Chapter 27 Cole
My brother was right.
Being away from Mayberry Holm was… It was refreshing. I hated to admit it, I didn’t like pondering over it too much for fear of it making me a terrible father, but having a moment of peace for myself, with Samir? It was exactly what I needed.
I never realized how bogged down I was back home, but not just by responsibilities.
By people too. Somehow, at some point, I started caring about other people; what they thought of me, of my daughter, of my mourning.
It had become so internalized I hadn’t even realized I was doing it.
But now, being here in Boston where no one knew me, no one cared about me but Samir, it was clear as day.
Even our kisses felt different. Hell, just holding hands felt… intoxicating.
How the hell had I not noticed that before? How much baggage I’d been carrying. How many people’s expectations I’d absorbed and made my own.
“Oh, that’s so pretty.” I pointed to the skyline up ahead, and even that simple sentence sounded different coming out of my mouth.
More innocent. More effeminate. More something. More me, I guess.
“It is.” Samir smiled and hugged me closer.
I’d never denied my bisexuality or hidden it from anyone, but at some point after Sandra’s loss, I must have pushed any sort of emotion deep inside me, along with all desire.
But it was all starting to rise to the surface, and while it should have felt scary, it was liberating.
“We should have dinner somewhere. I feel like dinner,” I said.
“Ever had Korean barbecue?” Samir asked.
“No!” I said, and I lit up at the suggestion. “I mean I’ve tried Hwan’s and his grandma’s dishes, but I’ve never had a full-blown barbecue.”
“Right. Let’s go then. Time’s a-wasting.”
I stopped him and pulled him back to me.
“How do you even know where we’re going?”
Samir raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“Did you think I wasn’t going to research everything we can do in town?”
I took a deep breath and chewed on the inside of my lip, feeling lighter than I’d felt in years, and it was all because someone else was taking the lead.
It was bizarre. I’d never had that before. I’d only ever dated Sandra, and even with the few people I’d hooked up before her, I’d been a top—not that being a top was inherently more masculine or leading role, but still.
This was different. This was new for me. And I liked it.
“Of course you did,” I answered and gave him a kiss before we hailed a cab and made our way to the Korean restaurant.
Another mind-blowing experience that left me feeling full and sated. Samir felt the same, so we opted to walk back to our hotel to walk off the heaviness.
The sun had fully set by that point, and we walked arm in arm trying to keep each other warm until we got to our destination. We took several minutes to warm up under the radiator blowing hot air over the hotel’s sliding doors.
“I had a great time,” I said when we were inside the elevator. “Thank you for inviting me.”
Samir brought his hand up to my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb, causing goosebumps to light up all over my body.
“Thank you for coming with me,” he whispered, and my breath caught in my throat.
He leaned over me, and I braced myself for a kiss when the doors slid open with a ding, and an elderly couple stared as they entered the elevator and we came out.
“Mmm. Saucy,” whispered the lady before her husband shushed her.
As soon as the doors closed again and swallowed the couple back down to the ground floor, a warm and fuzzy feeling pulsed in my stomach, and I burst out laughing.
“What?” Samir asked, smiling.
“Did you not hear?” I asked, and he shook his head. “Never mind.”
Samir studied for a moment longer, then nodded and walked to his door.
“This is me.” He stopped a foot from his door and rubbed his hands along his jeans, as if unsure what to do with them.
“This is you,” I repeated and stood between him and his door.
He fumbled with his key card and bit his lip.
“G-good night,” he mumbled and leaned in.
The faintest touch of our lips made my body freeze on impact and my heart to beat faster. A tingling sensation overwhelmed my entire body from my fingertips to my toes, then to my… my cock.
That… that’s also new.
He started to pull away from the kiss, but I couldn’t stand the thought. Not when he made me feel so alive, so good, so happy.
I grabbed him by the back of the neck first and dragged him back to my mouth, then I slid my hand down to his chest and grabbed him by the lapel of his coat, pinning him to me.
I prodded his mouth with my tongue, and he parted to let me in. A soft moan escaped me. I took a step back, my back colliding with his hotel room door. The more I kissed him, the faster my heart beat, the fuller I felt, and the harder I became.
The tingle between my legs turned into heat. Heat and desire, which left me breathless. Desperate. Needy.
I slid both hands down his body and wrapped them around his waist, pinning him to me, and he let out a groan that made me tremble to my core, yet he never let go.
He explored my body with his fingers, starting from the face then down to my neck.
He pulled the zipper of my coat down and buried his hands underneath, around my shoulder blades, and down my waist.
He pulled back for a moment and hesitated for only a second, in which he looked into my eyes, asking for a silent permission.
I gave him a faint nod. With a guttural moan that only made my cock pulse, he pushed his hands down and around my ass, squeezing it hard, massaging it in his hands, and I pressed against him.
He was rock hard too, and I ground our dicks together.
It might not be much, but for the guy who hadn’t touched anyone or been touched by anyone—even himself—for four years or so, this was… it was as exhilarating as full-blown sex.
My eyes rolled back despite the multiple layers separating us. But I wanted more. I needed more.
