16. If that bothers you, wait until she calls the incubus ‘Father.’
SIXTEEN
If that bothers you, wait until she calls the incubus ‘Father.’
The SUV’s door opened, and Quinn laughed, a soft, gentle sound. “You can come out now. The smiting is all over. I have your documents, and those devil spawn are gone. I’m really, really sorry. I meant to get rid of them before Perkins got you moving.”
I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. “You called my parents. Hadn’t I told you they were assholes?”
“You hadn’t. I’d heard rumors about them, but I had no idea they were anywhere near as bad as I’d been told.
They’re the absolute worst. My parents are infinitely superior, and they want to meet you.
” Quinn tugged at the blanket. “If you don’t come out, I just thought you should know I’m manly enough to carry you inside, blanket and all. ”
“That woman called the angel her dad, Quinn. I didn’t think angels had gender.”
“If that bothers you, wait until she calls the incubus ‘Father.’”
“Wait. What? Both of them? Is she adopted or something?”
“No, she’s really their daughter. When an angel falls in love with a human enough to have children, they need to ask an incubus or succubus for help. Since my grandfather loved my human grandmother, I ended up with an extra grandfather. Yes, it’s as weird as it sounds.”
“You’re part angel.”
“And part incubus, too.”
Well, that explained a few things. “But you look human.”
“On paper, I’m about as human as it gets, although I have a magic rating that exceeds the norms a little.”
Holy hell. Quinn really was my heaven and hell rolled together into one sexy package. “That couple in there. They’re your parents?”
“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t expecting them, either. I walked in and they were waiting for me, looking smug. They’re really, really good at that.”
The angel manifested in the seat beside me. “It really is safe to come out now.”
I screamed, launched out of the SUV, and ended up trapped in Quinn’s arms, half tangled in his blanket. “Y-y-you demonic angel! You did that on purpose.”
“Yes, I did. She is so much fun, little one.”
Quinn sighed and rested his forehead against me. “I told you angels were jerks.”
“I like her, little one. Marry her before she gets away. I didn’t go through so much trouble to watch you squander such a nice opportunity.” The angel disappeared in a column of golden light, and I clung to Quinn in case it—he—returned.
“Did he just say marry?”
“He may have.”
“Me, marry you?”
“You know, thinking about it, that would be nice. Then, if a gorgon even looks at you funny, I can assault him, too. No court would convict me for protecting my wife. I like it. Did you know that’s how gorgons solve disputes over lovers?
With violence. Lots of violence. Lots of violence I’d be legally allowed to participate in. I like it.”
Had Quinn hit his head? Had the angel smited him, too? I worried. “Uh, Quinn?”
“What?”
“You’re supposed to hate me when we’re not busy having amazing sex. I’m pretty sure that’s our relationship. We hate each other with moments when we lose all reason and end up in bed together.”
Quinn sighed. “Okay. I see we’re going to have to address this.
Yes, Bailey. I hate you so much I need to marry you so our mutual hatred can last the rest of our lives.
I heard you, you know. I very clearly heard you.
You said, ‘I just haven’t figured out how to get the bastard to marry me.
’ I’m calling you out. This is how you get the bastard to marry you.
You walk him into that courthouse—in handcuffs, if you really want—and march him in front of that vampire judge.
Then the bastard is forced to marry you.
If you really want, ask for a gun. I’m sure someone has one you can borrow for a few minutes.
Then the bastard will be forced to marry you at gunpoint. Aren’t I helpful?”
Crap. I had said that. Me and my big mouth got me in so much trouble. “Did I really say that?”
“You did. Be responsible, Bailey Gardener. You said it, so you have to marry me. Here. Now. It would make me really happy.”
My mind went blank. Quinn really wanted to marry me? He must have hit his head in the courthouse when the angel had smited my parents and done the scary angel halo thing. I didn’t believe it, not for an instant, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him out on it. “Do I get a real wedding later?”
Stupid mouth. Was there such a thing as a fake wedding? Well, there were bogus marriage certificates used to keep amorous gorgons away. Maybe a fake wedding was a little like one of those. Would I still get to sleep with Quinn if we had a fake wedding?
“Do you want one?”
Good question. Did I want a real wedding? I tried to imagine myself walking down an aisle in a white dress, and my brain promptly fizzled and went blank. To cover my complete inability to handle feminine issues, including the possibility of having a real wedding, I blurted, “I might!”
