Chapter Nineteen
Nineteen
Melody put a shot of eggnog into her decaf coffee and tried to muster some good old-fashioned holiday cheer. Any minute, her entire family would show up so they could all pile into her parents’ Suburban for their annual Christmas lights spectacular, but she wasn’t feeling it tonight.
Sure, she’d put on her best ugly Christmas sweater—a requirement for this tradition—but she’d much rather curl up on the couch and bury her face in a pint of ice cream while she continued to mope, as she had been ever since she’d left Jonathan’s house yesterday.
It was silly to miss something she’d barely had. But she’d forgotten the power of passion—how it moved her, made her blossom. She’d forgotten how it felt to have someone to say good night to—even if it was only over FaceTime. This morning when she’d woken, she’d grabbed her phone, anticipation building for a few seconds before she’d remembered that things had ended.
Who was she kidding? Nothing had ended for her. She might have told Jonathan their relationship was over, but her thoughts had wandered to him while she’d gone about her work for the day—paying bills and doing laundry and wrapping the boys’ Christmas presents.
No one had really noticed her mood. The boys were still largely avoiding her, hanging out in their rooms playing their music and video games, probably. She hadn’t gone over the terms of their grounding yet, seeing as how this was uncharted territory. What kind of punishment could she give them when she could’ve prevented this whole fiasco?
Tate rounded the corner into the kitchen, and lo and behold he was dressed for the weather.
“You’re wearing snow pants.”
“Yeah. Nonna said to dress warm because we’re going to get out of the car a lot this year.” Those were the first words he’d spoken to her since he’d told her he was going upstairs to read after breakfast. “I didn’t want to be cold like I was when we went ice skating.”
“Good thinking.” Though she suspected he’d put on the snow pants for other reasons too. He was trying to make up for the whole food fight thing because he’d seen how upset she’d gotten. They were all still walking on eggshells since yesterday—the boys and her too. They were tiptoeing around their feelings, being overly polite like complete strangers, all doing penance in their own ways. This morning, she’d put extra chocolate chips in their waffles.
“Is it time to go?” Finn wandered into the kitchen carrying a stack of bowls she was pretty sure had been in his room for the better part of a month. “It’s already getting dark.” He. Put. The. Bowls. In. The. Dishwasher!
“Papa and Nonna should be here any minute.” She finished her coffee and stood up.
“Here, Mom.” Tate offered to take her mug. “I’ll put this in the dishwasher for you.”
“Thanks.” She got teary for about the tenth time that day. In so many ways, the boys had started to take care of her every bit as much as she took care of them. But she didn’t want them doing things out of guilt. “Hey, we should talk—”
“Knock, knock!” Her mother came through the front door wearing a sweater with blinking lights. “Who’s ready for the Christmas lights spectacular?”
“We are.” Finn tried but his tone fell flat.
“Then let’s get going.” She clapped her hands, ever and always the family’s cruise director. “No dawdling now. We have an exciting surprise planned.”
Melody handed the boys their coats, and they paraded through the door more like they were on their way to a funeral than a fun night out with the family.
“Everyone pile in.” Her father stood by the Suburban’s back door. Genevieve was already strapped into the way back, and Doug and Kels were in the middle seat. “Boys in the back. Melly, you can squeeze in next to Kels. No bickering, you two.”
“Yes, Dad.” She took her seat.
“How’re the boys?” her sister whispered. Thankfully, Finn and Tate were already so busy talking to Genevieve about their latest Minecraft world, they didn’t hear.
“They’re not saying much.” But it had only been a day. “Last night I had them write apology letters to everyone involved and Mr. Braxton.” And they hadn’t put up a fight. “But they seem pretty sad about it all.”
“They’ll come around.” She peeked behind them and then leaned even closer. “What about you and Jonathan?”
“There is no me and Jonathan.” A sense of loss hollowed her voice. If only she had told the boys about them sooner. If only she hadn’t gotten so caught up in the sneaking around. The regrets pressed in, burdening her heart. “It’s too hard.”
“If love were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it,” Kels whispered. “Think of all you and Thomas went through. You fought for each other. You stuck it out, even with all the complications. And you two were so in love. Right until the end.”
