Chapter Eleven #2
“Memory is a strange thing. Sometimes you remember something completely random and forget the important stuff. Like the people you love.” Mallory had been emotional since visiting Nan earlier.
She hadn’t expected this all to be so hard.
Some part of her thought she should be grateful.
She still had time with Nan. It wasn’t like Nan was snatched in a moment.
It would be a long good-bye versus the kind of exit that didn’t give loved ones a chance for real closure.
This wasn’t easy though. It was maybe the hardest thing Mallory had ever gone through. “How’s the new foster dog?”
“He’s coming along. Learning to trust me.”
Mallory tilted her head, letting her hair brush along her shoulder. “I’m guessing maybe you’re the first owner to treat him well.”
Hollis expelled an audible breath. “Except I’m not his owner. I’m temporary.”
Mallory shrugged. “You don’t have to be.”
“A dog trainer who takes in rescues needs to have boundaries. Can’t keep ’em all.
” A light shone in Hollis’s eyes when he talked about his dogs.
Mallory admired his passion. A passion that visibly lit up a person was rare.
Nursing used to be that for her, but admittedly she was in the thick of burnout.
Nursing colleagues had warned her of caregiver burnout for years, and she’d always said it wouldn’t happen to her. She’d considered herself invincible.
Surprise. She wasn’t.
Working long hours and feeling like there were invisible chains strapped to her, preventing her from caring for her patients the way she wanted to, had taken their toll.
“How’s the plan for the new business going?
I know you said you were planning to purchase a building and open full-time next year. ”
The light in his eyes dimmed just slightly. “Working on it. But, well, Matt needs help with the crew. I hate to leave him high and dry.”
“High and dry? You’ve given ample warning, and there are lots of people around here eager to work.”
“Maybe so.”
“You’d still work Pop’s Farm though, right?”
Hollis shrugged. “As long as Pop has a say. If it were up to Matt, the tree farm would have been sold off by now though. He hasn’t said it in so many words, but he’s annoyed that I’m keeping it going for Pop.
He’d rather take the property to expand his construction business.
We need a warehouse and a place for more equipment and trucks. ”
The injustice of selling someone’s life work angered Mallory. “Bloom needs Pop’s tree farm.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Just like Bloom needs Nan’s community theater.”
Mallory’s argument caught in her throat. He was right. She was considering the same thing that Matt was. “Why does growing up have to involve so much change and compromise?”
Hollis massaged a hand on his forehead. “The other night, Matt invited me to a consultation on a project scheduled for next year. As if I haven’t told him a half-dozen times that I’m starting my business in the new year. He actually laughed when I reminded him about my plans.”
That didn’t sound like the Matt that Mallory knew. Matt was a great guy.
“Guess he thought I was kidding. Or maybe it was genuinely funny to him. He’s always harped on how proud he is of building his business from the ground up. He did it. Pop did it. They’re man enough to make it happen, but I’m not.”
Mallory placed a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, you are. Make him understand that you’re serious. Sit him down and make him listen.”
Hollis met her eyes. Between the touch and shared gaze, she forgot to breathe for a moment. “That was my plan this week,” he said. “I even rehearsed what I was going to say.”
“And?”
“And Matt sprung the news on me that he plans to retire in the spring.” Hollis’s expression was pained.
“And he wants to leave the construction business to me. The whole company to me, a kid that no one ever really believed would amount to anything, a foster care kid from juvenile detention that everyone assumed would end up in prison as an adult.” He laughed, even though they both knew it wasn’t funny.
“Not everyone.” She removed her hand from his shoulder. “He, um, must trust you if he’s planning to leave you his business.”
Hollis nodded. “I’ve never earned someone’s trust like that. The idea of breaking it…” He released a long, pent-up breath. “I don’t want to do that. I won’t.”
“But you deserve to do what makes you happy. You deserve to live your own life and have your own dream.”
Hollis cleared his throat. “Do I? Esther Woods doesn’t even think I deserve a part in Nan’s play.”
Mallory gritted her teeth. She had half a mind to take Esther’s role away from her. Esther didn’t deserve a spot if she was so ready to treat others the way she had Hollis the other night. “Anything wrong you’ve done in your past was just the actions of a wounded kid who deserved a family.”