“Do you wanna…” I mumbled only barely allowing our lips to separate.
Samir let out a long, slow groan that gave my answer, so with all the strength I could muster, I pulled away long enough for him to unlock the door and let us in.
We walked in kissing and shedding our clothes as if they were nothing more than an illusion, and by the time the back of my knees hit the bed, we were only wearing our underwear and nothing else.
“I want you, Samir,” I said. “I want you so badly.”
I caressed his hairy chest, and my desire only grew bigger. I wanted this man like I needed my next breath. Here. Now. Right now.
Samir grabbed me by the chin and gave me a ghost of a kiss, and he nodded.
“I’ve wanted you since the first day I met you.”
My throat tightened, and I tried to swallow the knot that had formed there but it was immediately replaced by another. My cock throbbed. My heart was racing.
Was I about to have sex for the first time in forever?
“What are you waiting for?” I whispered. “Take me.”
I put my hand to his abdomen, slid my fingers under the elastic of his briefs, and pulled him closer to me. Half his cock popped out. I licked my lips and put my other hand behind me to ease the fall and pulled him down with me. On top of me.
He kissed me. He kissed me deeply and passionately.
Like a thirsty man who’d been denied a sip of water all his life.
He didn’t stop kissing me for a second. Only when I found the strength to wrap my hand around his cock did he take pause, and his gaze flickered.
He moaned and looked down, watched as I stroked and teased him.
He was large. And thick. Then again, I hadn’t been with a man in forever so any cock would have been large and thick.
I ran my thumb over his slit, and it became sticky with precum. Without thinking, without second-guessing myself, moving on instinct alone, I brought my hand to my mouth and licked the traces of him on my thumb, and he let out a gruff exhale that made me moan.
“Fuck, Cole. This is torture,” he grumbled.
I smirked and used both my hands to pull down his underwear so I could continue this sweet, sweet torture, but Samir seemed to have wised up because he did the same with me.
As soon as his fingers wrapped around my length, I stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped… just stopped being altogether. It was only for seconds, moments of pure nothingness, then I was filled with pure unadulterated bliss from top to bottom.
“I need you to stop,” I stuttered. “Now.”
Samir looked at me, face knotted with concern and his lips quivered.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head.
“If you keep touching me… there, I’m gonna come so fast I won’t know what hit me and… I need to make this last for as long as possible. I don’t want it to end already.”
He softened and smiled; he let go of my cock and looked to me for direction. There was only one.
“I need you inside me. Now,” I croaked.
“I… we don’t have lube and—”
“I don’t care. Use spit and positive thinking. I don’t care. I need you to fuck me,” I said, and even though the words sounded foreign in my head, I knew I wanted this. I needed this.
Samir nodded and crawled down. I opened my legs, and I felt something cool and wet in my tight ring of muscle. I looked at him, watched him use his tongue and his fingers to open me up, to relax me, to loosen me. He checked with me before every little thing, every little change.
I breathed deeply and tried to loosen up as he jabbed my prostate with his fingers. I had to close my eyes, had to bite my hand to control my volume.
“Are—are you okay?” he asked again.
My moan was my response.
“Do you want me to—”
“God, Samir, yes. Yeah. I want you to fuck me. I need you inside me.”
Samir nodded and sat up. He watched me as he pressed his cock against my hole, and I winced.
He pulled back, spat on his fingers, slicked me up, and tried again. I winced again. He pulled out again. He kept going this way until he could slide inside me without me wincing in pain. Until the pain turned back to pleasure, and he could tower over me.
We looked into each other’s eyes as he pushed in and out of me in slow, smooth moves. I hummed, the pleasure seeping out of me.
I knew I was close. Close to a thing I hadn’t felt in so long; I was almost scared of reaching it. Nirvana. Cloud nine. Absolution.
Orgasm.
But I focused on him, his beautiful brown eyes and the way he looked at me as if I were his whole world and braced myself.
I wrapped my legs around his hips, and he had no choice but to push deeper inside me.
To fuck me harder. Take me faster. He slid in and out of me, a low growl hanging from his lips just as it was from mine.
I could feel my hole gaping every time he pulled out, gaping and greedy for more of him.
More of his cock. More of his loving touch.
He thrusted into me over and over again until sweat beaded his forehead. His breath hitched. His lips parted and closed. He was a desperate man. Probably as desperate as me. And I’d caused that. I’d done that to him. I liked that.
“Come, Samir. Come for me, baby,” I begged.
“I’m close,” he whispered, and a drop of his sweat fell on my chest, making me groan.
I bucked my hips and pulled him down to me. I touched my forehead to his, feeling his sweat dripping down my own face. I bit his lips, feeling every grunt and every pant he let out.
“Come for me, baby. Come for me, my Samir. Do it now. Come inside me. It’s okay. Do it,” I whispered.
He stilled for a moment, then another, and then his whole body convulsed, his eyes rolled back, and he pushed all the way inside me.
Heat pooled inside me. Heat and desire all mixed into one, and I let go too. I’d been holding on for far too long, so I let go.
I finally let go.