Chapter 22 Jacob
Jacob
On Sunday morning Jacob did a little tidying up around his flat, deciding to clean behind some cupboards, pull out the bed and search for spiders, practically anything he could think of rather than call the number Lisa had given him and ask Charlotte if she knew how he could get in touch with Clarice Toad.
He pulled up the number on his phone, which he had added to his contacts list under Charlotte Harding new CH volunteer, as though to put anything else was to assume a level of familiarity which suggested their relationship was closer than the current non-event.
It was amazing the things he could find to do to avoid making the call.
His shower needed to be grouted, and a couple of socks needed darning.
He even found time to shovel the snow on the pavement outside his house, and on the pavement in front of the next five buildings along.
Then there was time to call the hospital to ask for an update on Nora—no change, but she was still stable—and Rita, who told him an elongated version of what the doctor had said—and then time to browse online for any new updates on the closure of the assisted living facility, which in reality, hadn’t offered assisted living at all.
By the time he had done all these things—plus rearrange his sock drawer, something he’d been meaning to do for some time—it was time to go over to his mother’s for Sunday lunch, and there was no time left to call Charlotte.
Still, it could wait until the evening, and if he ran out of time then, perhaps tomorrow morning.
He was starting to feel a little pressure though: Aunt Marjorie needed the position filled as soon as possible, and if Clarice Toad wasn’t available, she would need to advertise.
‘I’m on it,’ Jacob had assured her. And he really, really was.
His mother was pleased to see him as always, and they enjoyed a nice meal together, roast chicken with all the trimmings.
Afterwards, Jacob, who had walked rather than risk riding his bike in the snow, cleared the snow off her path and the pavement in front of her house, then took some time to hang fairy lights in the front garden.
The little street was starting to look really festive, especially now that Mr. Davis at the far end had put an illuminated solar-powered Father Christmas in his front garden.
He had also invited Jacob’s mother over for Christmas Eve drinks along with the rest of the terrace’s residents, which put Jacob at ease since he had committed to help Aunt Marjorie run the tearoom stall at the Sycamore Park Christmas festival.
Before heading home, they had a final cup of tea in Julie’s room, sitting with the curtains open, watching the snow falling outside.
‘I’ve never seen anything like this before,’ Julie said. ‘It’s just never ending, isn’t it?’
‘I saw on the news that they think it’s going to last until New Year,’ Jacob said. ‘We’d best enjoy it. It’ll probably be raining again next Christmas.’
Julie patted him on the knee. ‘You know what they say about Christmas, don’t you? It’s a perfect time for romance. Perhaps it’ll be your turn this year?’
Jacob felt his neck going hot, and tugged at the collar of his sweater. ‘I’m much too busy.’
‘Come on, Jacob, I don’t think I’ve got all that much time left, what with all this medication. I mean, I’m not hoping for a Christmas miracle, but I’d love to see you married at least before I pop my clogs. Or at least, you know, go on a date? How long’s it been since you last had a girlfriend?’
‘You sound like Aunt Marjorie and Daphne.’
‘I’d hope that I sound more like your mother than either of them, seeing that I am your mother. But of course we discussed your love life—or complete lack of it—the last time we all got together for coffee.’
‘That must have been a thrilling conversation.’
Julie chuckled. ‘There wasn’t much to say. We all appreciate how much you do for the community, but what about doing something for yourself for once?’
‘I do loads of things for myself.’
‘Getting a Netflix subscription doesn’t count.’
‘Well, I might buy myself a new shirt for Christmas.’ He shrugged. ‘Although it would be cheaper if I wait until January.’
Julie chuckled again. ‘Jacob, I despair of you. Come on, every mother wants to see their son happy, and I’m not sure that you are.’
‘I’m happy, Mum.’
‘Your words say it but your eyes don’t. I know you, Jacob. I was the first person to look into your eyes, remember?’
Jacob sighed. ‘There’s a lot going on.’
‘Marjorie told me over the phone about this lady you helped. You know, you make me proud even without doing stuff like that, Jacob. But there are times when I could just burst. Considering your father, considering Bill, considering James … you came out all right, Jacob.’
‘I just … I don’t know, Mum. It’s just hard sometimes.’
‘Stop trying to change the world. All you can do sometimes is change your little corner of it, and that can spread and spread. But you can’t make others happy if you’re not happy yourself.’
