Chapter 12 Samir
Iweaved through myriads of people, mostly tourists stopping every few seconds to look or point at something new and exciting, and got to the Crown at eight on the dot.
The place was heaving, but I didn’t know what else I expected at the busiest time of the year. Hopefully with Elliot there would be enough hands on deck at the bookstore this season, and I wouldn’t need to find more last-minute help.
“You have a reservation?” a middle-aged blonde woman chewing gum asked me from behind the bar.
“Um… I think so,” I answered and looked to the left of the bar where all the diners were sitting, though I couldn’t spot the young man I was meeting.
My breath caught in my chest without warning, and I had to let out a long exhale to compose myself. Not that it helped any with the knot in my stomach that had followed me here all the way from home.
The woman kept staring at me as if she expected a better answer from me, and I decided to walk back out and get some fresh air before I collapsed from the unwarranted pressure.
Just as I pulled my phone out to message Cole, someone came to stand next to me, getting in my personal space for no apparent reason.
“Do you min—” I started but when I looked up, I found a pair of beautiful gray eyes staring back at me.
“Sorry,” he said, taking a step back as if he’d committed a crime, when in truth, him putting distance between us was the actual crime.
“Oh no. I didn’t—sorry, I didn’t see you. I was about to text you,” I told him and leaned in but realized midway that a kiss—even on the cheek—was way too familiar for strangers.
I offered him my hand instead when I noticed he’d also leaned in.
“Nice to see you again,” he said all formally when he grabbed and shook my hand. “I’m sorry I’m late. Were you waiting long?”
I checked my watch then raised an eyebrow.
“You aren’t late, and I just got here,” I told him. “I wasn’t sure if you’d made a reservation or not though.”
Cole smiled and brought his free hand up to scratch the back of his head, which made him look adorable.
Wait, was he nervous?
And am I still holding his hand?
I pulled back, mumbling an apology, and pointed inside.
“Should we?”
He nodded and opened the door for me, which felt all kinds of wrong considering our age difference, and I walked in.
The blonde woman looked at me again with narrowed eyes as if she expected a proper answer this time or else. Her colleague also turned to us. As did a few other patrons. Was everyone staring at us or was I imagining things?
Agh, Samir. What are you doing?
Of course people were staring. What was a forty-one-year-old doing out with a man half his age? I bet we looked like the oddest pair. And I probably looked like a creep. How had I not thought how weird this would be until now?
“What’s it gonna be then?” the blonde asked, and I opened my mouth but no sound came out.
Could I be more pathetic?
“I’ve got a reservation under Williams.” Cole stepped in front of me and approached the blonde woman.
She studied him for a second before her eyes lit up, and she smirked.
“I know you. You work at the Grill on Main Street, don’t you?”
He pressed his lips together and nodded, then she took us to our table in the back of the restaurant.
The decor was sparse. If the outside wasn’t so festive, you’d have hardly realized it was Christmas season. There were no trees, no mistletoes, no garlands. Just a few cardboard Santas glued to the wall and a string of fairy lights around a couple of wooden beams.
Cole took a seat, and I followed suit as the blonde woman handed us a large menu and left without even taking our drinks order.
I took my coat off, and when I sat back down, I found Cole staring at the direction of the woman.
“You know her?” I asked.
“God no,” he puffed. “I’m just…”
He stopped and looked around him before he pursed his lips and frowned.
“What? What is it?”
“Nah. Nothing.” He shook his head.
I put my head on my hands and raised an eyebrow.
“Come on. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
He considered my question for a moment, then he let out a sigh and leaned on the table.
“Fine. I picked this place because we don’t really come here unless it’s for a drink or something. I thought not knowing the people here might make this”—he pointed between us two—“go smoother. But now I see why my parents are always bad-mouthing this place.”
He stopped, stared, then sat back in his chair and grimaced.
“Sorry. That was bitchy of me. I mean we’ve not even tried the food yet.”
I chuckled.
“Well, you do work in the business, so I’m sure you can pick on a lot more things a lot faster. No judgment from me.”
Cole licked his lip and smiled.
“Yeah. I guess. I mean even the decoration is bad. Those Santa heads are creepy.” He pointed at the cardboard Santa glued to the wall in uneven intervals, and I laughed.
“Yeah. My store is more festive, and I’m not even Christian,” I said.
“Your place is lovely,” Cole said.
Before I could thank him, a girl stopped by the table to take our drinks order, and Cole found the opportunity to take his coat off too.
