Chapter 19
nineteen
RUBY
After putting my groceries away, I jump into the shower to freshen up. I quickly shave my legs, shampoo my hair, and add the conditioner. While that does its thing, I soap up my body. My nipples are sensitive when I run my soapy hands over them, and a tingle begins to develop between my thighs. Tilting my head back, I begin to rinse the conditioner out and realize I’m nervous for tonight. I don’t know why, it’s just Maddox. He and I have had dinner plenty of times over the years so this is no different … but it is. I’m starting to see him in a different light, again, but it doesn’t matter because I’m marrying Joel. Plus, he and I had our shot when I was nineteen, and as amazing as it was, it just wasn’t meant to be. A few weeks after I got back to college, I met Joel and the rest is history, until now. We just seem so far apart right now, but I’m sure once the stresses of the wedding and Christmas are over, he and I will find our groove again.
Everything will be fine and dandy, but why do I suddenly feel like I’m making the wrong choice?
I was so excited and happy, but ever since Maddox crashed back into town and my life, everything feels off .
Maybe I feel off because I haven’t had an orgasm since my dream with the faceless man the other night. Now is as good of a time as any. Turning around, I lean against the tile wall and slide my hand down my body and between my thighs. Circling my clit, a moan slips free as the pressure begins to build. I badly need a release and now the fuse has been lit, there’s no stopping it now. Pressing my finger into my slit, I push it inside myself and plunge it in and out. On every other stroke, I pull all the way out to play with my clit. With my other hand, I massage and caress my breasts. Squeezing my nipple, I drop my head back and give myself over to the pleasure.
“Yes,” I pant as my release approaches.
Shuffling around, I lift my leg up onto the shower bench, opening myself up and allowing me to press two fingers into me. Hooking them around, I press on that magic spot deep inside and with a guttural groan, I cry out as my orgasm unleashes.
Goosebumps dot my skin and every nerve ending lights up as I ride out my release.
Dropping down onto the shower seat, I catch my breath. My chest heaves as I suck in oxygen after holding my breath while I came. When I come back to Earth, I rewash myself and then I climb out. Drying off, I pull on my panties and bra. Grabbing my moisturizer off the counter, I walk over to the window bench and sit down. Lifting my leg up, I rub cream into my newly shaved legs and massage my feet, letting out a moan when I hit the spot in the arch of my foot before slipping on my socks. Standing up, I step into my leggings and a Christmas sweater and sweep my hair up into a messy bun.
Putting the cream away, I walk out of my bedroom and head over to the dining table. I stop and stare at the mess before me. My eyes well with tears again, and the anger I have for Joel resurfaces. He should be here and I hate that he’s not .
A knock at the door interrupts my pity party. Taking a deep breath, I wipe at my eyes and head over to open it. “Hey,” I say in greeting, a shiver wracks through my body as a gust of wind blows behind Mad. “Shit, it’s cold out there.”
“It is winter,” Maddox replies as he kicks off his boots in my entryway.
“Let me take that,” I offer as he struggles to shuck off his coat.
“I got it.” He smiles and somehow manages to remove his jacket one-handed and hang it up on the hook. “Where’s the kitchen?”
“Follow me.” He nods. Turning, I walk down the short hallway and I can feel his eyes on me.
“Nice tree,” he says as he places the bag he was holding down on the kitchen counter.
“Thanks. I’m pretty happy with it.”
“You should be. It’s beautiful and I love the red-and-green theme you have going on.”
“It’s cliché going with red and green but there’s something about the colors that scream Christmas, and this year I wanted it to be really Christmassy.”
“I get that. I felt off until my decorations were up. It was actually the first thing I did after unpacking.”
“So you still really love Christmas, huh?” I ask him, as I get out a pan and pot for him.
“Yep, what’s not to love?”
A chuckle escapes me because he’s not wrong. Christmas is my favorite time of year too, hence why I’m getting married at Christmas. From the snow—yes, I know I’m weird loving it—to the smells: cinnamon, peppermint, pine and pinecones, vanilla, chocolate, the scents are endless. Then there’s family and friends coming together to enjoy a meal and the sharing of presents. It’s a magical time of year, and no one can change my mind.
“You don’t have to try and convince me, Mad. Now, what can I do to help?”
