19. I no die, right? #3
“You know full well why that won’t be happening, Chief Quinn.”
I grumbled curses over standard protocols. “I’d like to file the official request for angelic verification in the case, especially as there are ties with Winfield’s attempt to sell my wife into slavery.”
“Now that is a request I can meet. I’ll keep you in the loop, and I’ll notify the FBI about your interest in being involved. If he puts up a fight, I expect you’ll be given the nod to deal with him. And if he runs, we’d be involving your wife anyway. How did the napalm experiment go?”
“Tiffany? What napalm experiment?”
“Gassing a unicorn up on napalm before a long run. It worked great. The second leg of the trip, I gassed her up on diesel. That wasn’t as efficient, but she broke records. Hell, she beat most planes.”
I relayed the information.
“Excellent. I’ll mark on her file to allow access to small amounts of napalm for when she needs to make a run. I’m still barring access to large quantities of napalm, however.”
“Wise. How long do you think it’ll take to get a tanker here?”
“Call it three hours; we’ll have to make a batch of napalm in Vegas. Can I call you back on this number?”
“Yes. It belongs to Tiffany Perkins.”
“More trouble,” Clemmends muttered.
I laughed because it was true. “Indeed.”
“I’ll notify you when Morriston is dealt with. Stay accessible,” Clemmends ordered before hanging up on me.
Shaking my head, I gave Tiffany her phone. “Three hours. I’m going to see about shifting to a unicorn and doing a sweep of the building.”
“While a unicorn?”
“Easier to prevent spread of rabies and possibly gorgon dust. If I become contaminated, I’ll burn it off with the napalm. Just have them flood the entire complex with napalm when they arrive. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Bailey
The next time Anubis suggested I play twenty questions with him, I’d just stab him with my horn.
Death at his hands seemed a great deal more merciful than trying to figure out how the hell I could possibly have four parents, who my other two parents were, and how I’d gone for so long believing a lunatic like me had come from a pair of vanilla assholes.
In retrospect, it’d been rather obvious something had been very, very fishy about my ancestry.
“This game suck,” I announced, stomping a hoof. “I never guess right.”
“Try again,” Anubis replied, mocking me with his canine grin. “I’ll pretend I didn’t give you several tries already. Your mythology can’t be this bad.”
“Can be. Divines suck. It hard enough to keep track of crazy Quinn family,” I complained. “Why you make me guess parents? You mean.”
“It’s keeping you busy while waiting for the ambrosia to wear off, and you can’t return to Earth until it does. It will only take another hour or two unless you burn off a lot of magic.”
I perked my ears forward. “Map, chalk, ink, paper? I make trail! That burn magic, yes?”
“Yes, I suppose it would.”
“Give!”
Anubis grumbled something in another language, swept out his hand, and snapped his fingers. The items I asked for manifested on the ground.
Whinnying, I snatched the map in my teeth, which depicted the entire United States, and I shook it out, spreading it over the grass. “Open ink, please.”
Anubis chuckled but did as asked. “I’ll be very curious to see if you can open a pathway back to Samuel.”
“Oh, that good idea. I was going to try for mystery mother or father, but I like that idea better.”
“You would.” Shaking his head, my grandfather set the paper in front of me and picked up the piece of chalk. “Would you like me to powder this for you?”
“Please.” I concentrated on the map, and since I already knew where my Quinn was, I tapped the spot with a claw. Put there once powder.”
The chalk didn’t stand a chance, and the Egyptian wolf god dumped the powder onto the map as directed.
I engaged in a staring contest with the map and the pile of chalk. “Path to Quinn. No toy with me, magic. To Quinn.”
The divine howled his laughter, fell over onto his side, and writhed.
The only appropriate response was to claw and bite him into submission, but before I could act on the impulse, the chalk erupted into golden light, and a trail formed leading across the sunlit, grassy plain. “Oh, path. I kick and bite you later,” I promised.
“Must you?”
I snorted flame, lifted my head, and trotted after the glowing trail. “Yes. You earn no kick or bite with bribes.”
“You’re ruthless.”
I swished my tail, pleased with the divine’s complaints. “I try. Now, hurry. You no fall behind. You slow.”
“Sane people are afraid of me, you know.”
“Sane people not your grand-daugh-ter. You like me, no lie. Have to be a little insane to deal with crazy Quinn family,” I muttered. ”Be happy I little insane.”
“I’m getting you a dictionary for Christmas, and we’re going to sit together and learn new words. None of those words mean what you think they mean. For example, you are not a little insane. You are a lot insane. Also, our family is not that crazy.”
“While you get me dic-shun-air-ee, I get you mental help. You need.”
Anubis sighed.