31. Diesel
31
DIESEL
T he ticking from the vintage clock was the only sound that filled the room. Diesel watched as the large hand slowly made its way around the surface.
Thirty more minutes.
He could do it.
They were having another one of their standoffs. Diesel was in his corner, refusing to acknowledge anything that was said. And Dr. Bloom, sitting there motionless, patiently waiting for him to answer her question.
“Mr. Pratt?” she asked, tilting her head slightly to the right while keeping her hands folded neatly in her lap.
“Huh?” Diesel asked, as if he hadn’t heard her ask the question three fucking times.
“Do you feel that you are worthy of love?”
And there it was. Time number four.
Sliding his gaze across the room, he shook his head slowly. “That’s a stupid question to ask. What do I give a shit what other people think?”
“I didn’t ask you if you cared what other people thought about you. I asked you if you felt that you were worthy of love?” Again, with the tilting of the head. What the fuck was her damage? Did she have an inner ear problem? Was she going to fall over the moment she stood and tried to walk away?
Diesel smirked.
“Is something funny?”
“Nah, just thinking.”
“Okay, let me ask you this. Do you believe that Matteo loves you?”
Diesel shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, of course, he loves me. Just like he loves everyone else at La Maison .”
“And whose idea was it to come to therapy?” Dr. Bloom asked.
“Matteo’s.”
“And why did you agree to come?”
Staring down at his fingers, he fidgeted with his palms, praying that the minutes would tick by faster.
“I agreed to come to therapy because I promised Matteo I would.”
“And why did you promise him that?”
“Because I could see how much my actions were hurting him.”
“So, you did it because of your love and respect for your boss, mentor, and friend.”
“I guess.” He shrugged. He hated speaking so openly with people.
Opening up only meant that people could see your vulnerabilities and use them against you.
Staring at the clock once more, he thought about Zero and how things had been going between them lately. Was it possible that the ex-Abercrombie model was falling for him? Or was the man simply being friendly, considering how often they worked closely together? These days, sex meant nothing. People hooked up with randos all the time. Hell, ninety percent of the homos in this world were all in open relationships. He really didn’t get it. If he loved or cared for someone, there was no fucking way he was letting anybody stick their dick anywhere near his man.
Call him possessive. Call him jealous. He didn’t care. When you were his guy (or girl), you belonged to him and only him. No fucking way was he letting his partner go around sucking other people’s dicks and shit.
Then a thought occurred to him.
“What does it mean when someone sacrifices their plans to stay home and take care of you while you’re sick?” He glanced over at the doc, hoping she wouldn’t look too deep into that question.
Of course she did.
“Well, it could mean a lot of things. I guess it depends on the circumstances and the relationship between the two people.”
“Say you don’t like each other?” Diesel asked, regretting having asked the question. He was suddenly afraid of what she might say.
The doctor shook her head gently. “No. If a person sticks around to take care of someone, especially when they’re all gross and helpless, that is usually a strong indicator that they care for the person.”
Butterflies began to take flight in his belly.
What was he? A sixteen-year-old girl? Butterflies? Really? Get a grip. He’s a dude. With a dick.
A very nice dick.
And a very nice backside.
Don’t forget his sweetness?
And the fact that he cuddles like a champ!
Where the fuck were all these voices coming from? Usually, they just told him how fucking stupid he was being and to go fuck himself, but today they were all ganging up on him, telling him how fucking awesome the guy was and how the man could literally walk on water!
Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration.
“You’re smiling.” A voice broke through the inner monologue his personalities seem to be having.
“Huh?” Diesel asked, locking eyes with the woman once again.
“Just now. Whatever was going on inside that head of yours had you smiling like I’ve never seen before. Actually, it was quite frightening. I thought you were about to have a nervous break or something.” Her lips turned upward, giving him a playful smile.
Diesel chuckled. He could see why all the other guys at the house liked Dr. Bloom.
“Sure, whatever,” Diesel responded, fearing that he might be giving himself away. He turned his attention back toward the window, hoping that she would move on from her inquisition.
“Was it this person? The one who took care of you while you were sick?”
Diesel’s eyes dropped to his fingers as his cheeks flushed.
How will you get better if you don’t open up? that pesky voice inside his head whispered.
He gave a slight nod with his head.
“His name is Zero, and he’s working with us here in London.”
Dr. Bloom leaned back in her chair and crossed her fingers under her chin. She appeared to be studying him. Probably reading his body language to figure out if he was being serious or just goofing around.
“I think this young man might be good for you. Clearly, you two have formed some sort of bond and attachment.”
If only she knew.
“So, I think you should continue to explore this newfound friendship and see where it leads. The worst that can happen is that this experience has taught you how to smile, no matter how terrifying it is.”
Diesel couldn’t help but chuckle. Fuck, this woman was hilarious.