Chapter 18 #2
“Of course you saw him that way,” Anna said. “Why wouldn’t you? You didn’t have any other information.” She pushed Erica’s plate back toward her.
“But now I do.” Erica picked up her fork again and poked at her food. “To us he was the man who ran, but he didn’t run when he found himself in sole charge of Hattie. He didn’t leave her. He was a single dad in tough circumstances. He made compromises that meant he could focus on his daughter.”
“That’s heartening. They say people can’t change, but he clearly changed.” Anna finished her coffee. “Does that hurt?”
“It could, couldn’t it?” Erica paused, as if she was silently checking for injury. “But it doesn’t. In fact, it helps to know that my father wasn’t a bad person. All the signs are that despite everything, ultimately, he was a decent man.”
Claudia listened while Erica told them the details of the conversation.
She wondered whether, in Erica’s position, she would have been angry with her mother for not responding to his efforts to reach out and make amends, but Erica was fiercely loyal to her mother and didn’t seem angry. Just a little sad.
Claudia wondered what Erica’s life would have been like if her father had reentered her life. If she’d grown up seeing that men might run, but also that they might then grow up and step up. Would that have changed things?
“I like the fact that he told Hattie about you,” Anna said. “But it’s funny thinking that she grew up knowing everything about you, whereas you’ve only recently found out about her. She is obviously pleased you’re here.”
“Yes.”
Anna glanced toward Claudia, and then back at Erica. “Are you sure you want to leave?” Her question was casual, but Claudia had a feeling Anna knew just how badly Claudia wanted to stay.
“I don’t know.” Erica put her fork down. “I don’t know what I want to do.”
In all their years of friendship, Claudia had never seen Erica struggle with a decision. “What does your gut tell you?”
“I don’t listen to my gut when I make decisions. I use my head. And my head tells me I can’t do this. I don’t know how to be what I’m supposed to be.”
Claudia was confused. “Who are you supposed to be?”
“A sister. I’m not familiar with the job description.” There was a flash of panic in Erica’s eyes. “It doesn’t help that I like her.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Yes, in one way. But it also increases the pressure.”
Anna pondered that. “You mean because you like her, and you’re afraid she might not like you back?”
Erica shifted in her seat and then scowled at Anna. “How are you so good at this? How do you always manage to see things that I can’t see myself?”
“Because I know you.” Anna hesitated. “You’ve always had a bit of a fear about being left. Deep down, no matter how much you rationalized it, a part of you always wondered if your father leaving was somehow your fault. But you know it wasn’t.”
“In a way it was.” Erica gave a faint smile.
“He wasn’t ready to be a dad. If I hadn’t appeared, he might have stuck around.
And don’t turn this into some deep philosophical discussion about why I’m not married with eight kids, because the truth is it isn’t in any way linked to any residual daddy issues I may have. I just don’t want that.”
“Good.” Claudia helped herself to more fruit. “I couldn’t afford to buy gifts for eight kids.”
“I really do love my life.”
Anna shrugged. “No one is suggesting you change your life. Just allow a few people in, that’s all.”
“A few?”
“Hattie and s—Delphi.” Anna stumbled slightly and Claudia had a feeling she’d just stopped herself saying sexy Jack. “Also, there is no reason why Hattie wouldn’t like you. We like you.”
“Speak for yourself. I don’t like her one little bit,” Claudia said, “but I’ve been too busy to find a new friend.”
Erica laughed and the atmosphere lightened. “I suppose I—”
Anna lifted her hand to end the conversation. “We have company. Hello, Delphi, how are you this morning?”
“I’m very well, thank you.” Delightfully polite, Delphi slid onto the vacant chair next to Erica and handed her a large sheet of paper. “I made you a painting, Aunt Erica.”
Aunt Erica?
Startled, Claudia glanced at Erica’s face and then at Anna, who was watching intently.
Erica said nothing for a moment and then took the painting and studied it. “This is for me?”
“Yes. It’s a Christmas painting.” Delphi knelt on the chair and pointed.
“That’s our home, and that’s my mommy, and that’s Rufus, and that’s you standing by the Christmas tree.
That’s Noah, although he won’t be here on Christmas Day because he lives somewhere else and he has to help his dad on the farm.
Did you know that sharks don’t have bones? ”
“I’ve never thought about it. That’s very interesting.” Erica gave the painting her full attention. “What am I holding? A present?”
“Yes. It’s a present for me. I didn’t know how big to make it. If the real present you’ve bought me is smaller than the one in the painting you don’t need to worry. It’s the thought that counts.” Delphi patted her hand reassuringly and Claudia turned laughter into a cough.
She had a feeling that if anyone was going to penetrate that protective wall Erica had built around herself, it would be Delphi.
“This is very special. That’s really me? It’s an extraordinary likeness. And I’m wearing my best boots.” Erica peered closer. “There’s someone on the roof.”
“That’s Santa. He’s coming down the chimney.
We’re supposed to be asleep when he comes but drawing people in their beds is hard.
It’s just a drawing so I don’t think it will stop the real Santa coming.
But you need to write your letter soon because he needs time to get whatever it is you want.
Do you know what you want? Because if you do then you could write the letter now. I can help you.”
Claudia decided she would give a lot to see Erica write a letter to Santa. “You haven’t already done it, Erica? Shame on you.”