“Nothing, just sit your pretty little ass down, drink some zinfa-blah-blah, and chat to me while I work.”
“I can do all of that. Would you like a glass of zinfa-blah-blah, as you call it?”
“I’ll have a taste since I’ve never tried it before.”
“Ohhh, I get to pop your zinfandel cherry.”
“We seem to like popping each other’s cherries,” he says with a cheeky smile. My cheeks heat as I remember the moment he’s referring to…
… Sab hit the mulled wine at the tree lighting festival hard tonight, and on an empty stomach, which was a recipe for disaster. After cleaning up her vomit-stained clothes, Maddox and I put her to bed. Once she’s sound asleep, he offers to walk me home. Eagerly I nod and he offers me his hand. He laces our fingers together and pulls me out of Sab’s room.
We sneak through the house, not wanting to wake Mr. and Mrs. Whitworth. He helps me into my jacket before he puts his on. We slip out the back door into the dark of night and, once again, he takes my hand. We walk across the yard and over to the gate next to the garage.
Maddox is staying in the room above the garage because his mom turned his old bedroom into a craft room, not thinking about when her son would come back to visit. He happily agreed to stay in the garage apartment, even if it’s colder than hell up there this time of year.
Pulling on my hand, he stops us by the stairs up to his apartment and before I know what’s happening, he’s pressing me into the side of the garage and he’s kissing me. Just like our kiss last night, he pushes his tongue into my mouth and I push mine into his. If I thought our last kiss was amazing, this one is fan-fucking-tabolous but as quickly as it starts, he stops.
He rests his forehead against mine, breathlessly panting. “Do you wanna hang out for a little longer?”
Nodding my head, I swallow deeply before he laces our fingers together and we make our way up the stairs to his apartment.
Unlocking the door, he flicks a light on and steps aside for me to enter. Brushing past him, I step inside. I’ve only taken a few steps when he grips my wrist and like downstairs, just before, he presses me into the wall beside the now closed front door and kisses me. Draping my arms over his shoulders, I pull him into me and deepen the kiss and our connection. Sliding his leg between mine, he rubs it against my pussy, applying pressure to my clit. A moan slips out of my mouth as I rub myself back on him.
“Please,” I murmur against his lips.
“Please what, Reindeer?”
“I …” But I don’t finish my sentence; I’m embarrassed to ask for what I want. I’m embarrassed to admit I’m a virgin.
“Look at me,” he demands.
Lifting my gaze to his, I stare into his chocolate-brown orbs and I fall deeper in lust with my best friend’s older brother. Ever since our kiss last night, he’s all I’ve been able to think about. Kissing Maddox is better than I ever imagined. “Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”
“I … I want you to make love to me, but umm ? —”
“Umm, what?” he interrupts me.
“I’m a virgin,” I whisper. I drop my gaze to the floor, unable to look at him to see his reaction at my confession.
Reaching out, he places his finger under my chin and lifts my head up. “I’d be honored to pop your cherry, Reindeer.” His eyes widen and I start to panic he’s changed his mind, but when he says, “ Shit, sorry, that wasn’t very romantic. What I should have said is I’d be honored to be your first.”
My heart turns to mush and I fall harder for him. This is it, I’m about to lose my virginity to the man I’ve been lusting over for years. This is a dream come true but at the same time, it can’t be real so I ask him, “Really?”
He nods and smiles in that way that sets me ablaze. “And, Reindeer, I’m going to make it a moment you’ll never forget.”
My eyes widen at his declaration, but his words warm me from the inside out.
I’d always dreamed Maddox Whitworth would take my virginity, and my dream is about to come true, but I know him. He’s going to make it even more memorable than I ever thought possible because that’s the kind of person he is. He’d do anything for those he loves and right now, he’s about to give me something I will remember forever.
“You’re blushing,” he says, the sound of his voice snaps me back to the present.
“I was just thinking about the night you popped my cherry.”
“That was the night that started it all.”
“Actually, when you kissed me beforehand was when it all started.”
“You kissed me,” he defends.
“Uhhh uh, you kissed me, Maddox.”
“Well, let’s agree to disagree. Now, you get the wine and I’ll start on our dinner before we tackle the wedding thank-yous.”
The mention of the wedding thank-yous is like being splashed with a bucket of freezing cold water. How can I be lusting over one man when I’m marrying another?