Chapter 25 Cole
My fingers kept hovering over Samir’s message all day every time I picked up my phone during work. I still hadn’t replied, but in my head, I excused myself because I’d been at work.
The truth was though, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say—or type.
It was too soon, wasn’t it? To be running off into the sunset with him somewhere else. I had a kid and a job to think about. I had responsibilities here on the island. I couldn’t just abandon everything on a moment’s notice.
But would he take me saying no as rejection? Would he think less of me if I said no? I knew his message said it was okay to turn the proposal down, but people said that all the time. It didn’t mean they meant it.
As I drove home, I wished… well, I wished a lot of things, but one of them kept circling in my mind, and I hated it because it sounded wrong.
It sounded vile even in my head but if only I could be just Cole, just for a moment, if I could simply be Cole—no kids, no jobs, no grief—so that I could go with Samir wherever he wanted, wherever fate took us…
But that wasn’t possible. Even Lilian’s magic couldn’t do that shit, so what was even the point of courting with the idea?
I sighed, pulled over in front of the house, and snuck in, but found Carson in the kitchen inhaling a bowl of something that, upon closer inspection, turned out to be cookie dough.
“Still up?” I said in lieu of a greeting.
“Just finished work,” he replied with a full mouth.
“Oh my God.” I winced. “Close your mouth. And stop eating raw dough. You’ll get sick.”
Carson shrugged and muttered “worth it” before shoving another mouthful in his mouth.
“Fine. But I’m not holding your hair when you puke your guts out,” I said, and he rolled his eyes.
“It doesn’t even have eggs. So I doubt you’ll have to,” he said, flicking his nonexistent long hair with nonchalance and superiority.
I looked from the bowl to him and back to the bowl, and without needing to say anything, he passed the bowl over to me along with the wooden spoon he’d been licking, and I had a taste myself.
“Fuuuck!” I moaned.
“Right?” Carson asked.
I took a deep breath and another mouthful before I moaned again.
“This is better than sex,” I groaned.
Carson raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
“You need to get laid, little brother.”
I ignored his comment and savored the cookie dough that warmed my mouth, my throat, and my belly all at once. It was a vanilla-y and chocolate-y flavor after the initial burst of cinnamon, and I couldn’t help myself to another spoonful.
“Where the heck did this come from?” I asked.
“Remi,” Carson said. He was the new chef at the Grill since he, his brother Azrael, and their family settled on the island earlier this year. “He wanted to make a dessert for both vegans and non-vegans so it’s less work in the kitchen.”
“That’s a winner. Though cookies aren't much of a dessert.”
Carson snatched the bowl back from me and flicked the spoon in the air with flair, saying, “He’s deconstructing it.”
“Ah, that changes things,” I said.
We both chuckled.
“How was Ella today?”
Carson nodded.
“Enzo said she was fine. She kept asking for Samir.”
I gasped.
“Oh wow. How quickly I have been replaced.”
Carson smirked.
“Oh, shut up. Your daughter liking your boyfriend is a good thing.”
“Samir isn’t my boyfriend,” I said.
“Your date then,” he mumbled.
I huffed.
“Maybe not even that after today.”
Carson grimaced.
“What do you mean? What happened?”
Instead of telling him, I showed him.
“Okay. I don’t get it,” he said, trying to hand my phone back, but I grabbed the bowl instead.
“What do you not get? He wants to go away with me—”
“I mean, it’s a little last minute—”
“A lot last minute.”
“Okay, then tell him you can’t,” Carson said.
“And then he won’t ever speak to me again.”
“Why?”
I shrugged.
“Because. You know how these things go.”
Carson didn’t say anything, just stared at me for a moment before getting up to grab some water and offering me some.
The dough was great but far too sweet after a few indulgent licks.
“Wait a minute. Do you want to go?”
“I can’t,” I mumbled.
“That’s not what I asked.”
I sighed and set the bowl down. Carson snatched it and put it in the sink, and before I could complain, filled it with water from the tap.
“Cruel!” I said.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“Ah, yeah. That,” I sighed. “Can’t go. I’m working on Saturday. And what about Ella—”
“Cole!” Carson grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “Do you want to go?”
I shrugged again.
“Yeah. Maybe. If I didn’t have… everything.”
“Then you have to go.”
I glared at my brother, but he didn’t back down.
“Stop that. I’m sure you can ask one of your buddies to take your shift or ask your captain for the day off, and Enzo, Lilian, and I can help look after Ella. Why not?”
I bit my lip.
“What kind of dad abandons his kid at Christmas?” I said.
Carson rolled his eyes.
“Firstly, it’s not Christmas yet. Secondly, it’s only two days—one night—and thirdly, you gotta go. You’ve spent God knows how long with your head buried in the sand after Sandra’s death, and rightfully so, but Cole, I haven’t seen you this… alive in a very long time.”
I sighed.
I knew he had a point. I knew it. But it still didn’t feel right.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“Hang on. You… you do like Samir, right?”
I pressed my lips together and looked down at the kitchen counter instead of him.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “I didn’t expect to even like dating again, but… there’s something about him.”
“Okay. Then you have to do it. No, let me correct that. You need to do it. You need to do this for yourself first and foremost.”
“I thought that’s what I’ve been doing all this time. Ditching the Grill, going out with Samir, spending more time with Ella.”
He nodded.
“You have. And that’s just another thing you need to do. Go out there. See the world a little—”
“I’ve seen the world.”
“The world is a lot more than Mayberry Holm, Cole.”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“So you’re going to do it, yeah?”
I took a deep breath and reached for my phone.
“I guess,” I said and typed up a response to Samir.
“Fuck yeah. My brother’s going to get laid. Halle-fucking-lujah.”
I stopped and stared at Carson.
“What? Don’t look at me like that. I know you haven’t done it yet.”
I let out a long breath and banged my forehead to the counter.
“Does everyone know the ins and outs of my sex life?”
“Just your family; the people you love.”
“Oh, dear fucking God,” I groaned. “That’s even worse.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that, about everyone being so involved in my dating and sex life, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to myself my heart beat a lot faster at the prospect of going away with Samir for a night.
And something else pulsed for what felt like the first time in forever at the prospect of what might happen during that night away.