‘There was … is … might be … a … um … girl,’ Jacob croaked.
Julie leaned forward. ‘Really?’
‘But it’s probably nothing.’
‘Oh, Jacob. How about just this time, you try to make that nothing into something? Have you got her number?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, just call her. Life’s too short and then we die. Just do it, before it’s too late.’
He walked halfway home before he could pluck up the courage to do it.
Half past four, standing in the dark beneath a deserted bus shelter on a quiet road between his mother’s house and the first lights of Brentwell, beneath a flickering streetlight and with snow pattering gently around him, Jacob finally mustered the courage.
His phone had ten percent battery. It would be a good excuse if it cut out.
His breath came in little gasps. His heart thundered so hard it was bruising the inside of his chest. He scrolled through the phonebook to Charlotte Harding new CH volunteer. Gritting his teeth and letting out a little growl of frustration, he pressed CALL.
It rang three times. He had decided to give up at five. Four … then: ‘Hello?’
‘Ah—’
‘Who is this?’
‘Jacob.’
A pause. Disappointment? He waited for the call to go dead.
‘Jacob? From the tearoom? And the children’s home?’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh. Hello.’
Her voice was so lovely he didn’t want her to stop talking, but when she paused he knew he had to say something back.
‘I’m sorry to call so late….’
‘It’s okay. I do have to go out in a moment, but I’ve got a couple of minutes.’
It was better than nothing. A couple of minutes talking to Charlotte was worth a lifetime talking to anyone else. He knew that with absolute certainty, although he wished he could be greedy and get a couple of hours.
‘Lisa at the children’s home gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind.’
‘Not at all.’
His heart could have given way. He had to sit down on the damp, dirty bus shelter seat just to stop himself falling over.
‘I just wanted to ask you … it’s a trivial thing, actually.’
‘I’m sure it’s not.’
Will you marry me? Like, right now? Over the phone would do. Anything. Take me out of this misery that’s my life and let me stand beneath the shining light of yours, you wonderful, wonderful thing.
‘I’m trying to get in touch with the … ah … mother of one of your pupils.’
‘Oh.’ A hint of disappointment. Perhaps she knew which ones were single, of an eligible age? But surely a hint of potential jealousy was a good thing? Was she jealous? Was he out of his mind? Was he was he was he—
‘Toad!’ he cried, with a little too much energy, then found himself gasping for a breath he had forgotten to take. ‘Mrs. Toad. Mrs. Clarice Toad? I’m trying to get in contact with … Mrs. … Toad.’
‘Oh, right.’ The optimism had returned. ‘Billy’s mother?’
‘Billy? Yes, Billy. Billy’s mother. Clarice … Toad.’
He wondered if he’d said her name enough times. Toad was starting to imprint itself on his tongue, when all he really wanted to say was Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte—
‘Charlotte?’
‘Yes?’ She let out a little laugh. She actually laughed. A real laugh. Jacob started to feel dizzy. He leaned back against the glass wall of the bus shelter.
‘Sorry. I mean … Charlotte … I’m trying to get in touch with Billy’s mother.’
‘Sure. I don’t have her number on me, but if you pop over to the school tomorrow, maybe in the afternoon? I finish at about five. You might even catch her picking up Billy. Sometimes he stays late at the afterschool club if she has work. Jacob? Are you there?’
He’d been drifting off, caught in the lullaby of her voice. He snapped back to reality, tried to lift his head, and realised he couldn’t because a piece of gum stuck to the bus shelter wall had begun to melt under his body heat and had glued him to the Perspex.
‘Yes … I’m here. That sounds perfect.’
‘I mean, if you can’t make it, maybe I’ll see you at the children’s home on Wednesday? That’s when I’m next planning to go. Wednesday, around five-thirty. Would either of those times work?’
‘Absolutely.’ The gum was working itself into his hair.
‘Great. Well, I’ll see you at either of those times. I’ll make sure I save your number too, now that you’ve called. Sorry, I’ve really got to go.’
‘Thank you so much.’ He wanted to say her name one final time, just in case he was unable to escape the gum and ended up freezing to death here beneath this Brentwell to Willow River route bus shelter. ‘Charlotte.’
‘Jacob.’ She gave another chuckle. ‘See you soon.’
She hung up. Jacob wanted to die. He also wanted to scream with joy, but it was difficult to get a decent amount of air into his lungs when he couldn’t really move his head.