Melody nodded, choking back tears. She’d met Thomas right when he’d started his medical residency. It had made no sense to pursue a relationship. He was working crazy long hours at the hospital while she was trying to work her way up in L.A.’s fashion scene. But there’d been this irresistible pull between them, one she couldn’t deny, no matter how much she tried. So they’d figured out their schedules, stealing moments together, getting creative with their communication. She’d shown up to the hospital for his breaks. And he’d surprised her with coffees at her desk after he’d worked all night. They’d had to work hard for what they built. It hadn’t come easy, and maybe that was why their love had been so strong.
She’d never thought she’d be lucky enough to feel that magic for someone else. But now she also had two boys who had to come first in her life. No matter what she wanted.
Trying to distract herself, Melody directed her attention to the front of the SUV, where her father was fussing with the radio. “We need to get going so we’re not late to the last Cookie Daze meeting. I have to be there at seven o’clock sharp.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Her dad finally settled on a radio station, and her mom started to hand back the travel mugs. “We made dark hot chocolate with a hint of cinnamon from scratch this year. Sip and savor, people!”
“The drive is gonna be a little longer than usual, so everyone needs to be on their best behavior.” Her dad shot her and her sister a pointed look over his shoulder.
“Why so long?” It was already half past four. Usually their holiday light viewing excursion took around an hour.
“We found this amazing outdoor display near Evergreen. I heard Charlene talking about it at school pickup yesterday,” her mom said excitedly.
Of course she had. Melody slumped in her seat. That was where those rumors had started, then. Charlene must’ve seen her and Jonathan at the Enchanted Forest together. Here she was trying to forget about Jonathan, and now she’d have to walk the same path she’d walked with him.
“Melly, do you think you could scoot over a little?” her sister half whined. “You’re crowding me.”
“Are you serious right now?” She didn’t know what it was about the Suburban, but her fight instinct always engaged. “I don’t want to scoot over. I want to scoot closer .” She put her arm around Kels, who immediately elbowed her in the ribs.
“Do I need to pull this car over?” their father barked.
“You two are busted.” It was the first semi-joking tone she’d heard from Finn since yesterday.
“That’s nothing.” Kels giggled. “Do you all remember when Mom and Dad got the brilliant idea to drive to Disneyland?”
Both of her parents groaned.
“I had to pull the car over at least three times in every state,” her father told the kids. “That was the end of road trips. After that, we decided to fly everywhere.”
“Tell us more stories!” Genevieve loved to hear stories about other people’s bad behavior.
The rest of the drive, her parents took turns telling the kids what hellions they’d been tasked with raising. At least Finn and Tate were laughing. Melody tried, but she’d never been very good at pretending.
When they pulled into the parking lot of the Enchanted Forest, she had to drag herself out of the car.
The magical night she’d spent here with Jonathan seemed like a lifetime ago.
They all followed the path into the glowing trees, with the kids chatting and running up ahead. Murmurs of awe interrupted the silence.
“Look at the pink trees!” Genevieve gravitated to the grove on their left with Doug following while he took pictures on his phone.
“I like the green.” Finn veered right with Tate and her parents, so Melody decided to hang with Kels.
“I wish there were something I could do to cheer you up.” Her sister tugged her jacket and slowed her down. “You’ve hardly said a word since we got out of the car.”
Melody looked around them to make sure no one else would hear. “Jonathan brought me here. This was our date.”
“Ah.” Her sister linked their arms together. “It must’ve been a pretty romantic evening.”
She really didn’t want to think about it right now. “I guess so.”
Kels gave her a jab and frowned.
“Okay, fine. It was the best evening I’ve had in a long time. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes, actually.” Her sister stopped walking and faced her. “You care about him and he cares about you. It’s so obvious. You can’t let Charlene get her way in all this. You’ve got to put up a fight. You can’t let her win.”
“This isn’t about winning. It’s not that simple.”
“She’s only making trouble for you so she can start a cookie committee coup.” Kels nudged her to start walking again.
