4. Diesel
4
DIESEL
H opping around his room, Diesel banged his head to music playing through his bedroom speakers. There was nothing better than the opening riff of “Enter Sandman” by Metallica. Stomping around his room, shirtless and wearing only a pair of loose-fitting shorts, Diesel used his fingers to pick at the strings of his imaginary guitar. Hundreds of screaming fans all around him cheered as they waited for him to take them out of their misery and down the rabbit hole with him.
Music and drugs were his escape. Oh, and alcohol. And sex. Fuck, there were a lot of things that he used for his escape. But fuck. His life was awesome. He lived in a castle, got paid to play with his dick, and whenever he got tired, he just took a trip into that magical land where anything was possible. Soaring high above everyone, feeling on top of the world…
Lifting the remote for his bedroom speakers, he turned up the volume a few notches, knowing that Anders next door would probably be banging on his wall in… three… two… one.
Right on cue, there came a banging from the other side of the wall.
“Turn that shit down, asshole. Some of us are trying to watch porn in here.”
Chuckling, Diesel turned down the music. He liked to remind the guys that he was here every so often.
Anders and Diesel had shared a bedroom wall ever since Isaac moved into Cock Manor a few years ago. At the time, Isaac had requested a room swap, claiming that the morning sun coming in from his window was murderous on his pale Irish skin.
Worst. Excuse. Ever.
In actuality, the little perve just liked listening to Jared beat off on the other side of the wall.
Diesel knew it. Isaac knew it. Jared was too into his muscles to notice.
Walking over to his bedroom mirror, Diesel ran his fingers through his hair and double-checked that nothing awkward was on his face. In their line of work, you never knew what might end up stuck to your face… or body. Always safer to do a quick status check.
Once, he walked out onto the patio for dinner with a used condom stuck to the back of his thigh. Granted, he was high at the time and half a bottle of whiskey in, but still, it was awkward when the rubber fell to the floor in front of Matteo and the guys. He could still hear the squishy, wet sound it made as the lubed condom hit the stone tile.
No one was impressed that day, and the guys didn’t stop their relentless teasing until Isaac ended up getting a squeaky sex toy stuck up his butthole a few weeks later. Don’t ask how it got stuck up there. Even the doctors were baffled by the positioning of the toy and the length of time it remained clenched between his butt cheeks.
Needless to say, everyone stopped talking about the condom heard ’round the world .
“Mornin’, Bruno,” Diesel said to the smiling demon face inked to his chest.
He flexed his pec muscles and watched as the creepy demon did a little dance for him, moving its face to the beat of the drums.
He loved his little Bruno. The crazy dude kept him company and kept his secrets. The two of them had been through some crazy shit together, and through it all, the little dude never judged.
In addition to the creepy-ass demon face, running along the right side of his torso were three rather large stab wounds inked just below his ribs. A reminder of the three people who had betrayed him: his mother, his stepfather, and his stepfather’s son. If there was a cause for him turning out the way that he did, it was them. Thank you, motherfuckers. Hope you die a painful death.
Moving away from his emotional wounds, his eyes landed on the mantra that had become his words to live by, “Never Again.” Those chilling words were scribbled just above his belly button. Those two words were a stark reminder of the weakness he fought so hard to forget.
Lost in his own mind, his thoughts drifted to the painful memories of his past.
It was autumn. The leaves were just beginning to change color, and the evening wind was starting to bring a chill that only a light jacket could satisfy.
They were at Great End Skate, a local roller rink that kids and families used to pass the time while waiting for their lives to pass them by.
Coming to Great End Skate was not something that Diesel and his younger stepbrother, Jordan, did, but his stepfather had promised to take them for Jordan’s eighth birthday.
Diesel had been looking forward to it all week. He had never been roller-skating, and he hoped that his stepfather would teach him how to skate once they got inside. He knew that it was a long shot, but he hoped that perhaps Jordan’s dad would teach them both like all the other dads did.
