Chapter Sixteen
L iam had known making love with Val would be good, but he hadn’t known just how good it would be. The second time was even better than the first because he could go slower, and be more thorough. They were snuggled up with her head on his chest and his arm around her, almost dozing. Liam wasn’t usually highly analytical, especially after sex. But if he had to classify what he was feeling he’d say really, really good. Postcoital bliss?
Sure, he always felt good after sex. I mean, it was sex. What was not to like? But this was different. There was something about finally making love to Val and then lying here with her knowing she was his wife, and they were connected. They could make love whenever they wanted and that made him feel deeply content.
“You’re awfully quiet. We didn’t…we didn’t hurt you or the baby, did we?”
She laughed. More of a giggle. “No, Liam. We’re both good.”
“I’m in uncharted territory, you know.”
“To be honest, so am I. But from what I’ve read sex during pregnancy is just fine unless you’re having problems. And I’m not.”
“Oh. Well, good.”
“I was beginning to think it was never going to happen.”
“Funny,” he said. “I was thinking the same thing.”
“I thought…maybe you weren’t attracted to me and that’s why you waited.”
He tugged her head back and stared at her. “Not attracted to you? You’re kidding, right? I waited for you to be ready. Yeah, we’ve known each other a long time, but not in that way. I thought I was pretty clear on what I wanted and how much I wanted it. In fact, it’s been damn hard to keep my hands off you.”
She raised her head and looked at him with surprise. “Really?”
“Really. You’re a beautiful woman, Val. I’ve been attracted to you for a long time, but I thought I was too old for you. Hell, for a long time I was too old for you. Besides, I thought Riley wouldn’t be okay with the two of us getting together. You saw what happened when he thought the baby was mine.”
“Riley is overprotective. You’re not that much older than me. It’s not like you’re twenty years older than I am. Besides, what would it matter if you were? They’re just numbers.”
“I guess I was used to thinking of you as off-limits.”
They were quiet for a bit then Val asked, “Liam? Do you regret getting married?”
“No. Do you?”
“No.”
“I heard a ‘but’ in there.”
“I don’t regret marrying you at all. But I’m still worried about the future. How things are going to work out. What happens if I see Trent again and he’s changed his mind about the baby? He’s not going to believe I lost his baby and got pregnant again so soon with yours. Although, he could think I lied and you were the father all along.”
“He doesn’t know you at all if he thinks you’d lie about something like this.”
“That’s the thing. He doesn’t know me.”
But Liam did. “Would you feel comfortable letting him think you lied and I’m the baby’s father?”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so.”
“I wish I could.”
“It would be easier. But you’re way too honest to do that.”
“Could you do it? Lie to Trent, I mean.”
“Probably not.” He wished he could. No, what he really wished was that the baby really was his biological child. Not that he wouldn’t love it no matter what, but their lives would be much easier if he was the bio dad.
*
Early one morning a few days after Thanksgiving Liam found his mother at one of her favorite places on the ranch. The pasture nearest the barn where Liam’s stallion, Blackjack, grazed. It didn’t matter to her which horse or horses were there, she loved that pasture. The Gallatins were visible in the distance, snowcapped already. The grass in the pasture was covered in frost, which Maureen always said made her think of a winter wonderland—even more than snow did.
“Hi, Mom,” he said when he reached her side.
“Hi, honey. Where’s Val?”
“She’s with Starlight.”
“You two seem to be getting along well. Married life must agree with you.”
It sure as hell had since Thanksgiving. It might have taken them a while to get there, but once they’d made love, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other. He changed the subject, rather than continue down that road. Not something he wanted to think about around his mother.
“Val wants to go to the Stroll and the tree lighting this weekend. Are you planning on going?”
“No. Do you want me to take care of things here?”
“I’ve got it covered.” Les had told him he planned to be available. Since his new full-time hand had moved to the ranch, to the apartment over the barn, Liam’s life was a lot easier. Adding Melody, the new ranch manager, made things run even more smoothly. In fact he wondered why he hadn’t worked harder to find people to fill those positions. He guessed he’d been gun-shy after the problems with his last manager and full-time help.
