The Christmas Bachelor (Holiday Holm #2)

Chapter 1

Ihate Christmas.

I was so tired. I could have gone to sleep for the whole month, woken up in the new year, and it still wouldn’t have been enough.

But I couldn’t do that, could I? I had bills to pay, a child to support, and we both quite liked food.

Plus Christmas was just around the corner, and I needed to buy all the gifts.

Which brings me back to my original point.

I hate Christmas.

I hate this time of year.

Although was there a time of the year I didn’t hate? Every month without her had been a drag. I sighed as I drove around the town that had seemingly turned into Winter Wonderland overnight.

She would have loved this. The fairy lights that made the streets into colorful dreams, the wreaths hanging from every streetlight, the forest green garlands, and red bows on every column.

And we weren’t even at the height of Christmas yet.

I was sure in another week or two, there would be twice as many decorations everywhere.

Another Christmas without you.

Another year our family would be incomplete, and nothing or no one could change that. Another year I’d have to pretend I was happy just so I didn’t ruin another holiday for my daughter. Not that I ever succeeded.

Why couldn’t it be me?

Oh, how many times the thought had crossed my mind. Sandra would have coped without me. She’d have gotten the job done. She’d have been an incredible mother and given Ella her everything.

It was a good thing Enzo couldn’t see inside my head, or he’d give me a good talking to. I could hear him telling me off. Telling me I was being stupid.

“You need to stop thinking like that and be there for your daughter. You can’t change the past, Cole. No one can.”

I knew that. God, did I know that.

It didn’t mean I’d accepted it. I didn’t think I ever would. I just had to learn to live with it. To live without her.

I brought the car to a stop on the driveway and tightened the scarf around my neck before I got out and walked up to the house.

As expected, Carson and Enzo were all holed up in their bedroom, either sleeping or doing all kinds of unspeakable things to each other, but Mom and Dad were up, walking in and out of the living room in a rush while Honeybee tailed after them, making a game out of chasing them.

“No, Colin. You don’t need another suit. How many formal dinners do you think we’ll go to?” Mom’s voice trailed off as she retreated to the bedroom, and Dad huffed, following her.

I stood by the stairs and stared after them, wondering what I’d missed. Was there an event I’d forgotten about? Or was it someone’s birthday?

I tried to recall everyone’s birthday in my head, despite having them all stored on my phone, but I couldn’t find anything of relevance.

“Well, I need dresses, don’t I? Do you expect me to walk around naked?” Mom said and walked back in.

“So you can take all the dresses, but I can’t take a couple of suits? That’s a double standard, that is.” Dad also came back into the room and came to a stop behind Mom, both pausing to look at me as if they'd been caught red-handed.

“Cole! You’re back!” Mom said.

I grimaced.

“I’m sorry. Should I have stayed at work? Am I inconveniencing you by coming back to my home?” I raised an eyebrow, but they didn’t bite my sarcasm. “What’s going on?”

Dad cleared his throat as if bracing himself, but Mom cut in before he could utter a word.

“We’re going on a cruise.”

I gasped.

“What? What are you talking about? I thought you were staying here for Christmas. I thought you were house hunting.”

Mom shrugged. Dad opened his mouth, then promptly closed it when he couldn’t find anything to say.

“So?” I insisted. I wasn’t letting them go until they explained themselves.

“Well, house hunting can wait, honey,” Mom said.

“So you’re abandoning me. Again. It’s not even done being Thanksgiving yet—”

“Thanksgiving is over, honey.”

I ignored her.

“And you’re rushing away. Again. Like thieves in the night.”

Mom tried to convince me they weren’t but I couldn’t even look at her. I couldn’t look at anything. All I could see was red. Red and despair.

“I can’t believe you. Were you not going to tell me?

Were you going to leave a note with your granddaughter or attach it to the dog’s collar?

” I pointed to the innocent, red pit bull Carson had adopted last year that had become part of the family, and Honeybee cocked her head as if apologizing for my shitty parents.

