Chapter 10 #2
‘And that’s OK. We’re not all going to like the same thing.
But the point is no matter how much we want to like something, or how much we want something to work, sometimes it just doesn’t happen.
We are going to try really hard to make this work, but if it doesn’t, if we’re not happy together, that’s OK.
Immy and I will still be good friends and she will be over here with the baby all the time so you’ll still get to play with your brother or sister every day. ’
‘OK,’ Etta said.
‘Do you have any other questions?’ Immy asked.
Etta chewed her lip for a moment as she thought. ‘Can I name the baby?’
Xander suppressed a smile. ‘You can definitely come up with ideas but it would be nice if we came up with a name we all liked.’ He glanced at Immy to see if that was OK and she nodded.
‘How about Merida?’ Etta said, naming the main character from Brave.
‘Merida is nice for a girl,’ Xander said. ‘The baby might be a boy. We should all come up with a big list of all our favourite boy and girl names and then we can compare our lists. We have six months before the baby comes so we have lots of time to make up our minds.’
‘I’m going to write my list now,’ Etta said. She scrambled off the sofa and ran upstairs.
Xander let out a breath. ‘Well, I wasn’t expecting those kinds of questions. I’m sorry she asked if the baby was really mine.’
‘No, don’t be. She’s bound to compare the baby to herself.
She’s thinking that she might not have been created by your seed so maybe the baby might not be either.
It’s still so confusing for her that she might or might not be yours.
She doesn’t understand sex or affairs. She doesn’t understand how she was yours and now she might not be.
All she understands is that a year and half ago she had a mummy and daddy and now she might have lost both and that’s so much for her to take in. ’
‘She hasn’t lost me, she never will.’
‘I know that but she is still trying to come to terms with how to define your relationship. In her heart she knows you love her and that will never change but I think she’s still struggling with the dad-not-dad thing.’
He sighed. ‘I didn’t want to get a paternity test, at least not yet.
Because I figured she wasn’t ready to hear a definitive result and because, while she doesn’t know, she can still believe I’m really her dad or at least hope for it.
If we have a test and it’s negative then all hope is gone and nothing will ever bring that back. ’
‘No, I agree. I think you’re doing the right thing, she’s too young to fully understand it, and her heart is still healing from the repercussions her mum left behind.
And while you’ve never given Etta any reason to doubt you, her mum did.
She left, so in her mind you might too. And I worry that the baby might make her feel more vulnerable. ’
‘I don’t want her to feel pushed out,’ Xander said.
‘No, I don’t want that either, that’s the last thing I want.
And I don’t know if our relationship is going to make her feel more secure or less.
It’s a big change for her, she’s had you all to herself over the last year and a half and now she has to share you with me and eventually a baby. She might not like it.’
‘Although if things go well with us and we move in together, get married, that might make her feel more secure as we’d be a proper family,’ he said.
‘It might. It might not. I don’t know what the answer is.’
He shook his head angrily. ‘I hate what Brook did to her. I wish more than anything that she had just left. But she broke Etta and she damaged our relationship with each other and there is nothing I can do to take that back. I can ply her with love and affection but there will always be a tiny part of her that will doubt me.’
‘Not always. In time she will know she can trust you, I just think it will take some time to get past this.’
He nodded sadly.
‘And I’m sorry if our baby makes it harder for the two of you.
I never wanted this. I mean, I’ve always wanted a family and there is no way in hell I’d ever give this baby up but I never meant to bring you so much stress and worry.
’ She swallowed a lump in her throat. ‘I stand by what I originally said. I can raise this baby alone and you can have as much or as little as you want to do with him or her.’
Tears pricked her eyes at the thought of walking away from him. She’d had a taste of what a life with him would look like and she wanted that future more than anything. But she didn’t want to hurt Etta or do anything to make her relationship with her dad even more strained.
‘Absolutely not. I’m happy you’re pregnant – no, I’m delighted.
And partly because I’m so excited about being a dad again but mainly because it brought us back together.
I was an idiot for pushing you away but now I have you back, I never want to let you go.
I want this to work more than anything. And let’s not forget there are hundreds or thousands of parents with children who have another baby that the older child isn’t happy about.
Etta’s is more of a unique case but we just have to do the best we can to make her comfortable and happy with it. ’
‘OK,’ Immy said, in relief.
‘I’ve thought of a boy’s name,’ Etta yelled downstairs. ‘Potato!’
Xander snorted. ‘That’s the name of her goldfish.’
Immy laughed. ‘I love your daughter but I’m not calling our son Potato.’
‘It could be a middle name,’ Xander teased.
‘Not going to happen.’
‘A second middle name.’
She shook her head.
He stood up and offered out a hand. ‘Why don’t we go and help her with that list.’
Immy smiled and took his hand and followed him upstairs.
Immy chewed her lip nervously as Xander dialled Quinn’s number. She had no idea what Alex’s number was, it was saved in her phone and that was still sitting in her flat. She was sitting in Xander’s bedroom while Etta got all the ingredients ready to make some cakes in the kitchen.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?’ Xander said.
‘No, I think it’s best if I tell her alone. Go and help Etta with her fairy cakes.’
