometimes … kind of blow up.”
“I could tell.”
When silence falls, Noah stands up from the bench. “I should go,” he says, looking down at me and Elias. “Take care of each other.”
I nod and watch him walk off. Alone.
“We should have him over for dinner sometime,” Elias suggests.
“Yeah,” I agree. “We should.”
“And I want to come back here in a few weeks when the roses bloom.”
“We can do that.”
“And maybe we should come at night sometime and run the trail again.”
I grin. “Maybe we should.”
Elias stands up. “There’s another place I want to go while we’re here.”
“Is that why you suggested this park?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. Can we?”
“Of course,” I say, taking Elias’s hand as I stand.
“Why Rose?” I ask as we head down the path between the rosebushes. “Your name.”
“Oh. It’s a … hard story.” His eyes are down.
“Not ready?” I ask.
“Not yet.”
“Okay.”
His eyes come up. He gives me a slight smile, relieved that I understand that some things take time.
* * *
Elias’s other place is the animal shelter. He seems surprised when the women working there are excited to see him. It’s all “we missed you” and “how are you” and “it hasn’t been the same.” Elias’s cheeks get bright red, and it’s absolutely adorable.
When the greetings settle down, we go into the “enrichment room,” where Elias plays with every single cat. After a while, one of the women pokes her head into the room and says, “There’s one that’s not in here. Two actually. A mama and baby.”
Elias’s eyes light up at that, but he finishes his rounds before we walk out to the kennels. At the end, there’s a black cat with a tiny white kitten.
“One kitten is unusual,” Elias comments as the woman opens the kennel.
The woman nods in agreement and explains, “Young mama.”
Elias kneels in front of the open kennel. The black cat starts purring. Elias reaches in and scratches her under the chin. The green eyes close.
“Is this … where did this cat come from?”
“A lady brought her in. Said the cat showed up with the kitten at her bodega.”
Elias stares at the woman then at the black cat again. “This is … this is Onyx.”
“Huh?”
“This is my—well, she’s not mine. I used to feed her when I worked at the bodega.”
“Ah,” the woman says, as though that answers a longstanding question. “I always wanted to ask where you worked.”
“You did?” Elias is clearly surprised.
“I didn’t want to be nosy, but—anyway. You used to feed this cat?”
“Yes,” Elias replies, still looking stunned. “But she vanished. She … had a kitten, I guess. Oh my god, I can’t believe this. I thought she was … I thought something bad happened to her.”
Elias looks up at me with such a hopeful expression that I ask, “So we’re getting a cat?”
He grins. And it’s so fucking delightful that I manage to hold back my wince when he says, “Two actually.”
* * *
“So I’ve been thinking,” Elias says when he finally leaves our two new cats in their little nest in the closet. I could tell he wanted them in the main part of the warehouse apartment, but he put them in the smaller space so they’d feel safe. They can come out when they’re ready.
“About what?” I ask as I chop up the red pepper for the stir fry.
It’s strange. I once thought I wouldn’t be able to spend time like this with Elias because I didn’t have a role through which I could act it out. But I realized as soon as I stopped acting, that I didn’t need to.
I know I’ll mess up. I’ll revert. There are times I can feel the temptation inside myself. It’ll be worse when I get back into the office.
“About …” Elias trails off.
I put down my knife and give him my full attention. He’s standing at the end of the island counter. His fingers are gripping the edge of it. He’s about to drop something on me, I can tell.
And he does.
“I think you should sell the hotel,” he says. “Or at least step back from it.”
I stare at him, stunned.
He doesn’t list off any reasons or make an argument. He doesn’t need to. All the reasons are obvious.
“And what exactly would I do instead?” I ask.
“Well … you could run an animal rescue. With me.”
I snort. “I have approximately 45 minutes of pet ownership experience.”
Elias shrugs that off. “I feel like it would work.”
“It’s a wild fantasy.”
He smiles slyly. “That is kind of my specialty, you know. And yours is making them real.”
I go back to chopping. “Don’t be like that.”
“Like what?”
“Playful,” I tell him. “Sweet.”
“Why not?” he asks.
I refuse to look at him. “Because it’s really hard to resist you like that.”
Elias sidles around the corner of the island, and I can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing. “It’s just a thought.”
“It’s more than a thought. You’re making plans in your head, and you’re including me in them.”
“Yeah,” he says as he slips an arm around my waist. “I am.”
My breath catches. I set down my knife and turn to him. I tug at him until he jumps up into my arms, wrapping his arms and legs around me.
“You can have everything you want,” I promise wildly as I look up at his beautiful, delighted face.
Elias smiles down at me with soft, loving eyes and says, “I already do.”