“She can have the committee back.” Melody turned toward the boys’ voices. “I give up.”
“But you’ve worked so hard on Cookie Daze,” her sister argued. “And the live bake-off was really fun to watch, even if it didn’t turn out how you’d hoped. We got more cookies donated for the daze this year than ever before too. You’re doing a great job.”
But her reason for taking over had been misguided in the first place. She’d thought the cookie committee would bring her and the boys closer, but the whole thing had only added more stress to all their lives. Hopefully it wasn’t too late for her to salvage their holidays. “I’m going to catch up to Finn and Tate.” She walked away from her sister and followed the sound of her sons bickering.
“So, what’d you guys think?” She walked between them, gathering them both under one arm. Forget the polite penance. Forget wallowing. They had to get past the food fight and start to focus on Christmas. Maybe that would help her move on.
“It’s pretty cool.” Finn gazed up at her, relief on his face. All day he’d probably assumed she was mad at him instead of just sad.
“It must’ve taken these people a lot of work,” Tate said. “That’s so many lights.”
“I can’t imagine how much work it was.” Thomas used to spend hours putting lights on the house, but she hadn’t even known where to start with all those cords and wires. So they all still sat in a box in the garage.
“We could do Christmas lights again.” Tate stopped to examine a strand of colorful bulbs. “I mean, I know we haven’t since Dad died, but we could now. Because we’re big enough to help you.”
Emotion got all jumbled in her throat. “That’s true. You two would be a big help now.” Letting them grow up wasn’t all bad. They were taking on more responsibility. Maybe putting up lights could become a new tradition for them. “I can’t believe how fast you’re growing up.” She did her best not to sound sappy, but she wanted them to know. “Your dad would be so proud of the young men you’re becoming.” She might have wanted them to stay little for a while longer, but they were maturing into good humans who would make a mark on the world.
“Dad probably wouldn’t be proud of the whole food fight thing.” Guilt still tinged Finn’s expression.
“Everyone makes mistakes,” she assured him. “Even he did. He told me a story about how he and his friend took the toilet paper from the bathroom and TP’ed the entire art room when they were supposed to be at recess once. He got suspended too.” Hopefully they wouldn’t get any bright ideas.
“Whoa. Really?” Tate cracked up.
“Really.” She prodded them to keep walking through the mystical trees. “I think he would’ve understood the food fight thing. And even if he got a little mad about it, he would’ve loved you anyway, just like I do.” They were her heart and her soul, these boys. They were what she had left of the husband she’d loved.
“Did you tell Mr. Braxton about Blake?” Dread weighted Finn’s tone.
“I did.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Because he shouldn’t get away with his part in the whole mess either. You two took responsibility and had consequences, and so should he.”
Finn leaned in closer to her side. “I didn’t get so mad because you were dating Mr. Braxton.” He peered up at her. “It was because we didn’t know. And Blake did.”
“And he was telling everyone and then even our friends started to talk about it,” Tate added.
“I’m sorry that happened.” She’d made a lot of mistakes as a mom, and she’d likely make a lot more. The best she could do was own them and learn from them and be authentic so her boys knew they didn’t have to be perfect either. “Honestly, this is uncharted territory for me.” Navigating the dating world again wasn’t something she’d chosen, and yet Jonathan had made her want to put herself out there again. “I didn’t think I’d ever want to date anyone again because I loved your dad so much. But Mr. Braxton and I started out as friends. And then our feelings went a little deeper. That wasn’t our intention, but that’s what happened.” What else could she say? It was impossible to explain that kind of romantic connection to a kid. “But I promise, in the future, I’ll be more up front. It wasn’t fair for you to be caught off guard like that.”
“I understand, Mom.” Finn patted her shoulder. “You don’t always get to choose who you crush on.”
No matter how sad she was, these boys always helped her find her real laugh again.
“Mr. Braxton wasn’t as bad as I thought.” A huge compliment, coming from Tate. “I mean, he’s a really good hockey player. That was a fun night. He laughs more when he’s not at school.”
“He surprised me in a lot of ways too, honey. But it’s okay. We’re not going to date, so you don’t have to worry about any more problems at school.”