“Can we go inside?” Jordan whined, tugging on his stepmother’s hand.
“No, your father will be back here any minute. He has the money for the tickets, and then we can go inside and skate for your birthday,” his mother answered.
“But I want to go inside now!” his bratty little brother argued, yanking her arm and sticking out his lower lip in a pout. For eight years old, the kid was still a big baby.
“Joe, you do as your momma says, or else I’ll slap you upside the head,” Diesel’s stepfather growled, opening the pack of cigarettes he had just purchased and striking a match as well.
“Finally,” his little brother gasped, charging off toward the arena with his mother dragging her feet behind.
Diesel stood up from where he was sitting on the hood of his father’s car and took a step toward the arena as well.
“Where do you think you’re going?” his stepfather asked, pressing a hand against Diesel’s chest and stopping him in his tracks.
Diesel stood there for a moment, confused. Were they supposed to use another entrance instead?
“Did you bring extra money for skating?”
Money? His stepdad knew that he didn’t have any money. Most kids got an allowance, but not them. His parents didn’t believe in paying their kids to do chores.
“That’s what I thought. Lesson learned, kid. Always make sure you are able to pay your way in life; otherwise, you will miss out on everything.”
Diesel stood there, seconds away from tears.
“Here, I need you to wait in the car and watch this beer while we go and celebrate your brother’s birthday. If you get hungry, there should be some crisps in the glove compartment.”
His stepfather passed him his six-pack of beer and turned to walk away. “You’re too old for skating anyway.”
Smoke billowed from the side of the man’s face as he walked off smoking his cigarette.
Jaw clenched, Diesel watched as the man who was supposed to provide for him, protect him, and guide him into the man he was to become walked off without a second thought for his well-being.
Never again would he rely on his stepfather to provide him with money for his ticket.
Next time, he would bring his own money and get to go skating with all the other boys and girls. Maybe then, one of the other dads would be able to teach him how to skate.
Fists still clenched, Diesel jumped when his cell phone alarm beeped, announcing to the world that it was just after nine a.m.
How long had he been standing there?
Moving toward the door, he grabbed his black sleeveless Nine Inch Nails T-shirt and threw it over his shoulder as he left the room.
Next stop, Jared’s room.
Using best-friend etiquette, Diesel knocked once on Jared’s bedroom door before turning the knob and letting himself in.
Diesel whistled.
Jared was bent over, ass hanging out, as he pulled his underwear up over his thick thighs.
“I see someone’s been doing their squats,” Diesel chirped, making his way across the room and over toward Jared’s bed. He paused, taking a moment to inspect his buddy's sheets before deciding that it was safe to sit his ass down.
“What are you doing?”
“Checking to make sure I won’t accidentally get pregnant if I sit on your bed. Don’t need any baby Jareds running around.”
Jared gave him the finger before reaching for his joggers.
“Want to go for a run?” Diesel asked, trying to remember the last time the two of them went jogging together.
The last few times Diesel had asked his best friend to go for a run, Jared had declined, choosing to spend time with his fiancé rather than get sweaty on a dirt path with him.
Seriously. Where were his priorities?
“Sorry, dude. Going to help Isaac with his boarding.”
In case anyone cared, Isaac’s favorite pastime—other than riding Jared’s dick—was riding his skateboard in the homemade skate park Jared had built for him years ago.
Sweet, right?
Yuk! Make him gag.
Feeling the sting of rejection, Diesel tried to mask his feelings by giving his buddy his standard “I don’t give a shit” shoulder shrug.
They had been best friends since they first met. Always together. Always there for one another.
Now?
Now he was lucky if he got to see Jared for more than thirty minutes before that skater-boy smurf hypnotized him with his magic-ass voodoo.
Seriously, how many times can two dudes fuck in a day before their cocks get all chafed and sore?
Frustrated, Diesel huffed as he got up off the bed.
“Whatever,” he mumbled, walking out of the room before Jared could see the hurt in his eyes. Sometimes, he hated his best friend.
