2. This officially sucks. #3
“Whatever works. I’ll try to defuse the Dover situation. What do you want me to do about that washed-out cadet? He’s going to become a problem.”
“Get what information you can on him. When I’m finished with him, he’ll regret the day he thought he could touch my wife,” I swore.
Bailey
As I couldn’t drive worth a shit and Perkette wanted to reach Vegas sometime this year, I navigated.
Navigation I could do. I didn’t even need a map to guide her across the city to the mainland.
After that, I informed my new, fancy phone I wanted to go to the Venetian in Las Vegas, and it dutifully relayed directions at the appropriate intervals.
I loved my new phone, and the next time my husband tried to coax me into accepting something a little shinier than the cheapest model available on the market, I’d listen to him.
“Did you know Quinn believes he can’t teach me how to use his laptop to save his life?
The same goes for all tech. I’ve convinced him I’m completely and totally hopeless with all technology.
In reality, I can use his phone like a boss.
He just doesn’t know that. According to him, it’s a miracle I know how to text him.
Am I a bad wife for liking when he does all the computer things for me because he likes it?
” I held up my new phone. “He’ll like this phone.
He’ll be delighted I picked it. It’s the most expensive model of the brand he likes. ”
“You’re not stupid, Bailey. Why are you playing dumb with your husband?”
“It confuses him,” I admitted. “And he has this really cute expression when he gets flustered. Then he tries to help so much, so I feel bad when I can do something on my own, but he’s so eager to help.”
“You know how to use his laptop, don’t you? And his phone. And all of the technological doodads in your house.”
I loved that a scientist referred to technology as doodads. “Maybe a little.”
“This is going to be so good. Describe your actual skill with his computer, please.”
“I hate not knowing how to do something, so I looked it up online. Next thing I knew, I was upgrading his antivirus and basic protections because his are shit, but he doesn’t know his are shit because I run mine in the background.
And because I added extra programs, I may have taken his laptop to a store for a memory upgrade so he wouldn’t notice.
He hasn’t. He’s a very confused man sometimes.
Well, I might sometimes tell him about weird porn to see what he’ll do.
He gets so embarrassed, Perkette. And the best part?
He has no idea if I’ve actually watched any of it. ”
“Have you?”
“Hell no. Why would I? I’m married to an incubus.
Well, that’s not quite true. I tried watching one once because I was curious.
The girl looked bored, and the guy looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than a studio filming porn.
It wasn’t sexy. At all. And they couldn’t act worth a shit.
I just browse for weird porn ideas in stealth mode and make a mental note of the interesting headlines to tease him. ”
“That must drive him crazy.”
“I don’t do it on purpose—usually. He just worries he isn’t being husbandly enough, and then I try to tell him he’s so much better than those weirdos who think watching each other pee is sexy.”
“Don’t you mean pee on each other?”
I snickered. “Quinn isn’t sure, and it drives him insane.
He’s part angel, Perkette. Even the thought of checking porn for any reason freaks him out.
All he’d have to do is ask what I’m doing.
I’d tell him. While laughing. I can’t help it.
He makes the best expressions, and it’s so hard to keep from laughing. ”
“And add in his obsession with making you laugh, and it’s a recipe for disaster. One of these days, you’re going to choke to death trying not to laugh, and he’s going to have a heart attack from twisted porn. It’s a good thing porn is legal or he’d already be halfway in his grave.”
“It doesn’t hurt—or help—that I sometimes spike dinner with pixie dust without telling him.”
“You are half the reason you don’t get enough sleep.”
I grinned. “At least I’m honest about it.”
“You know what? I can’t blame you. If Arthur packed incubus genes, I’d be running on a lack of sleep and need an intervention, too. Trust me on this one, Bailey. Even vanilla human men like their sex plentiful.”
“I’d say I know that, but then I’d be lying.”
“I feel like I need to take you to some strip clubs when we’re in Vegas. Your innocence isn’t refreshing. It’s downright terrifying.”
“It’s Quinn’s fault,” I announced. “It’s all his fault. He walks in the room, and I forget other men exist. I’ve been told this is a good thing.”
“For someone who is part angel like your chief? Yeah, it’s a good thing.”
“What do you think he’ll do when he finds out?”
“I don’t know, Bailey,” Perkette admitted. “Let’s go find out. Have your phone take us to Atlantic City. We’ll begin our reign of terror there.”