Tate tugged her to a stop again. “But—”
“Snowball fight!” Genevieve ambushed them from behind, hitting Finn in the shoulder.
“Oh, it’s on.” Her son scooped up a huge double handful of snow and fired one back while Tate aimed for Doug. Melody took cover behind a tree.
Finally, Nonna declared a cease-fire so they wouldn’t be late to the committee meeting. They all snapped a few selfies and then tumbled themselves back into the Suburban.
While her father stayed with the boys at her house, she and her mother and Kels rushed to the school for the meeting, arriving three minutes prior to seven.
Jonathan stood in the hall as though waiting for her.
“Hey, um, hi.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, heat crawling up her neck.
“We’ll go get seats.” Kels dragged their mother into the conference room, leaving her alone with the man she’d been trying to forget about all day.
“You look cold.” His mouth was drawn. “Your cheeks are rosy.”
“Oh. Right.” Now he had her touching her cheeks. Because she didn’t feel cold right now. Jonathan still made her glow from the inside out. “We had a family lights night at the Enchanted Forest.”
He nodded, his sad eyes staying intent on hers. “What did the boys think?”
“They were actually really into it.” Those were maybe some of the best moments she’d had with them all season. “We had a lot of fun.” But she was still missing him. Even more so as she stood here with him, feeling the heat between them but unable to do anything about it except step back before she gave in and reached for him.
“I’m glad.” Jonathan’s gaze hit the floor and then traveled back up to hers. “So they’re doing okay, then? I feel awful about that whole confrontation in my office. I should’ve handled things a lot differently.”
Clearly she and the boys weren’t the only ones steeped in guilt. “I don’t think any of us knew what to do in that situation.” How could they have? The boys weren’t prepared, but she and Jonathan weren’t either. “We can all give each other some grace and move past it.” The words were forced because she didn’t want to move past it, past him.
He reached out and took her hand. “I’d like the chance to talk—”
“Oh good.” Charlene came barreling down the hall. “The meeting hasn’t started yet. It looks like I’m right on time.”
Fire traveled up Melody’s sternum, a flame on a fuse. She shouldn’t be surprised Charlene had shown up here. She ducked toward the wall. She couldn’t do this right now.
Jonathan stepped in front of the door as if he could really block Charlene from attending the meeting. “What’re you doing?”
“I thought it was important that I come to voice my concerns in person.” The woman’s sickly sweet smile had Melody clenching her hands. “Pardon.” She stepped around Jonathan and went in.
Melody followed immediately, stacking her spine for a fight. The other committee members were already seated, but chatting stopped the second Charlene entered. “It’s becoming common knowledge that Melody has got Mr. Braxton wrapped around her finger.” She’d already worked on a speech, apparently. “And I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a conflict of interest.”
“Then why are you here alone?” Kels asked smartly. Mom and Aunt Bernice and Joan all snickered. Melody would’ve too, but her jaw seemed to have locked. If she forced it open, she had no idea what would come out.
“I mean, look at what happened with the Cookie Contest.” Charlene set her duffel bag of a purse on the table. “Finn and Tate Monroe sabotaged the whole thing, and Jonathan made up a story to protect them. They weren’t even punished for cheating.”
Melody eased out a slow, methodical breath.
“That’s because Finn and Tate weren’t responsible for switching out my ingredients.” Jonathan deployed a razor-sharp tone she’d never heard him use before.
“You don’t know that. You have no proof they weren’t responsible.” Charlene darted her gaze to the others. “They’re trouble. I don’t have to tell you all what they did to Blake in the cafeteria.”
“What about what Blake did to them, huh?” Her mother stood up, posture steeled. “That kid has been a bully since kindergarten, and—”
“Now, now, ladies,” Nancy said. “There’s no need for accusations and anger.”
But Melody would stand up for her kids. “If you’ll recall, Charlene, Finn and Tate were both suspended. They’ve written letters of apology and—”
“Actually, I’ve decided to revoke their suspension.” Jonathan calmly took his seat. “I had a discussion with Blake yesterday. It seems he was badgering them about the gossip you yourself started.”