Erica shot her a look. “I’ve been busy. Have you done yours?”
“I did mine in November. I’m a people pleaser, and if there’s one person it’s important to please then it’s Santa.
” Claudia stole the last piece of pancake from Erica’s plate and gave a smug smile.
“I like to give Santa plenty of time. I don’t believe in creating unnecessarily tight deadlines.
” She had a feeling Erica might kill her later but she’d live with that.
“Santa is busy,” Delphi agreed, “and just in case what you want is difficult to get it would be only fair to tell him soon.”
Erica looked baffled. “Right. I’ll bear that in mind.”
“Do you like snow?”
“I—on occasions, yes.”
Claudia suspected those occasions were usually when she was looking out the window at it, and not going anywhere.
“I love snow,” Delphi said. “Rufus loves snow, too. I have a sled. Do you have a sled?”
“No. And I’ve never been on a sled.”
Delphi’s eyes flew wide. “Never? Not even when you were little?”
“I lived in a city.”
Delphi patted her hand pityingly. “I can teach you. I’d like us to do that together. I have to go and walk Rufus now, but we can write that letter when I come back.” She slid off the chair just as Hattie hurried into the room.
“Delphi, you’re not supposed to be in the restaurant.” She took Delphi’s hand.
“But I did Aunt Erica a painting.”
“I know, but Aunt Erica is a guest and you know we don’t disturb guests.”
Delphi frowned. “Aunt Erica is family.”
“Yes, that’s true—” Hattie floundered and sent them a look of apology. “We’ll leave you to finish your breakfast.”
Delphi was in no hurry to leave. “But later can Aunt Erica see my toys?”
“Aunt Erica is far too busy to see your toys, and—”
“I’d love to see your toys,” Erica said, “if that’s all right. Is that Rufus standing by the door? Not that I know much about dogs, but it looks as if he has his legs crossed out there so maybe you’d better take him for his walk and I’ll see you later.”
Delphi ran across to the dog, and the two of them disappeared.
“Later?” Hattie retrieved Delphi’s hair ribbon from the floor. “You’re not checking out?”
Claudia held her breath and saw Erica glance in her direction. There was a pause as their eyes met, and Claudia wondered if Erica could see how desperately she wanted to stay. Was it visible on her face?
Maybe it was because Erica gave a brief smile. “We have reservations for the whole week,” she said, turning to look at Hattie. “We have a book to discuss, and wine to drink, and conversations to have. And Claudia seems to be having fun in your kitchen, so no, we won’t be checking out.”
“That’s great.” Hattie looked as if she was fighting emotion. “I’m pleased.”
Claudia felt similarly emotional. She’d seen that look. She suspected Erica’s reasons for changing her mind about leaving were more complicated than just a consideration of her friend’s feelings, but still, she was grateful.
And she intended to make the most of the opportunity. “I am having fun in the kitchen. I don’t suppose you’re looking for a chef to cover this week, are you? Because I might know someone who can help.”
“Are you sure?” The tension seemed to seep out of Hattie. “This is your book club week. Your vacation with your friends.”
“There will be plenty of time to talk about books, and anyway, my friends are boring.”
“Thank you,” Anna said mildly. “We love you, too.”
“Do we?” Erica raised an eyebrow. “Personally, I only love her food.”
“I thought we agreed never to tell her that?”
“Well, it’s out there now. She’ll have to live with it. Cupboard love.”
“Refrigerator love,” Anna said. “Range cooker love.”
Erica waved a hand in Claudia’s direction. “I’m already hungry. Go to the kitchen right now and get to work.”
Claudia felt a rush of love for her friends. “I’m going to do that. I have menus to plan with Hattie and a team to motivate. Let’s meet up for a quick lunch later. If I start work now, I’ll have time for that. What are you two going to do?”
“I’m going to take a trip into town to try and finish my Christmas shopping.” Anna reached for her bag and stood up. “While you’re sweating over a hot stove, I will be sipping cinnamon hot chocolate. I might treat myself to that sparkly sweater I spotted in the window.”
Erica shook her head. “Because Anna never saw a sweater she didn’t want to buy.”
Anna shrugged. “It’s Christmas. It would be cruel to leave it there all alone, feeling as if no one cared about it.
Unloved. I’m offering it a good home. And after I’ve made the sweater feel at home among all my other sweaters, I will be checking that Chloe doesn’t need housekeeping assistance, and then I will be calling my Pete.
” She frowned. “Or trying to call him. He has been unusually elusive this week.”
My Pete.
For once Claudia didn’t feel envious. She was too excited about the week ahead. Mostly she was relieved to discover her love of cooking hadn’t left her. It was like falling in love again. “Erica? What will you be doing?”
“Me? I’m going to keep Anna company on her shopping trip to make sure she buys a maximum of one sweater, then I’m going to write a letter to Santa,” Erica said, “and because I have no idea what I’m doing, Delphi has generously offered to help me.”
Claudia was so grateful to her that she stepped forward and hugged her. “Thank you for staying.”
“Oh, a public display of affection. My favorite thing.” But she gave Claudia a hug back. “You would have left for me, and I can certainly stay for you. And anyway, you’re not the only reason. Go and produce something that will make our taste buds explode.”