12. Tru
CHAPTER 12
TRU
I t was a long day, followed by a long night. I lay against my bed and stared at the wall.
He was gone.
He’d been gone for a while, but I knew it was his family dinner night.
His parents weren’t horrible; they were just… aggressive when it came to what they wanted for him. Honestly, it wasn’t my issue or damage, so I had no clue why I was so worried when he didn’t come back.
I knew they could be obsessive about most things when it came to him and following the path they wanted for him.
No matter what.
Before I could give it another relentless thought, I jumped a foot. Within seconds, loud music started thumping through the house.
Frowning, I sat up and walked toward the door, only to have it shoved open. Van stood there. His green eyes were wild, and his chest was heaving.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“No.” I could barely hear his answer. “I’m not.”
“What can I do to?—”
His hands came to my waist, lifting me into the air and slamming me back against my mattress. His mouth fused with mine, and I could barely breathe.
I accepted it.
I accepted him.
I pulled him close and clung to him. He shook so hard that I almost panicked until he flung himself onto his back and pulled me on top of him, holding me close.
“Okay, okay.” I pressed my forehead to his. “Okay.”
“It’s not okay,” he rasped.
“But it will be,” I argued. “One day, it’ll be okay, and you’ll be mad you bit me.”
“I bit you?” He shook his head in confusion, his eyes never leaving mine.
I laughed. “No, but you looked angry enough to bite me. The whole point is…one day, it’ll be fine. Maybe not now, and perhaps not tomorrow, but I’m here, existing at this moment for you even though I hate you half the time.”
“You’ve always hated me half the time.”
“Yet you’re still using me to make you feel better.”
“I never used you.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I think that’s pretty obvious.”
“Which is exactly what I just said to you.”
“I didn’t see you putting up a fight.”
“I never do, do I?”
“You’re not playing fair.”
“I’m not playing at all. I was stupid to let you use me then, and I’m even dumber now to allow you to continue.”
“Again, I never used you.”
“Whatever.”
“Can we just pretend that the past doesn’t exist?” He clung to my waist, his fingers digging into my skin. “And that this is real, and you aren’t just a tutor who hates me, but my friend who wants to be there for me?”
“We’ve never been friends.”
“You’re right. We were so much more than that, and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything. Especially when it comes to the paradox of contradictions that is Vaughan Aires.”
“You know you’re sitting on my cock, right? You don’t have to refer to me in the third person.”
I smacked him on his chest.
“So violent.”
“Were you looking for comfort instead?”
“What kind of comfort are you thinking?”
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Fuck me,” he groaned.
“Is that a question?”
“Is that an answer?”
We were at a complete standstill. Our gazes were locked in that weird way when you didn’t know who should make a move first but knew something had to happen.
“What happened at your parents’?”
“Life happened.” He sighed.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I have.” He laughed. I forgot how much I loved it when he truly laughed. When he was himself and wasn’t putting on a front or trying to please his parents, investors, or coaches.
Me.
“They don’t want what I want.”
I sighed, knowing it was probably worse than he would ever let on. “And what do you want?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters because it’s important to you. Stop measuring yourself against everything else. It’s your life, and it always has been. Regardless of what they try to tell you.”
He went completely still.
“Can I ask for a favor?”
I gulped and tried to normalize my heartbeat and breathing. “Maybe?”
“Can I sleep in here with you?”
His voice was so broken that I knew I couldn’t say no, even if I wanted to. Yet the truth was, I didn’t want to.
“Just sleep?”
He nodded.
“Fine, but stay on your side of the bed.”
“Or…” He grabbed me so fast that I didn’t see it coming. In one swift movement, he pulled me to lay on top of him with my head on his firm chest.
My heart began to pound.
However, his stayed calm.
Steady.
Luring me in with each beat.
Neither one of us said anything for what felt like forever. The next thing I knew, it was morning, and the sun beamed through my curtains. Except I wasn’t lying in Vaughan’s arms anymore.
Instead, I was alone.
Which simply reminded me of all the times he needed me, and I was there. Only to wake up by myself. He was already gone.
Using me once again.
Vaughan
I didn’t know what possessed me to walk into her room last night and beg to stay with her, but I couldn’t be upset. Waking up to Tru was always one of my favorite things about us.
I barely slept, too consumed by the woman who let me back in her bed after all these years. Even after all this time, her scent still had the power to assault every last one of my senses.
The feel of her.
Her warmth.
Her touch.
The way her lips would pucker in deep slumber.
I watched her until sleep won out, and before I could think about what I just did, I carefully moved her and quietly left. I was never good with mornings. Probably because I never let anyone spend the night.
Just her.
And still, I couldn’t bring myself to break out of bad habits. It was in my nature. It was how I operated. It made things easier for me.
For us.
Or at least that was what I told myself time and time again.
I hated that I was proving her right, but I didn’t know how to prove myself wrong. The feelings I thought were long gone came back with a vengeance.
I hated her for that too.
The last thing I needed was another distraction in my already chaotic life. We would always be enemies—too much hurt, too much betrayal was between us, like a chasm that would always exist—but at that moment, I could at least pull her closer to me. Because sometimes being physically close to someone was enough.
While football was one thing that helped me get my aggression out—she was warm. The ice was cold. But the person lying next to me, the one who left me, was warm, and there was literally no replacement for the feeling of someone touching you, feeling you, knowing you inside and out, inhaling, exhaling with you, being so comfortable despite your differences that they just exist by your side.
Fuck, just having her by my side.
See, this was why having her as a roommate was a bad idea. It reminded me of way too much, and it made me want.
Shit.
I needed to focus on all the reasons it would end in an explosion of even more chaos between us. Neither of us would survive, and I needed to focus on my studies and football, not on legs wrapped around me or a girl who knew me too well and saw through the cracks beneath the surface with ease.
It wasn’t easy to leave her there.
To walk away.
But I did…
And further hated myself for it the entire time.