The woman huffed. “I haven’t started anything. You two are the ones sneaking around.” She pointed at Melody and Jonathan. “Blake did nothing wrong. I’ll be forced to file a complaint with the superintendent.”
“Go ahead.” Jonathan smiled pleasantly. “I’ve already discussed the situation with him so he’ll be ready for your call.”
“Ha!” Aunt Bernice cackled. “Take that.”
The woman looked around the room, her jaw hinged open. “The rest of you are fine with someone like her leading such an important committee for this school?”
“You want to take over, Charlene? Then have at it.” Melody was ready to walk out. She didn’t need this. “Unlike you, I don’t need this job to tell me that I’m a good person.”
Kels pushed out of her chair. “If Melody quits, I’m walking out with her.”
“Me too,” her mother called.
“And me.” Aunt Bernice harrumphed. “You won’t catch me working as one of Charlene’s minions.”
“That goes for the rest of us too, I think,” Nancy said, although somewhat apologetically. Joan and Deb and Tracey nodded along.
“No one is stepping down and no one is quitting. But you’re more than welcome to stay, Charlene.” Jonathan gestured to the open chair across from him. “If you’d like to be a part of the team and help. It’s a great group. I’ve never seen such effort and teamwork from this committee before.”
Charlene scoffed, seemingly at a loss for words, and then stalked out of the room, lugging her gigantic purse with her.
“Shall we get on with our meeting?” Smiling at Melody, Jonathan patted the open seat next to him, and she pretty much wanted him more now than ever.
Melody sank to the chair, but how was she supposed to run the meeting with her heart clenched so painfully? Jonathan was everything she didn’t know she’d been looking for and she couldn’t have him. She couldn’t turn to smile and hug him right now. She couldn’t hold his hand under the table or text him kissy emojis or even look at him without aching.
“Would you like me to go over the volunteer assignments for Cookie Daze once more?” Kels offered.
She nodded, tears stuck in her throat.
After her sister had stalled with a very detailed rundown of what they could expect, Melody found her voice again. “If any of you have any questions before the big day, call or text me any time.” She looked around the table, letting her gratitude show. “Thank you all for your great work on this team. I know things haven’t exactly gone smoothly, but I feel like we’ve come together to get through the challenges.”
“Because of you.” Deb reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “You’ve done a wonderful job, Melody, especially taking over last minute the way you did.”
“Christmas would’ve fallen apart without you,” her mom added. “You kept the magic in Cookeville alive. Speaking of magic…” She gathered up her purse. “Ladies…” She turned to address everyone at the table except for Melody and Jonathan. “What do you say we give these two a moment alone?”
“Mom!” Melody gaped at her.
“I think that’s a fabulous idea,” Nancy sang.
“Me too!” Kels scrambled out of her chair.
“A moment…” Deb murmured with a smile. “Or maybe a whole evening.”
If only.
“Bye, now,” Bernice called, herding the rest of the cookie committee out the door.
“They’re so subtle,” Jonathan commented with a laugh.
His joking tone gave her the courage to turn and look at him. “My mother has never been subtle.” But she couldn’t complain right now. She had some things to say to him. The biggest one being…“Thank you. For taking care of the Charlene issue earlier.” Melody wasn’t sure she would’ve had the strength to face those accusations without him standing up for her. “I’m sure she’s going to try to create problems for you later.”
“Totally worth it.” He inched forward in his chair, drawing closer but not reaching for her. “Besides, I’m not worried. I’ve recently adopted a new philosophy.”
“What’s that?” she asked softly.
He shrugged, grinning at her. “I’ve always lived by a pretty strict plan. But recently someone has inspired me to take life one day at a time.”
“Yeah?” She found herself smiling back at him.
“Yeah.” He might as well have been touching her for how hard her heart pounded. “Because things might not exactly fall into place today, but you never know what can happen tomorrow.”
“That’s true.” Oh God. She ached to put her arms around him. But she didn’t. “I suppose living life one day at a time leaves more room for hope.” That was what Jonathan had given her.
And maybe hoping for him—for them—was enough to hold on to for now.