Arwen
My dearest Milly,
I have something so awful to tell you that I will have to lead up to it by degrees, but I have certainly paid a heavy price for my three days of freedom.
Cosmo returned on Sunday evening. He and Mr Jones have found several men and women willing to move here to work in the new pottery, some permanently and others just to train the local people. They will take lodgings for them in the village and in St Melangell.
Cosmo asked me what I had been doing and I told him that I had been painting outdoors in oils for the first time.
He seemed satisfied with this and suggested that I show him the fruits of my labours the next day.
He and Mr Jones would be busy in the morning, but he would come to the studio after lunch.
I took the opportunity to go out again, but just to walk and breathe in the fresh air, for the day was dull and a fine mist of rain had made my early morning expedition a damp and short one, full of troubled thoughts.
I very much feared that, gossip spreading so quickly here about even the smallest things, word of my expedition into St Melangell might very soon come to Cosmo’s ears.
He was not at lunch, but when I went to the studio afterwards, one look at his face told me that the worst had happened.
The extent of his cold anger was daunting: he said I had broken my word to him – which in fact I had never given!
– and demanded to know exactly whom I had spoken to and what I had said to them, which I angrily told him I would not do.
Nor, when he then forbade me to go into St Melangell alone in future, did my refusal to agree to an edict so ridiculous make him any less irate.
But it was when I told him that he was behaving like a Victorian papa that he became quite white with fury and demanded to know if there was some young man there who had taken my fancy, to make me so rebellious!
When I laughed scornfully and said no, of course not, he took me by the shoulders and said grimly that he hoped not, for I must by now be aware that he had a regard for me that made him jealous of other suitors!
I was still staring at him aghast at these words, when he added that I had given him certain encouragement to believe this was not unwelcome to me!
I was so stunned with horrified amazement at this that I could not speak – and then, the most awful thing – he pulled me so close I could not escape him and kissed me, extremely roughly!
I struggled, although to no avail, but wrenched myself away the moment he loosened his hold.
Deeply shocked, I stammered that I had never thought of him in that way, or encouraged him to think I had, so that his advances were repellent to me. He just laughed, his good humour seemingly restored, and said I was a tease.
Then he said that he had not meant to speak to me so soon, for my being so young and his ward made his position difficult.
I had regained my wits – and my temper – by this time, and told him that any encouragement he thought he had received from me was a figment of his imagination, for I had never thought of him in that light, and never would.
He said, with an odiously complacent smile, that I protested too much, but that he shouldn’t have spoken of it yet … It was just the thought of me encouraging other men, and he would say no more about it for the present.
Then he flicked my cheek with his finger in that casual and annoying way he has and added, ‘After all, you did agree with me that a marriage of mutual affection and interests was one that worked well, and isn’t that the kind all you modern young women want?’
Then he looked at his watch and told me he had to get back to the pottery and would look at the work I had done in his absence on the morrow.
I had to go out and walk about the clifftop, I was so agitated, and the damp air was soothing to my blazing cheeks.
Milly, I swear I have never given him the least hint that advances of that kind would be welcome to me. How on earth could he think so? Can he truly love me or does he simply mean to secure me as an assistant to his work, who can never leave or speak out about what is happening?
When I was calmer I went back to the house and to my room, but was not left in peace for long. To my surprise, Bea soon followed me there.
Bright spots of colour burned in her cheeks and her dark blue eyes, so like Cosmo’s, were fixed on me with positive venom.
She told me she had come to the studio with a message in time to witness the kiss and drawn back behind the heavy leather screen that stood in front of the studio door, blocking the view to the model’s dais.
Of course, she thought I had encouraged her papa and was a designing hussy who wanted nothing more than to marry him.
It took me quite some time to disabuse her mind of this idea and convince her that I had been totally shocked and revolted by the kiss and his misreading of my emotions towards him, a man so much older than myself and in a position of authority over me.
Eventually, I convinced her that my one desire was to get away from Triskelion and her papa, once I had thought up a plan that would free me from the threat of being dragged back – or of my friends being prosecuted for helping me.
In the end I had to tell her I was madly in love with Edwin, and we wished to marry, before she was entirely convinced!
Could you explain this to Edwin, with my apologies, and warn him that if he should meet her when you are visiting, he must pretend we are madly in love!
But only in front of Bea, of course. Anything else would be disastrous.
Bea says she will help me all she can to escape and I told her about your projected visit at the end of the month and how much I would like to leave with you when you go.
She very frankly confessed that she had no more hope of marrying Mark and that since he seemed happy to settle at Castle Newydd for the rest of his life, she no longer wished to do so.
So she, too, must escape – once she had removed the threat of my marriage to her papa and losing her status as his sole heiress.
When I was out of the way, she would renew her entreaties to be allowed to go to London, where she was sure she could catch herself a husband, which seems to be her sole ambition, and since she is as much trapped here as I am, I hope she succeeds.
In return for her help, I have promised to do all I could for her, if I have any opportunity.
I felt somewhat comforted by having an ally, even one like Bea, which fortified me a little when I went down to dinner.
I had been dreading seeing Cosmo again, but he behaved in so usual a fashion that I might almost have imagined the whole of that dreadful scene.
I made my escape early, pleading a headache so I could write this letter to you.
I long even more to see you – and to find some way of escape, for I am feeling even more desperate to do so!
Your loving friend,
Arwen