Chapter 17 #2
“I don’t have any,” she admitted. “I don’t even really pay attention to the holidays, to be honest. I always work through them, so others can have it off, because I don’t do anything.
I don’t decorate, or have anyone to spend them with—” She trailed off, and she saw Jackson straighten, a sympathetic look on his face as he set down his tools and walked over to where she was standing.
“What about your grandmother?” he asked.
She knew he must know that it had been years since she and Mabel had spent time together.
Mabel obviously didn’t leave Fir Tree Grove at Christmastime, in a town this small Jackson would know that, and Vanessa hadn’t been to the town since she was a child.
But she answered him anyway, because he seemed genuinely curious about why.
“My parents died right before I graduated college,” she said quietly, closing the deposit bag and setting it down, her hands pressed against the cool wood of the counter.
“They moved away from here when I was a kid, and we just never had much time or money to come back to visit. After they died I just—shut down.”
She let out a long, slow breath, expecting Jackson to cut in, but he didn’t.
He just watched her with a quiet, sympathetic expression on his face, as she walked around the counter to stand next to him.
“It was a car accident,” she said softly, leaning back against it.
“I got the job that I have now, in San Francisco, right after it. And I just threw myself into work. I didn’t want to come back here, because it would remind me of them.
If I talked to my grandmother, I thought she might want to talk about them. I didn’t want to remember any of it.”
Her voice caught, and Jackson slipped an arm around her shoulders, gently pulling her closer. Some part of her brain wondered if it was a good idea, but he was broad and warm and comforting, and he smelled like pine and fireplace smoke and the faintest hint of coffee. He smelled safe.
“I closed myself off from everything because I didn’t want to get hurt again,” she admitted, feeling her eyes start to well up a little.
When was the last time I even cried? she wondered.
She thought that she hadn’t since her parents died.
She gave in to the urge to rest her head on Jackson’s shoulder, and he let her, one hand comfortingly rubbing the ball of her shoulder as she sniffed back the tears.
“It’s made me really hesitant to make any connections since I’ve been here,” she said softly.
“But reconnecting with my grandmother has been wonderful. And then I met Imogen, and you, and you’ve all found a place in my heart.
It makes me wonder what other connections I’ve been missing out on all this time. ”
Jackson leaned back a little, looking down at her, and Vanessa gave him a watery smile, realizing she’d started to cry a little into his flannel. She pulled back, wiping embarrassedly at her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said with a small laugh. “I’m a mess, aren’t I? I didn’t mean to dump all that on you.”
“I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me,” Jackson said, his voice full of reassurance. “And I’m glad you’re here in Fir Tree Grove for the holiday, instead of spending it alone.”
“Me too,” Vanessa admitted.
“What would you do for a Christmas tree, if you had one?” Jackson asked, and Vanessa frowned a little.
“I don’t know, honestly. My parents were never big on Christmas trees. My dad had an allergy to the live ones, and my mom always thought the faux ones were too plastic-y. I would go with Mabel and Grandpa to get theirs when I was a kid, but we never had one at our house.”
“So you’ve never gone and picked out your own Christmas tree? Never cut one down at a farm?” Jackson gasped in teasing outrage, and Vanessa laughed, shaking her head.
“Never,” she said. “I wasn’t allowed to help cut them down as a kid, obviously. So no, I’ve never cut my own tree.”
“That’s horrifying,” Jackson laughed. “You’re missing out on the best part of Christmas.”
“Sounds like it.” Vanessa wiped her sleeve across her eyes. “Look at me. I’m holding you up from your job. I’m sorry.”
“No need. This is Fir Tree Grove,” Jackson said calmly.
“It’ll get done when it gets done.” He hesitated for a moment, then offered her a shy smile.
“I wanted to ask—would you be open to going on a date with me? Maybe Sunday, when the shop is closed? I wouldn’t want to steal too much time away from your grandmother, but maybe just a few hours? ”
Vanessa hesitated only for a second. She knew it was foolish to get involved with him, when she was leaving soon, and there was no chance of it turning into anything.
But so much of her life, for so many years, had been rote and planned and routine.
A date with a handsome, rugged small-town man who was eager to spend some more time with her was exactly the kind of spontaneous excitement she needed in her life.
And she wanted to spend more time with Jackson too.
She hadn’t ever had a man like him in her life—quiet, safe, calm, comforting.
It didn’t have to be anything serious, she told herself. Just a fun night out.
“I’d love to,” she said sincerely, and she saw a bit of the nervousness that had started to show in Jackson’s gaze flicker out.
“I’m not entirely sure what we’re going to do yet,” he said with a grin. “I didn’t let myself get that far. But I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds perfect to me,” Vanessa said.
Jackson glanced outside, where snow had lightly begun to fall, and all of the town’s lights were coming on. “Come on,” he said with a smile. “I’ll finish these displays tomorrow. Let me walk you back to Hearthside?”
“Sure,” she agreed, smiling as he set the tools back in their box and unlocked the door for her to follow.
As they walked side-by-side back to the bed and breakfast, she felt calmer than she could remember feeling in many, many years.
It was picture-perfect—a handsome man walking with her, the snow lightly falling, the entire town lit up in a glow of Christmas lights that left it glittering brightly against the packed white snow.
It was something out of a Christmas card, and Vanessa felt a tug in her chest at the thought of leaving it behind.
Jackson walked her all the way back to the front step of Hearthside, where he grinned at her.
“Sunday,” he reminded her, and she nodded.
“See you then. Well, probably tomorrow, when you come finish the displays. But definitely then.”
She flushed, knowing she was stammering, but Jackson just smiled, waving before heading back down the street toward the neighborhood where he lived. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten so flustered.
As she walked inside, she saw Christopher at the front counter, busily working on some paperwork. He looked up as she walked in, raising a hand with a smile in greeting. “Hey there. Cold night out, hm?”
“Freezing,” Vanessa agreed with a shiver. “But beautiful.”
“It really is. Grab a cookie,” he invited, gesturing toward the china plate with freshly decorated sugar cookies, and then turned back to his paperwork.
Vanessa grabbed one, a wreath-shaped cookie with green and red icing, and headed up to her room. Once upstairs, she checked her phone as she started to draw a bath, and her heart immediately sank when she saw a message from Katelyn on her screen.
KATELYN: I’m sorry, Vanessa. I looked everywhere for the toy, but no one has it in stock. I can’t get it anywhere. I’m afraid I can’t help you pull this one off.