16. If that bothers you, wait until she calls the incubus ‘Father.’ #3
“We should use that on a card, Quinn. ‘Blah, blah, blah, till death do we part and some other crap.’ It’s brilliant.
” I snatched the pen. “Don’t we need some witnesses watching us sign this damned thing?
” I checked to make certain I was actually signing a marriage certificate before I scribbled my name on the appropriate line.
“I’m witnessing, and no one doubts an angel.” Sylvester stepped towards the brawl, reached out, and snagged the nearest body. He ended up with the gorgon. “I need you to sign this so the children can be married.”
Quinn took the pen and signed before making room for his grandfathers. Sylvester signed first. Instead of signing with the pen, the gorgon smeared his bloodied thumb over the page. It turned into a stone tablet.
“There. It is written in stone. Can’t be undone now. Deal with it.”
“He did that on purpose,” I blurted.
“It’s not a party without at least one petrification.” Sylvester, an angel and my new grandfather-in-law, shrugged. “I can’t argue. It is written in stone now. I guess I’ll give you your wedding present.”
He grabbed our left wrists. With an indignant, startled squawk, the vampire vanished.
Quinn sucked in a breath. “Shit. No, no, not the—”
Damned angels and their stupid Bailey-smiting halos.
I didn’t die, not even a little. All of heaven’s pretty stars danced and twinkled before my eyes, however. I sprawled over Quinn, who sighed his worn-out, patience-tested sigh. “You suck, Grandpa.”
Sylvester laughed and vanished in a column of golden light.
“Angels are jerks,” I slurred.
“Told you.”
“I can’t bolt like this, Quinn. I don’t think I can even crawl right now. I got smited at my own wedding.” I giggled. “We started our marriage with a bang.”
“And my wife’s first act as a married woman is to pun me. I haven’t even gotten a kiss yet.”
I was a wife. Huh. How had that happened? “I’m going to need a few minutes on this one. I wasn’t even used to being someone’s girlfriend yet. I don’t know how to be a wife.”
“Tip: have sex with me, and only me, often.”
“And there’s the rest of my life, having sex with a sinfully hot man. However will I cope?”
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Now that we’re married, shall we get a non-petrified copy to take to Clemmends?
Actually, two extra copies. I’m going to need to shove the first one down his throat.
Then I’m going to have to actually look at the laws regarding surrogates and figure out how we got played, because I’m pretty sure we got played, Bailey. ”
“You can’t attack the head of the CDC. He might have a real job for me.”
“I’m not sure I can obey that order. What if I want to? I need to protest his bullshit bogus bureaucracy.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be thanking him? He’s why we’re here. I’m on top of you, married to you, while your relatives brawl in a courthouse.”
Quinn scowled. “Can I thank him at the same time I shove the certificate down his throat?”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Quinn.”
Listening to him sigh in frustration made me unreasonably happy. “Can you walk yet?”
“If it means escaping without having to be the one to clean up this war zone, I can manage.” I needed the help of the witness stand to get to my feet, but I pulled it off, huffing my triumph.
Quinn hopped up without any sign the angelic smiting had affected him.
He dusted his clothes off, and I spotted a shining, golden tattoo circling his wrist. I pointed at it. “What the hell is that?”
Quinn lifted his left arm, and his gaze locked onto his wrist. His eyes widened. “He didn’t.”
“He didn’t what?”
“Damn it. Grandpa either doesn’t trust us, doesn’t trust my idiot cousin, or just wanted to be a jerk and remind us our marriage is written in stone—permanently.
There’s good news: I’d like to watch someone who isn’t me try to get into your pants.
These things will be entertaining should that happen. ”
I checked my wrist, and sure enough, I had one, too.
“What are these things?” I couldn’t tell if writing or meaningless patterns circled my wrist. “It’s a tattoo.
An angel smited me and slapped a tattoo onto my wrist. Oh!
Is this the mystical ball and chain I keep hearing about?
It’s prettier than I expected. Wait. If a woman starts pawing all over you… ”
“She’ll get zapped.”
“Someone invented woman repellent.” I hugged my wrist to my chest. “And to think I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life beating off the competition.”
“And now I’m thinking Grandpa may have realized your self-esteem issues are actually coupled with jealousy-induced anxiety.”
I scowled at him. “Have you checked your reflection in the mirror? I’m pretty sure there’s a disproportionate number of men who’d sleep with you given half a chance. You’re not allowed to give those men a chance, either.”
Hanging his head, he sighed. “This is all my grandfather’s fault.”
“Which one? Because seriously, Quinn, there are three realistic options. Four if you count your great-grandfather. For a non-human, Anubis is pretty handsome. I’m also pretty sure your centaur grandmother played a significant role in your sexiness factor. She’s gorgeous.”
Quinn sighed again, louder and longer. “Anubis is packing divinity. Of course he’s handsome. Just be glad my great-grandmother showed up looking like a cat. She’s the one who taught the succubi their tricks. Let’s get out of here before it gets anymore awkward—and trust me, it will.”
“You know what? I’m not going to ask. Let’s bail before the cops show up.”
With a quiet laugh, Quinn grabbed hold of my hand. “You learn fast.”
I pointed at the brawl, snorted, and headed for the wall, dodging the writhing mass of bodies on my way out the door, pausing long enough to snag Perky and Nilman so they wouldn’t be left to face the terrors of Quinn’s family.