Chapter 5 #3
‘No,’ Immy said, firmly. ‘Absolutely not. I don’t care what you did during your marriage, I don’t care if you were bringing home a different woman every night and sleeping with her in your bed—’
‘I never did that. I was faithful to her even though we weren’t together in the true sense of a marriage.’
‘Xander, it doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do, Etta did not deserve to be treated that way. I know we lose our patience sometimes, we snap and say things we don’t mean, but what Brook did was disgusting. How can you possibly take the blame for that?’
‘But—’
‘No buts. None of this was your fault. And no sane person in the world would think that it was. Also, a normal person when they have a row and say some hurtful things would apologise a few hours later or at least the next day when they’ve calmed down.
Did she reach out at any point in the five days before she died to apologise to you or Etta? ’
‘No, I didn’t hear a peep from her. I saw her photos on Instagram of her having a great time. She titled every one with things like, “This is what freedom looks like.” Thankfully, Etta never saw any of them.’
‘God, she was a horrible woman and clearly she felt no remorse or regret for how she behaved. You didn’t drive her to that, this is all her.’
Xander stared at her as if he didn’t dare believe it.
‘I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this with you for so long.
Not only did you have her betrayal to deal with, and the fact that you found out that Etta might not be yours and having to deal with Etta’s abandonment and rejection issues, but you took all the blame on your shoulders.
And what did you really do? You worked long hours to provide for your family and give Brook all the money she wanted for clothes and anything else she wanted.
You gave her an art studio with everything she would need to pursue her hobby.
You worked hard so she would never need to go to work herself.
You paid for a cleaner so she wouldn’t have to do any of that.
You offered to pay for childcare so she could go back to work and, even though you didn’t have an intimate relationship, you were loyal to her to the end. ’
Xander frowned.
‘And what did she do?’ Immy went on. ‘She married you while she was still seeing someone else, she continued to sleep with him in your bed while you were at work, leaving your daughter alone in front of the TV to entertain herself. She didn’t contribute anything financially and, by the sounds of it, she barely did anything to contribute to raising her daughter either.
She didn’t not tell you how she was feeling because you were unapproachable, it was because she had a free ride.
She could sleep with her boyfriend whenever she wanted, in the house you had paid for, she never had to go out to work or do any work around the house, she had all her bills and clothes paid for – why would she ever give that up?
So tell me, what exactly did you do wrong in all of this? ’
He pushed his hand through his hair. ‘The day after I’d found out Brook had died, I spoke to her mum.
She was grieving and angry, understandably.
She said her daughter had never been happy with me, that she’d wasted five years of her life being miserable with me, and that was something that stuck with me.
I always thought I must have been a terrible person to live with, an awful husband.
I blamed myself for everything. But you’re right, no matter my faults, Etta didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I didn’t instigate that.’
‘No, you didn’t. And you deserved better too. From what I can see, you’re a wonderful man and a brilliant father.’
He sighed. ‘I try to be a good dad. When Brook died, I knew I needed to be there for Etta so much more than I had been. I gave up my job and opened up my chocolate shop so I could spend more time with her. I take her to school every morning and pick her up after school most days, although sometimes my brothers step in, but then she comes back to the shop and helps me serve the customers which she loves.’
‘She adores you, anyone can see that.’ Immy took his hand.
‘It’s time to let this go now. You feel guilty because any parent whose child gets hurt, physically or emotionally, feels guilt that they could have done more to stop it.
They question every decision, doubt their parenting skills.
I saw it with Alex and her daughter Zara.
But you have no control over how other people behave or what they say. ’
He nodded. ‘You’re right, I don’t. It wasn’t my fault.’ He let out a heavy breath. ‘It wasn’t my fault.’
She smiled. ‘There you go. So you don’t have to worry about presenting your best side to me because, from what I’ve seen, all your sides are exceptional.’
He smiled cautiously. ‘OK.’
‘Now, I’m going to get changed into one of these lovely dresses you’ve bought me and then we can go down and open the shop together.’
‘Wait, I have something else for you.’ He quickly moved over to the fridge and came back with a small tub and a spoon which he handed to her.
She looked at it and saw it was a tub of pistachio ice cream. She let out a little gasp. ‘How did you know?’
‘You might have mentioned it in your little rant last night.’
‘I love this stuff. Thank you. I normally choose coconut ice cream but the last few weeks the baby clearly wants pistachio. I can’t get enough of it.’ A thought occurred to her. ‘Do you have pistachio chocolate in your shop?’
‘I’ve made it before but it’s not something a lot of people like so I don’t anymore.’
‘Pity. If you had pistachio chocolate, I’d marry you in a heartbeat.’
He laughed. ‘I’ll remember that.’
She took a spoonful and closed her eyes at the sweet and salty taste. ‘This is heaven, thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’
‘You need to taste it,’ she said, offering out a spoonful.
He leaned over and sucked it off the spoon, his eyes on hers while he did it.
For some reason that sent a punch of desire straight to her stomach.
She quickly looked away. Sex was off the table.
They were going to do this properly, take their time, get to know each other, not jump straight back into bed with each other.
So what if he was the best sex she’d ever had, and it had been three long months since he last made her scream with pleasure?
She wasn’t going to rush anything. She just needed to keep reminding herself of that.