Xander nodded.
Quinn answered the phone.
‘Hey Quinn, is Alex with you?’ Xander said. ‘Immy would like a word.’
Quinn must have said yes because Xander handed the phone to Immy, kissed her on the cheek and left the room. Immy sat down on the bed and waited for her sister to come on the line.
‘Immy, are you OK?’ Alex said.
‘Yes and no. Look, I don’t want to worry you and I don’t want you to cut your holiday short, but I just wanted you to hear it from me, as quite a few people are finding out and I didn’t want it to come to you on the grapevine.’
‘Immy, what is it? You’re getting me worried.’
Immy let out a sigh. ‘So first of all there was a fire in my shop late Friday night.’
‘Oh my god.’
‘It’s OK. I’m OK, Xander got me and Jacob out before it spread.
He literally broke down the door and practically carried us both out.
I was checked out at the hospital and I’m fine.
The shop is destroyed and they are saying I can’t return to the flat or shop until a building inspector comes out to see if there is any structural damage.
So I’m staying at Xander’s for a few days. ’
‘Oh god. Immy, no, I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s OK, I mean, it’s not but the fire brigade put the fire out very quickly so hopefully the damage won’t be too much.’
‘OK. But why are you staying at Xander’s? You could stay at mine.’
‘Your spare key is in my flat so I can’t get it, but it’s OK.’
‘No it’s not, you don’t even like the man.’
‘Well that brings me on to my second point. We’re… giving it a go.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘We’re trying to have a proper relationship. We did a lot of talking on Friday after he saved me. He pushed me away before but it was purely to protect his daughter. I can’t really get into that as it’s not my story to tell but now we’ve decided to date and see how things go.’
‘Right,’ Alex said, slowly, sounding completely unsure about this new revelation. Not surprising really since she knew how much Xander had hurt Immy every time he had pushed her away in the past. She must think her sister was a glutton for punishment.
Immy let out another sigh. There really was no easy way to say this, so she would just rip off the plaster and go for it.
‘Alex, I’m pregnant. Three months.’
There was silence from Alex and then she made some inarticulate sounds.
‘I’m obviously keeping the baby.’
‘Immy,’ she heard her sister’s voice soften. ‘I’m really happy for you, you’ll make an amazing mum. But you don’t need to be in a relationship with Xander just because you’re pregnant. You’re strong, brave and resilient and me and Quinn will help you in every way we can.’
‘I’ve already told Xander that I’m happy to raise this baby alone and I don’t need anything from him.
He knows he can have as little or as much involvement in the baby’s life as he wants.
But I’m not dating him because I’m pregnant.
We both care deeply about one another and we want this to work.
He was scared to get involved in a relationship because…
well, I can’t say too much about what happened but his wife was horrible to Etta.
Xander was scared to let anyone get close to her for fear of her getting hurt again.
So he built a wall around him and refused to let anyone in.
But now he wants to try and so do I, because despite what happened at Christmas, I never stopped caring for him.
He has been sweet, loving and caring ever since Friday.
I know it’s very early days for us and it might not work between us, but whatever happens I think we’ll remain good friends and co-parent together.
But I’m excited about this, we get on really well, so we’re going to give it our best shot. ’
There was silence from Alex for a moment. ‘I want to be happy for you, I really do, I just… I don’t trust him not to hurt you.’
‘Everyone deserves a second chance, right?’
‘I think this is his fourth or fifth chance.’
‘Look, you don’t have to like it, but I would ask that you respect my decision. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t feel that it was right. You’re going to have to trust me.’
‘I trust you. It’s him I don’t trust.’
‘Alex.’
‘OK, OK, I’m sorry. If he makes you happy then go for it. But you tell him if he hurts you, he’ll have me to answer to.’
Immy sighed. ‘I’ll be sure to pass that on. Are you having a nice holiday?’
‘Yes, it’s been lovely, very relaxing. Is there anything you need help with in regards to the shop?’
‘Not right now, I’m not sure when we can even get back in there to start cleaning up.’
‘Well, we’ll be back on Wednesday. We’ll come over and see you then.’
‘OK.’
There was an awkward silence then and Immy hated it. She didn’t want to be cross with her sister.
‘I love you,’ Alex said, quietly.
Immy smiled. ‘I know, I love you too. I’ll see you Wednesday.’
They said their goodbyes and Immy hung up. She let out a sigh and got up to go into the kitchen. Why did it feel like everyone was against them?
Xander looked up from the big mixing bowl as she walked in. Etta was concentrating on measuring out the ingredients. He wrapped an arm round Immy and kissed her forehead.
‘How did it go?’ Xander said quietly.
‘Not well, she doesn’t approve.’
‘Of the baby?’
‘Of you.’
‘Oh well, I’m used to that. She’s just being protective, I understand that. And we didn’t exactly have the best start to our relationship. That was my fault. I’ll just have to work extra hard to prove that I’m worth the effort.’
She leaned up to kiss him. ‘I already think that. And I don’t need anyone else’s approval. She’ll come around when she sees how happy I am.’
‘Fairy cakes make me happy,’ Etta said.
Immy laughed. ‘They make me happy too.’