He was wearing a dark green sweater that, despite its thickness, somehow hugged every muscle and curvature on his upper body and arms. A knot formed in my throat again, but it was from nervousness.
It was from resisting to imagine just how sculpted he truly was under that top.
It was hard to stop looking, but when he sat back down and turned to look at me, I managed to stop.
Stop being a creep, Samir.
I cleared my throat and noticed a round green necklace in a gold chain around his neck.
“That’s pretty,” I said and immediately regretted it.
Great work, Samir. I’m sure a big muscular guy wants to be called pretty.
“Thanks. Lilian gave it to me. Enzo’s mom.”
“Oh, that’s right. The kitchen witch of Mayberry Holm,” I said.
“The one and only.”
“She makes great cake; I have to admit. Though she keeps trying to sell me courage carrot cake, and I’m not sure how to feel about that.”
“You don’t like courage?” Cole chuckled.
“I don’t like carrot cake,” I responded in kind.
“Yeah, Lilian can go overboard sometimes. She thinks she knows what people need and won’t take no for an answer.”
I narrowed my eyes and leaned in closer as if I was about to discuss a big, dark secret.
“Do you really believe she’s… magical?”
Cole laughed.
“Hell no. But then again, Enzo swears her love cake is what got him my brother, so who knows?”
The waitress returned with our drinks and asked us if we were ready to order, so we took her cue to start looking at the menu.
The paper was creased with grease spots in the corners, but the problem was that the contents didn’t look any more appetizing.
“Hm. I think I’ll go for a burger,” Cole said and turned to me.
I didn’t necessarily want to get anything from here, but I also didn’t want to be rude to Cole on our first date, so I asked for an avocado salad.
“Could I have it without the cheese dressing? Just some vinaigrette or olive oil?”
The waitress nodded and walked away.
“Are you vegetarian? I’m sorry. I should have asked. Gosh. I’m so bad at this.” He slapped his forehead and groaned.
“It’s okay,” I said.
“It’s not though. Gosh, I’m so rusty but still. This is unacceptable.”
“Don’t worry,” I said and reached for his hand. “I’m not vegetarian. I’m just… They don’t use halal products here.”
The contact tingled my fingers and gave my arms goosebumps that rendered me speechless for a moment. Until I pulled back and tried to not show how much such a simple thing had affected me.
“Oh no! You should have said. I should have asked. God, I’m such a terrible date. Do you want me to cancel the order? We can go somewhere else?”
His smile was completely gone, replaced by a sad frown, and I felt a pinch of guilt in my chest.
“It’s fine. Really.”
“But this place is horrible,” he said.
“It’s the company that matters, right?” I shrugged.
It took him a few moments, but he finally accepted defeat and sat back in his chair.
“To a shitty first date.” He raised his glass of beer, and I clinked my soda glass with his.
“And to eleven crappier ones to come,” I said.
Cole laughed.
“They will be, if you let me plan them.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
He looked around then stared at me. “Really?”
“You said you were out of practice?”
Cole took a big gulp of his beer as if needing liquid courage before he put it down and nodded.
“Yeah. It’s been a few years since I’ve dated.”
I bit my lip and ran my finger over the rim of the glass, trying to resist the next question, but I couldn’t help it.
“Wh-what about Ella’s other parent?”
“Sandra. She… she died in labor.” Cole stared at his beer.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” I buried my face in my hands to hide my shame, but when I recovered, Cole was looking at me.
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault she’s dead.”
“I know, but still…”
“It’s fine. I promise. But that’s why I’m rusty. I haven’t dated for, like, four years.”
I huffed. “Still better than me.”
“What do you mean?” He cocked his head.
I bit my lower lip and avoided his gaze when I said, “I’ve never been on a date.”
“You haven’t? H-how is that possible?”
“Well… I avoided marriage for as long as I could, and then when I married Zainab, we didn’t really need to do the dating thing. We just got married.”
“You’re married.” Cole sat back, blinking fast.
“Was. We split up about two years ago,” I said. “Zay met Alina and fell in love. She didn’t want to suppress herself anymore, so she came out to me and asked me for a divorce.”
“Wow!” Cole blew out. “That must have been hard.”
“Not really, no. I’ve been suppressing my homosexuality all my life too. So, in a way, it was the excuse I needed to live my life too. Only I’ve been a coward, so I’ve done nothing with it. Just read queer fiction and dream of a happily ever after.”
Cole leaned forward and studied me.