“Don’t be silly, Cole, honey. Of course we were going to tell you,” Mom said.

“Oh yeah? When?”

“Now?” Dad grimaced a smile as if his guilt could make up for them jetting off across the world again.

“I swear, it’s like you’re in a cult. Or addicts.” I huffed and walked to the nearest couch to collapse on it.

What was I going to do? How was I going to manage without them? I was stretched thin as it was.

“Oh, shut up, Cole,” Dad said. “There’s nothing cultish about cruises.”

“Well.” Mom squinted and pressed her lips together.

Dad chuckled as if it was some sort of inside joke only serial-cruisers would get but cleared his throat when he saw my terribly unamused face.

“Still. You know we hate the cold. We just wanted to go somewhere nice and hot, and then when we’re back, we’ll get out of your way.”

I huffed again.

As if I wanted them out of the house. It was their insistence—and to an extent, Carson’s—that this house wasn’t big enough for all of us. But I still wanted them here. I still needed them here, as selfish as that sounded.

“So you’re leaving me high and dry because you’d rather be sweating buckets than helping your son. Wow. Thank you. Parents of the year award coming right up.”

“Hey!” Dad whined but Mom patted his chest before she approached me and sat beside me on the couch.

“That’s not very fair, and you know it. We’ve given you boys our everything. We’ve worked hard for years. Can you blame us for wanting to enjoy our twilight years?”

I knew she was right. They’d worked all their lives to provide everything for us.

They’d aged well beyond their years running the Grill before Carson took over.

And even so, they hadn’t missed an important moment in either of their children’s lives.

Graduations, school plays, births, and deaths. They really were parents of the year.

“Yes. Yes, I can,” I said.

I knew I was just being a dick, but… I didn’t care.

Mom raised her eyebrows, and I pouted.

“How am I going to cope? Who’s going to watch Ella when I’m working? You know I can’t afford childcare.”

Mom’s eyebrows almost reached her forehead, and she squeezed my hand.

“That’s some bull-sushi and you know it.”

It might have been a year since the curse-word had been coined but it still made me flinch when anyone used it without Ella around.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Mom sighed.

“It means you’re a partner in a very successful restaurant, and you make a healthy supplementary income at the fire department. You can afford childcare.”

“Oh, great. So I should abandon your granddaughter to complete strangers because we’re ‘rich’.”

I knew I was guilt-tripping her, but it was my last resort. Although, I knew my parents. I knew once they’d made up their minds, there was very little anyone could do or say.

Mom slapped my arm and frowned.

“First of all, we’re not rich. We’re… comfortable. And you’re being purposefully obtuse.”

I squinted.

“Stop using words you don’t know,” I told her, and she smacked me again.

“Just because you don’t know what it means…” she grumbled. “All I’m trying to say is… I’ve told you a hundred times before. You don’t need to work yourself to the ground. You do it because you’re grieving, and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You need to get yourself out of this rut.

“You need to spend some time with your daughter. She barely sees her dad. You need to be careful, honey. Because one day she’ll be an adult, and you won’t know how that happened or how to make up for lost time.

Don’t see this as an inconvenience. See it as an opportunity to make this Christmas the best one yet. For Ella.”

I shook my head. Not because I didn’t agree, but because she was right, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit.

“Fine,” I said. “Go off into the hot islands and get yourself all crispy and red. See if I care.”

Mom chuckled and fell back on the couch with an excited sigh.

“Crispy and red sounds just about perfect right now.”

I ignored her and made my way to my bedroom. Ella was fast asleep in her cot, looking like the perfect little angel she was.

As if she were three already!

I ran my hand through her hair and took a deep breath.

“Don’t worry, baby girl. We’ll be fine, just the two of us. I promise.”

Somehow, I’d make it work.

I had to. I had to be the dad she deserved even if I didn’t know how. I had to figure it out.

For her.