“Why don’t you go with Val and me to the Stroll?” His mom hadn’t gone to the Stroll in years, not since his dad died. He knew Clint had tried to get her there, but she’d turned him down every time.
“You don’t need your mother tagging along with you two newlyweds.”
“Val specifically asked if you’d go. She’s worried people think you don’t approve of her.” Not true, but Val had okayed it if it would help get his mom to go.
“That’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t I approve of Val? I’ve known her since she was a little girl.”
“Don’t ask me. I’m just the messenger. So can I tell her you’ll go?”
His mother looked out at the horses grazing in the pasture. “If it’s so important to Val I guess I have no choice. I’ll go.”
“Great. I’ll let her know.” His mother had gone back to staring out at the pasture. “Tell me something, Mom. Why is this pasture so important to you? I remember when we talked about expanding the barn and horse stalls you vetoed using it—or even a part of it. But you never explained why.”
She turned her head to look at him with surprise. “I thought you knew.”
“No. None of us do.”
“Your father proposed to me here. Right here in this spot, where you have the perfect view of the Gallatins and any of our horses that we pasture here.”
Okay, that made sense. He wondered why she’d never told them. “You still miss him, don’t you?” He knew she did. He did too.
“Every day.”
“Is that why you won’t pick a date to marry Clint?”
She was silent so long he thought she wouldn’t answer. Finally, she said, “Part of it.”
“You always said you’d marry Clint once I was settled. I’m married and the new hands are working out. And the ranch manager has been great. I’d call that settled. So what’s the holdup?”
“Are you trying to kick me out of my own home?”
“No, I’m asking when you’re going to marry Clint.”
“I don’t know.”
“What’s going on, Mom? I thought you wanted to marry Clint. I’m pretty sure he thinks so. Although he might not anymore.”
“He doesn’t. He’s mad at me. In fact, yesterday he gave me an ultimatum. Can you imagine?”
He sure as hell could. If he were Clint he’d have given her one long ago. “What did he say?”
“He said we either set a date or we’re done.”
“Do you blame him? What’s holding you up? Don’t you love him?”
She sighed heavily. “Yes. But I sure as hell don’t like being given an ultimatum.”
“If you wanted to marry him, he shouldn’t have had to give you one.”
“I care about him, Liam. I do. I’m just not sure I’m ready to get married.”
“Why? You and Clint have been together for a long time now.”
“Yes. But we haven’t been married.” She sighed and started walking back to the barn. “Your father would have been so happy to see you married to Val.”
“How do you get that? She was a kid when Dad was alive.”
“We always thought once she grew up that Val would suit you. Why, for one thing, she’s as crazy about horses as you are.”
He thought his mother was imagining things, but he didn’t speak.
“Your father was the love of my life. When he died…if it hadn’t been for you boys I’m not sure what I’d have done.”
“We all loved him, Mom. But he’s been gone for eight years. He would want you to move on.”
“Maybe. But I don’t know if I can. If I get married again it means he’s really gone. He’s never coming back.”
Liam didn’t know what to say to that.
“When I think about marrying Clint…I can’t because I still feel married to your father.”
“But, Mom, you’ve been dating Clint for several years now. You’ve been together, even if you haven’t been married.” He was not going to ask her about her sex life. Nope. No way, no how. But if she’d put Clint off for that long—surely she hadn’t.
“I know. I had a hard time with that at first, but it got better the longer we dated. I can ignore those feelings of guilt if we’re just dating. Because I know in my head that he’s gone. But marriage—marriage to someone else makes it real and final. I’m still not ready for that. If Clint can’t understand how I feel, then maybe it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”
What the hell? “Mom, I’m sorry but that’s just—” He started to say stupid but thought better of it. “It doesn’t make sense. Unless you never really wanted to marry Clint. But I sure thought you did.”
“I did. But the reality is I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know. What if it doesn’t work out? Being married is different from just dating.”
“If you love him you should marry him.” To him, that’s what it came down to. He’d brought Cici here—which had turned out well for her and Logan—and turned himself inside out to find more help, and his mother was now saying she wasn’t sure she even wanted to get married?