“A family that I finally got when Matt and Sandy welcomed me into their home. Which is why I’m going to work construction for the rest of my life.
Dogs are a hobby. Anyways…” Hollis headed toward the door to leave.
“I need to get back to Duke and Buster.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You going home too?”
“In a bit.”
“You okay here by yourself?” He flicked his gaze around the room and then at the ceiling. “You’re not scared of the theater’s ghost?”
Mallory let out an unexpected laugh. “I don’t believe in ghosts. I do believe in the living though. To include you.”
“And I believe in Mallory Blue. In fact, the girl I remember used to love this theater. She’s half the reason I came here every day after school.”
“Really?” Mallory asked.
Hollis shook his head. “No.”
The moment of silence was just long enough to make Mallory feel foolish for thinking he was being real.
“She’s the entire reason I spent every afternoon here.” He stepped out and closed the door before Mallory could respond. She wasn’t sure she could say anything anyway. She was speechless.
Then, as if maybe there was a ghost in the theater after all, her bag beside her fell over and Nan’s journal slid out.
Instead of packing as planned, Mallory sat in the dark and opened the book to where she’d left off.
Her focus was fragmented though, split between the journal’s pages, her mixed emotions about Hollis, and the possibility that there might be a ghost in the attic.
The Wooden Heart Ornament
The Wooden Heart ornament is in a small pine box with brass hinges. This ornament is to be hung sixth from the top of your tree.
Here’s the story behind it.
It wasn’t until after my mother used most of her savings to her name to purchase the old mill to be my theater that we realized it was a hazard.
Even standing on the porch of the building meant risking your life because the place was all one breath from crumbling.
My mother cried and so did I. Here I was, pregnant and single.
Unemployed and the reason that my mother’s life savings was gone.
When I thought things were finally looking up, they got worse by a landslide.
I’m not sure who told Ralph about the theater, but there are no secrets in Bloom—not for long at least. Ralph was still being weird around me, not that I could blame him.
“I’ll rebuild the entire building myself,” he told my mother. “Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
“I can’t pay…” she said.
“I wouldn’t let you anyway.” He didn’t hesitate. Somewhere between the time I’d been gone, he’d grown from an almost-man to a full-blown man. A good one too. Someone else’s man. “I’ll do it free of charge.”
“You’re trying to win my daughter back?” my mother asked, suspicious as ever.
“There are no conditions to me helping you and Nan. Nan and I may be over, but I still care about her. Let me help.”
My mother agreed, and she made sure I knew I didn’t owe Ralph anything.
I didn’t even owe it to him to tell him he was the father of my baby.
I didn’t want him to feel stuck with me.
I knew that if he found out I was carrying our child, he would come back to me.
I also knew that I had hurt him. It was a mess of my own making. A wrecking ball of my own choosing.
The following week, Ralph and a few of his friends showed up at the old mill and tore it down.
They made a party of it, a bunch of young men taking out their worries and stress by pulling a place apart bit by bit.
But then they built something new. Something greater.
It took three months of them all working after hours when they weren’t at their paying jobs.
They worked hard and for free until my very own theater was complete.
The Bloom Community Theater. By the time it was done, I was wearing baggy clothing. I’m sure people were talking.
As I looked out on the building that had grown along with my belly, my eye caught a smooth wood piece.
Smooth as stone. Perfectly carved. My mind immediately went to earlier that day, around noon, when Ralph had sat on the bottom step, whittling a piece of scrap wood.
He always had a pocketknife handy. It wasn’t easy to bend over, not these days, but I lowered myself to sit on that same step, and I reached for the wood piece in the shape of a heart.
Before I knew it, I was smiling, my thumb running over the trinket that Ralph had left in the dirt. It felt like a treasure.
Picking it up, I studied it. The size. The weight.
“Looks like you found it.”
I looked up, surprised to find Ralph standing there, watching me. “Oh. Yeah.” Without thinking, I lifted the wooden heart carving toward him.
He pushed it back in my direction. “You keep it.”
This is a moment I’ve often looked back on.
