22. Tru
CHAPTER 22
TRU
N ow
I didn’t make it to my bed.
I barely made it through the door before collapsing in front of it and leaning my head back against it. It shouldn’t affect me in any way. He was my ex. It was in the past. It didn’t matter.
I didn’t matter.
That was my takeaway, and I hated that my insecurities came rushing forward like a damn flood I couldn’t stop.
Drowning.
I was drowning in my own emotions over a stupid birthday that, for the past few years, I didn’t even care about… but seeing him.
Shit.
Seeing him.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
Just seeing him on my birthday and assuming a party was for me… realizing it wasn’t was hurtful, but whatever, then having to deal with her parading me around like a perfect little trophy.
“Isn’t she gorgeous?”
“So talented!”
“So smart!”
“You’re such a gem for officially adopting her. We need more people like you in this world. Here, I wasn’t going to donate this much, but ten grand seems like nothing compared to what you’ve sacrificed to raise someone who isn’t even yours!”
Cue the laughter.
Cue the painful smile on my birthday.
I was the sacrifice.
I was the burden.
I’d always been the burden.
Until someone told me I was their person, only to rip my heart out days later. I was his, and he was mine, and now all I had were reminders.
Was it so wrong to just want one moment? I wanted one minute of truth, when someone looked me in the eyes like I mattered and said hey, good job on powering through another year. Was it selfish? Should I feel guilty for wanting that for myself?
“Tru?” Vaughan's voice cracked. “Tru, I forgot. I’m sorry. I forgot.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as one solitary tear finally slid down my cheek. “I’m used to being forgotten, Vaughan. It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t.
It was just…my reality.
My life.
“Tru—”
“I’m headed to bed. Enjoy your party.”
Not mine.
His.
The irony wasn’t lost on me as I stripped and tucked myself in bed only to stare at the wall and wonder what the point was in being strong all the time.
I sighed. Being weak wouldn’t make things better so strong it was. Power through. Graduate. Make a life. Create something you were never given the opportunity to have.
Right.
Easy.
Just like falling asleep.
Hope.
What a dangerous thing.
Vaughan
No more. I told myself when I finally stumbled into my own bed. I set my alarm for six o'clock.
It wasn’t an alarm for practice. It was an alarm for her.
I needed to apologize to her face.
Her birthday was a trigger, and like a piece of shit, I fucked it up.
I finally fell asleep around two in the morning, only to get jolted awake by the loud beeping of my alarm. I was still saturated in so much anger and trepidation that I put on the first pair of pants I could find. I stumbled out of my door and toward hers. It was already open.
Was she already awake?
My gaze fell to the bathroom and the steam billowing out from underneath the door.
Not now.
Not today.
Today was a ceasefire.
Today may as well be her birthday.
I tried the handle.
Surprisingly, it was unlocked.
I let myself in. “Tru, look, I’m sorry I was an ass last night. I totally forgot your birthday, and though we’re enemies, I should have paid more attention. I was drunk. I know it’s not an excuse, but given our history, I can’t let it slide. I can’t. I won’t. So whatever you want to do tonight, it’s on me. I’ll pay. I’ll take you wherever you want to go. We’ll bury the hatchet for a few hours, okay?” Silence. “Tru?”
The shower curtain pulled back, revealing Brady. “I’ve gotta say, that was a really solid speech, bro. I’m proud. It’s like you’re growing up and found your tiny little heart.”
His girlfriend poked her head around the shower curtain too. “I think you still love her.”
“Wait? Why are you using my bathroom?”
“We traded.” Brady sighed. “She didn’t want to have her soap next to yours or something like that. Oh and she did mention war and body parts. Most of it is kind of fuzzy, especially when Tru started making hand motions that one hundred percent seemed extremely violent.”
His girlfriend nodded. “I told her to just get it all out.”
Fuck. “Get it all out? As in?”
“Attack.” She shrugged. “Clearly, you’re a problem, and she needs to feel.”
Brady grinned and pointed at her. “Psych major.”
“Perfect!” I yelled.
“Whoa, hey.” Brady held his hands down. “Taper the anger. You know, I think therapy would be a really good thing for?—”
“Suck my dick!” I stormed off back to my bedroom. Okay, she was pissed and apparently on the prowl to end me.
I needed her for my grades.
She needed me for money.
It was going to be fine.
Totally fine.
I repeated this to myself the entire time of our study session and knew I was in even deeper shit when I showed up at our normal table.
And it was someone else.
“Hey.” I dropped my bag on the table. “Is Tru around?”
The guy cracked his knuckles. “She’s taking the day off, so you have the blessed occasion of having the number one tutor in the university help you with your history. I swear if you make any cunt-like jokes, I’ll walk. If you smell like alcohol, I’ll walk. If you point out a hot girl and laugh, I’ll walk.”
I held up my hand.
“I get the picture. You like walking.” I slumped into my chair. “Let’s get this over with.”
He shrugged. “Cool, sounds good. My name's Dennis.”
“You look more like a Kevin.”
He flipped open his book. “I get that often. It’s weird.”
“Because you look like a child. A child who got left alone at Christmas.”
“So…” He ignored me. “Chapter twelve.”
“Shit.”
“No, actually, it’s about the chemistry between?—”
I clap a hand over his mouth. “Let me read the chapter, then you speak. Ignore my rules, and I’ll be the one walking after pulling your spleen out of your throat, mmkay?”
His quick nod was all I needed.
I mean at least that was what I told myself when I knew what I really needed was Tru.