39. Lydia
39
LYDIA
E vie stopped making cooing noises at the baby. She tilted her head to the side, and I could tell she was listening to Dan and Miles. It wasn’t until the deep rumble of Dan’s truck started that Evie turned to me. “Are you okay?”
“I’ve been asked that a lot in the last twenty-four hours,” I said with a chuckle.
“I’m serious, Lydia, are you? Are you okay? Are you and the baby safe?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “If you didn’t think we were safe with Miles, why did you leave last night?”
“I know that was a mistake,” she said. “I honestly thought I’d be able to get back in time, but it was so much worse out there than it had been when Miles came and got me.”
“Is it really any better today?” I asked.
The snow stopped falling, so there is that,” she said.
“We’re fine,” I told her. “Miles has been nothing but wonderful and supportive. He even stayed up all night to decorate a tree.”
I pointed at the meager attempt at our festive Christmas tree. It may not have been the biggest or the shiniest, but it was decorated with love and that’s all that really mattered to me. In a few years, we’d look back on pictures of the tree and laugh about it.
I covered my face with my hands. “Yesterday was just really hard,” I admitted.
Evie laughed. “Of course it was. You had a baby, and he is so precious.” She turned her attention back to the bundle in her arms.
“I love him,” I said, completely unprompted.
“Of course you do,” Evie replied. “Look at how beautiful and wonderful he is. How could you not love him?”
“I mean Miles,” I said. “I love him.”
Tears leaked from my eyes. I didn’t realize I was crying until my face was wet.
“I don’t know what I would do without him. How am I supposed to do this by myself, Evie?”
“You know you’re not going to be by yourself. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know you will, but I want him,” I said. “I’ve wanted him from the moment I met him, and as much as I should have hated him these past few months, I never could.”
“Is that what you’ve been hiding from me this whole time?” she asked.
I nodded. “I’m sorry about that.” Guilt gnawed at me. I shouldn’t have hidden anything from her. She was my best friend.
“It’s not as if I hadn’t made my opinion of the man known. You’ve been fighting an uphill battle. I can see how you feel. You’ve had to do it all by yourself. You didn’t think I’d support you. You didn’t think he cared. He loves you, you know.”
My jaw dropped and I stared at her. I wasn’t eloquent with words on a good day, and this wasn’t a good day. I was so worn out and overwhelmed.
“What do you mean, he loves me? What did he say to you?”
“He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to,” Evie responded. “Look what he’s done. Your tree. He’s voluntarily went out with Mayor Dan trying to show you that he cares about you and this place.”
“Do you really think so?” I asked.
“I know so. Has he not said anything to you?”
“Oh, he said many things to me, and I think we’re at an agreement that we will go forward with whatever this is between us,” I tried to explain. We were going forward, but I didn’t know exactly with what.
Evie adjusted the blanket around my son’s face. “I think you would call this thing between you a family. The two of you have a son together. You’re in love with him, even if you haven’t told him yet. And clearly, he’s in love with you. To be honest, I don’t know if he even knows how to say those words, but his actions…”
“How can I trust him?” I was asking myself more than asking Evie.
“The easiest way to trust him is to simply have faith in him. Make sure his actions are matching his words. What has he been saying to you? What are his words?”
I had to think for a minute. “He keeps apologizing, and he says he wants to be here for us.”
“Let’s start there. He says he wants to be here for you. He has to prove that. How does he prove that to your satisfaction?”
I shrugged. “He has told me he’s wanted to be here with us before, but when he left Brookdale, he didn’t come back.”
“That’s when the lawyer’s letters started,” she reminded me. “Then that’s how you know if he’s changed or not. If he tells you he’s going to be here and he stays here, then you know.”
“He’s going to have to go back to the city at some point. That’s where his business is. That’s where his home and belongings are.”
“He can always make arrangements for somebody else to pack his stuff and ship it up to him,” she suggested.
“What if he tells me he has to leave?”
“Then he also has to tell you exactly when he’ll be back. Lydia, you have to know in your heart whether or not he’s going to be good to his word. You have to decide whether you’re going to forgive him for his past actions. You have to decide if he’s worth fighting for.”
“What does that even mean?” I asked.
“Are you willing to argue with him to fight for your relationship and your family? Or do you just let him get away with actions that hurt you?”
“But my fam…” I stopped before I could finish saying, ‘but my family is gone.’ My family was in her arms at this very moment. My family was out digging in the snow with Mayor Dan.
“I think I understand what you’re saying. If I’m going to trust him to come back, then I need to be able to pitch a fit and insist that he come back.”
“Exactly. Now you’re getting it,” she said. “If you want this little guy’s father to stay in the picture, you make sure you let him know that you expect him to make sacrifices for this child and for you. You deserve all the happiness you want, and if that means you want that from Miles, then don’t be afraid to tell him. We’re the same age, so I’m no wiser than you are, but you’ve got to have noticed by now that men are kind of dumb.”
I laughed. “You have no idea.”
“And you would think someone as old as Miles would know better by now. I suspect he hasn’t been married or had kids by now because he hasn’t figured it out yet. You have to be the one to help him figure it out. At the same time, you have to be willing to listen so that you can meet his needs too. Communication is key.”
“Communication, talking, so I don’t do things like not tell my best friend for four months that I’m pregnant?”
“Yeah, don’t do that to me again. Please. I wouldn’t have been mad at you. I was so excited when you finally let me know.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing.” I rested my head on her shoulder. I think we were both crying a little at this point. “How did you get to be so smart?”
“I read a lot. We’re all just making it up as we go, anyway. You don’t have to go it alone. You have people who love you and this little baby.”
“Do you really think Miles loves me?”
She nodded slowly. “As much as that man aggravates me, I think he adores you. And I think you need to be together.”
“What about the whole thing with his company and taking over the town?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s what Dan is taking care of right now. He’s a lot smarter than he lets people think he is. On the surface, he’s just a friendly guy, the town dad. He’ll help you change the oil in your car, but also make sure you know how to do it for next time.”
I groaned. “And his bad jokes. Those are Dad jokes, right?” I didn’t remember having a dad, so I wasn’t certain.
“The cornier, the better,” Evie admitted.
“Do you know what his plan is?” I asked.
“Whose plan? Dan’s? Not a clue. Half the time, I don’t even think Mayor Dan knows what his plan is. He somehow makes it all work.”
“Or that’s what he wants us to think.” Would Miles even be aware that Dan was manipulating him?
I understood what Evie was saying. This was one of those times I had to trust that everything would work out—Dan getting Miles to do something, Miles being here like he kept saying he would.
Even though Miles and I had a contentious start to this family we suddenly found ourselves in, if I trusted that we would make it, maybe that’s all I needed to keep going.