Chapter 10
ten
RUBY
Tears fill my eyes as I race away from Maddox. We didn’t do anything wrong but I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me like we used to—in secret. I haven’t thought of Maddox Whitworth like this in years, not since before Joel and I got together, but since he came back into town yesterday, he’s all I can think about.
Turning down a side street, I lean against the brick building. My heart is racing and my hands are clammy. Tilting my head back, I stare up at the night sky. The twinkling stars are laughing down at me for being a fool. I’m marrying another man in a couple of weeks but here I am, upset my first love didn’t kiss me properly under the mistletoe. “I’m certifiably crazy,” I mumble to myself.
Banging my head against the brick wall, I berate myself for being stupid and upset.
With my heart rate under control, I know it’s time to get back but it’s flipping cold where I’m hiding.
Pushing off the wall, I take a deep breath and exhale. Nodding to myself, I exit my hiding spot and decide to head back to the fair .
Stepping around the corner, I slam into a muscular chest with a thud and without looking up, I know who it is. Maddox’s scent invades my nose and that guilt from before slams into me once again. “Maddox,” I breathlessly whisper.
“You okay, Reindeer?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I?—”
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Shaking my head, I rest my hand on his forearm. “It’s not you, it’s me. I got caught up in the moment, and now I feel guilty.”
“Why do you feel guilty?”
“Because we nearly kissed and I’m engaged.”
“We—” But before he can finish his sentence, Sab finds us.
“There you two are. Where did you race off to?”
“Nowhere,” I tell her but from the skeptical look on her face, she doesn’t believe me. Hell, I don’t even believe me. Ever since Maddox returned, my world has been turned upside down. It was already chaotic and now, it’s Grand Central Station chaotic.
“You ready to head home? I’m kinda beat.”
“Sure,” I reply, “but please tell me we can drink wine until we fall into a coma when we get there?”
“As long as we can pair it with dark chocolate, popcorn, and pajamas.”
“Deal.”
Without another word, we head toward Sab’s car and after dropping Maddox off, we head back to her rented cottage. As soon as we step inside, we change into our jammies and we proceed to drink copious amounts of red wine. We demolish a bar of dark chocolate—each—and half a bag of salty popcorn.
It does little to ease my guilt but it does cause me to fall into a deep sleep, where I once again dream of my faceless man. Unlike last time, I don’t wake with my fingers in my panties but said panties are damp with arousal and my heart is racing. “Who are you?” I mumble to myself.
Climbing out of bed, I slip my feet into my slippers, pull on my robe, and shuffle into the kitchen for a glass of water. Guzzling the cool liquid down, I walk over to the bay window and stare out at the early morning sky. Dropping to my butt, I plop down onto the window seat and pull my legs up. Hugging my legs, I gaze out at the water. The sun is just peeking over the horizon, and the sky is beginning to lighten. I wish my mind would lighten. I can’t turn my brain off, and my thoughts flick from one item to another and back again.
I’m exhausted from the constant thinking.
Not even my book is calming my mind; that’s how worked up I am. Usually, I can lose myself in my book, but as soon as I get to a romantic part, my mind drifts off. If I’m not imagining my faceless man, it’s Maddox or Joel. Hell, I think I even thought about my own harem of men and as much as that was hot, I was slammed with guilt. I should be dreaming of a life with my fiancé, not getting railed by three hot men at one time—even if my fiancé was one of the men railing me. It’s wrong, plain and simple. No matter how hot it was, I should be focusing on Joel and the wedding.
“Why are you up so early?” The sound of Sab’s voice startles me, and I bang my head on the wall.
“Shit,” I hiss, rubbing the back of my skull. “You scared me.”
“You were a million miles away.”
“Just thinking.”
“About?” she asks, climbing onto the seat across from me.
“Everything.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Looking over at my best friend, I know I can tell her anything and it will stay in the vault, but I can’t discuss this with her. And it’s not just because she doesn’t know about Maddox and me from years ago, it’s because I’m ashamed of myself. Here I am lusting over another man and a faceless dream man when I have a fiancé who loves me unconditionally. So I go with the safe option of, “Just nervous about the wedding.”
“I know the feeling,” she says, and I know she isn’t just saying that. I remember how jittery she was in the lead-up to her wedding. Eamon is her everything and from the moment those two hooked up, it was game over. They were each other’s firsts and they will be each other’s lasts. If two people were meant to be, it’s Eamon and Sabrina. And I want that too. “You remember how nervous I was and, if I’m honest, the last two weeks before my wedding were hell.”
“You never told me that. I knew you were stressed, but I didn’t know it was hell.”
“I hid that from everyone.”
“Why?”
“I honestly don’t know,” she says. “I wanted more than anything to be Mrs. Eamon McMahon, but at times I felt like it was dragging. Then I made that stupid pact where we wouldn’t sleep together before the big day, and I became this horny, ragey person.”
“No wonder Bridezilla was so zilla-ey, you were in heat too.”
“Right?” She laughs. “Whatever you do, do not take sex off the table before you marry Joel. You need that release, and we all know a good fuck does wonders for the soul.”
“Where do you come up with this shit?”
“Facebook,” she casually replies, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“So what you’re saying is I need to fuck Joel and then everything will be fine in the world once again?”
“You never know, and if it doesn’t work, at least you got laid. Coffee? ”
Without waiting for a reply, she jumps up and heads into the kitchen. Leaving me to ponder her words and maybe she’s right. Joel and I just need some us time, but trying to lock him down at the moment is like trying to get The G-team not to gossip—aka impossible.