“If you want a real wedding, we’ll have a real wedding.”
Since that hadn’t been the answer I expected, I floundered again. “Here? Now? Us? Are you serious?”
“Here. Now. I need you to be mine. I never want to let a single gorgon even look at you again without being able to beat the living shit out of him and make him regret he ever saw you.”
Okay. Wow. Clearly Quinn needed to be educated on the reality of the situation.
“But me? Why me? Look at me. I wasn’t pretty before a bomb went off in my face.
I’m no model. Until earlier today, I scraped pennies to get by, and I didn’t exactly do a stellar job of it, either.
You could have any woman in the world. All you’d have to do is smile at her, waggle your finger, and ask. You’re that sexy.”
“There’s only one woman I want, Bailey. You.
When I’m an asshole, you tell me so. I’d say you’re afraid of nothing, but my grandfather scared you so much you ran and hid under my blanket.
You’re brave, and that scares the shit out of me.
When I watched that damned building burn, I was devastated.
I had sent you in there, and I thought I’d never see you again.
But then there you were, a sodden, shivering mess trapped in the rubble and so miserable, but you were alive.
I wanted to take you home, lock you up, and never let you out again so I could keep you safe. ”
“That’s crazy.” It was, too.
He made it sound like he actually loved me.
“You do that to me. You drive me crazy, and I love every minute of it. If I had known a woman like you existed, I never would have settled for someone like Audrey in the first place.”
There were so many things wrong with our situation I barely knew where to start addressing them. I went with the easiest one first. “But I’m a bitch, Quinn. I’ve never exactly been nice to you.”
“You’re joking, right? Have you looked at me?
An egotistical asshole like me needs a bitch like you.
You’re blunt. You’re honest. You’re prickly as hell.
You’re a lot of things, but you’re not weak.
I don’t scare you one bit. When I fuck up, you let me know.
You don’t back down. You don’t let me step on you.
Hell, maybe if we stay together long enough, we’ll just be two people with tough jobs trying to make the world a better place. ”
“Quinn, the romance section called. They’re looking for their lost stud again.”
He laughed. “Just shut up, stop complaining, and marry me.”
I had been right all along. I was in way too deep. “Well, then. Since you asked so nicely, how could I possibly refuse?”
An angel and an incubus in the same courtroom seemed like the start of a bad joke to me. Once I added the vampire judge, two cops serving as witnesses, and a crowd of mismatched supernatural, I ended up with a wedding.
My wedding.
A gorgon with coral snakes for hair sat in the front row talking with Quinn’s father.
The gorgon’s lack of sunglasses or a veil covering his head puzzled me.
Why wasn’t anyone a statue yet? The mysterious absence of petrified victims kept me staring at him longer than was socially acceptable.
Quinn caught me gawking and chuckled, nudging me with his elbow.
I ignored him. If he wanted me to be polite, he needed to do something about the centaur in the center row; she was playing with the gorgon’s coral snakes, cooing at them and kissing each one in turn. I was pretty sure she had named them and was determined to whisper sweet nothings to them all.
I suspected her genes had somehow contributed to Quinn’s existence, as I struggled to accept someone so beautiful existed in the world and shared the same air I breathed.
She also had Quinn’s dark hair and rich brown eyes.
A rational explanation surfaced, and I turned to Quinn, tugging on his sleeve. “Quinn?”
“Yes?”
“I think your grandfather smited me. I’m actually in the hospital dying. Again. I need to stop doing that.”
“Yes, you do. You’re not hallucinating. You’re watching my grandparents harass my father. It’s their biggest joy in life.”
Okay, I could handle an incubus and angel getting together with a human and somehow producing Quinn’s mother. I tried to imagine how a gorgon and a centaur produced a human. I couldn’t.
I returned to safer waters. “I’d like to point out that no one has been petrified yet. This concerns me.”
“Hey, Grandfather. Bailey is having trouble coming to terms with the fact you haven’t petrified anyone yet. I think it might be screwing around with her perception of reality. Don’t you keep a ready stock of stoner bait around?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.
Too often, those bored, high, or on some sort of drug sought out a gorgon to experience petrification.
Some liked it so much they became gorgon groupies, nicknamed stoner bait by the law enforcement officers tasked with keeping such incidents to a minimum.
Why was Quinn encouraging the gorgon with lethally venomous serpents on his head to petrify someone?