Making his way down the corridor, he skipped over Isaac’s room, knowing that the boy already had plans and continued on to Levi’s.
He stopped in front of Levi’s room and gave a hard knock on the door.
A second later, the door flew open.
“Jesus! You knock like a gorilla!” Levi hissed, sending daggers through his eyes.
Diesel smirked. Yes, he was an asshole.
“Whatcha doin’? Wanna play some PlayStation ?”
Levi opened the door the rest of the way, revealing a half-naked Chase lying in bed, the sheets loosely clinging to his body.
“Sorry. We’re having sexy times.”
Of course they were. When weren’t Levi and Chase fucking like bunnies? Ever since the two laid eyes on each other, their clothing of choice was lube.
“Hey, Diesel,” Chase called from the bed, giving him a what’s up head nod.
Okay, this was getting sad.
“Whatever,” Diesel huffed out before turning and heading down the stairs, rejected once again.
Was everyone in this place fucking today?
Walking through the kitchen, he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and made his way outside. Perhaps Teo wanted to hang out and do something?
Biting into his apple, he stopped in his tracks when he saw Teo doing some weird-ass triangle pose on a yoga mat outside.
Fuck that nonsense , he thought to himself. He wasn’t that bored.
Pivoting, he decided to check on Daddy M and see what the big guy was up to.
When he reached Matteo’s office, the door was open, and two sets of voices were having a heated discussion. Not wanting to interrupt Daddy M and Daddy A, Diesel waited just outside the door and listened.
“Whoever told you that you were a master with a hammer was clearly lying to your face,” Matteo hissed.
Point one for Daddy M.
“I’m surprised you even know what a hammer is, your Royal Highness,” Ares responded.
Ouch! Daddy A with the return!
“I know a lot of things; I just dumb things down so you don’t get lost when I speak.”
Diesel let out a chuckle.
Both voices went silent.
“Show yourself,” Matteo snarled in that pissed-off daddy voice of his.
Shit. He was busted.
Diesel took a breath, then entered the dragon’s den.
“What?” Matteo asked, looking ten shades of pissed off.
Not wanting to seem like a clingy princess, Diesel shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t care.
“Just thought I’d check in and see if you needed a hand.” Secretly, he hoped that Matteo would ask him to help put together what appeared to be a bookcase that the two of them were clearly struggling with.
Throwing a hand his way, Matteo signaled no . “No. I’ve got my hands full trying to deal with an overgrown man-child. Apparently, I need to show my love how to hammer in a nail so that it goes into the wood straight.”
“But I thought you liked it when I go in at an angle,” Ares commented, apparently deciding that his life was not worth living.
Matteo’s eyes flared, giving the room a glimpse into the fires of hell.
“Go,” Matteo growled at Diesel. “I can’t today.”
Fine. Fuck.
Now that everyone was coupled up and preoccupied with their “special human,” it appeared that none of them had any more time for him.
Whatever. He turned and walked back to his room.
But what did he expect? It was only a matter of time, really.
Once inside his room, he began pacing the floor.
The story was always the same. Every time he got close to someone or felt like he belonged somewhere, it all came crashing down around him, usually in a glorious blaze of misery and fire.
First his family. Then his friends. Now these guys.
Did you really think it was going to last?
He’d secretly allowed himself to think that perhaps things would be different with Matteo and the guys, that somehow, he had found a home and a family to which he belonged.
How could he be so stupid? It was all just lies and fairy tales.
Now that they have their special someone, they don’t need a low-life druggie like you .
You’re nothing. You're pathetic. Who could ever love a loser like you?
Not even your family wanted anything to do with you.
They were right. All the voices of his past. He was alone. No one wanted him. No one needed him.
He had just been fooling himself.
Throwing on a pair of jeans and his hoodie, he grabbed his stash of cash from the back of his dresser drawer and stuffed his earphones into his ears.
Blasting Metallica, he closed his bedroom door and walked out of the chateau.