“Thank you for this.” Tears flooded my eyes, and the flood of emotion brought with it a wave of nausea. I covered my mouth with one hand. I probably looked green because the next thing I knew, Ralph was holding out a mint.
“Want one?” he asked.
“No. No, no, no.” I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away, feeling the bitter taste of bile in my mouth. You would have thought he’d dangled something vile in front of me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw his concern.
“Sorry. I remember how Jillian was when she was pregnant,” he said quietly.
Jillian was Ralph’s sister who’d had her first baby the year before.
The moment was awkward as we stood there staring at each other. I realized Ralph was comparing me to his pregnant sister.
The bile retreated to make way for my rush of adrenaline. “You know?” I asked.
He offered a brisk nod, avoiding eye contact. “I’ve known a while. I didn’t want to say anything until you were ready to talk about it.”
I placed a hand on my belly, feeling a host of emotions. Embarrassment. Shame. Anxiety. Hope. “I wanted to tell you.”
“I’m happy for you, Nan. I am.” His voice was quiet as he glanced around to make sure no one was overhearing.
“Really?” He didn’t look happy. Instead, he looked hollowed out and broken.
“Is the baby why you didn’t stay in New York?” he asked.
I rubbed my belly, trying to soothe my nerves.
“I guess I would have stayed longer if I wasn’t pregnant, but it would have only been to prove myself.
I would have stayed because I was too proud to admit how miserable I was there.
This baby is such a gift because it forced me to come home.
Which is exactly where I wanted to be just as soon as I made it to the big city. ”
I searched his face for any sign that he wanted us. That he was happy to realize he was going to be a father. My heart fell, taking jerky notches on a downward elevator whose wires were snapping one by one.
“Does the—does the father know?” Ralph finally asked.
At first, I couldn’t process the question. Then I realized that no, the father didn’t know. In Ralph’s mind, I had found someone to replace him as soon as I’d gone to New York. Did he think I’d had a one-night stand?
The realization felt like a slap in the face. He knew me. He was the only man I’d ever been with, and it had taken months of dating for our first time together to even happen. Did he think I had changed that much?
“You could have told me,” he said. “I’m guessing it’s hard keeping a secret.”
“I wanted to.” There was still more to tell. My mother had told me I didn’t owe him the truth, but I did. I owed it to him and our child. “I… well, I…”
He cleared his throat and looked off into the distance.
“I know how it must look to you. Me dating a friend of yours so soon after… us.” He looked at me again.
As he met my gaze, I saw something in his expression.
It wasn’t something I was used to seeing in Ralph.
“The guys told me the quickest way to get over a broken heart is to jump back into the pond.” A laugh tumbled off his lips, but it seemed more sad than humorous.
“Anyway, her father offered me a job, and I guess I got carried away. We’re getting married next month. ”
The wooden heart fell out of my hand, hitting the dirt at my feet.
“You’ve moved on,” he said, looking down at my midsection and then away.
I watched him swallow slowly and then return to look at me again.
“I want you to know that I’m not mad at you.
I don’t hold whatever happened up there against you.
” His eyes softened. “And if I hadn’t promised myself to someone else, I’d probably try to step in and play the part. ”
Play the part. As if this were one big stage.
He clearly knew I was pregnant and clearly thought the baby was someone else’s. It stung. Not that there was anything wrong if that was the truth, but I hadn’t jumped into another pond to get over him. I wasn’t over him.
“I don’t need a pity dad for my baby,” I found myself saying, rising to my feet.
Ralph took a step backward. “Is the father going to help?”
This was the moment. I’m not sure what came over me, but the lie rolled out, fully formed. “He’s an actor. Very talented. He doesn’t want to be involved, and I’m fine with that. Like I said, I don’t want or need a pity daddy.”
Ralph seemed at a loss for words. Then he nodded, as if everything I said had made perfect sense. “Well, I’m here. No matter what. Whatever you need, I’ll always be here.”
It took every ounce of energy I had to hold back the sobs that wanted to rip out of me. They could wait until later when I was alone in my room.
Crouching, he bent and picked up the wood carving and unfolded my fingers to place it in my palm. “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Nan.”