Chapter 6 #2
They were huddled into something that felt like an elevator and the ding took them up.
A long alley, a swipe to open a door and then the way cleared in front of her, the men sieving away.
Atharva ushered her inside the door and pulled it shut, staying out himself.
She jumped at the click. Then glanced around.
It looked like a hotel room, luxurious, with a double bed, the view of the mountains from pristine windows.
Gul’s head shifted. Iram glanced down but she was passed out cold. She glanced behind her at the door but there was nothing there. Atharva had pulled it shut in quiet rage. She didn’t know what was going on or how he was here. Was he even here officially? The thought sent a chill down her spine.
Iram padded to the bed and lay Gul in the middle of the bed. She pulled the duvet over her, making a mental note to get Atharva to call Mehrunisa immediately. The alarm would have sounded by now. And if Faiz found out about Atharva… another shiver rolled down her spine.
The door beeped open and in strode Atharva, the alley behind him now deserted, Fahad behind him. Fahad froze, his face shocked.
“The child’s mother,” Atharva barked. “Do you have her number?”
She gaped.
“I am asking, do you have her number?”
Iram snapped — “Yes, yes…”
“Give it to Fahad.”
“She is my sis…” Iram stopped.
“He knows.”
She swallowed — “Mehrunisa. She is my… sister. She needs to be informed.”
“Does she know about you?”
“Yes. But her brother does not know. Please, be careful… the alarm would have sounded. We abandoned the car and came to the mosque to you…”
Atharva’s shocked eyes lit with twin embers — “You came to me?”
“The driver said Indian Kashmir’s CM was here. I couldn’t leave Gul alone so we got down to get chestnuts. The mosque was cordoned so I waited outside…”
Nothing happened on his face. He took a deep breath — “Give Fahad your sister’s number.”
Iram relayed the number from memory, then saw Atharva give a nod before Fahad looked at her with a semblance of a smile and stepped back, closing the door behind him.
The room was plunged into silence.
Iram stared at Atharva. He looked suddenly like a stranger. He hadn’t looked so strange earlier.
She saw him walk down the room, pushing out of his jacket.
His white shirtsleeve was splattered with dried red.
Iram covered the distance between them and reached for his bicep but he grabbed hers and snatched her into his chest. Her head bounced on that solid wall and her breath stuck again.
Her body broke into shivers. Her face rose, chin on his sternum, looking into his still blank eyes.
They were sparked with something now. Like a current.
Her body wracked, disintegrating. Something was extremely right and something was absolutely not.
Her face twisted. That sob rose again. Her mouth opened, the first syllable of his name still stuck.
He did not look away.
She opened her mouth, tried again. A gasp of an ‘a,’ tongue to the back of her teeth, rolling to the back of her dry mouth. A gasp of a ‘v.’
His arms came around her and she was engulfed into him. Her cocoon. A wail rose from her throat. Her mouth pushed wide open and she wailed with that chasm on his chest. Babies are gone. Babies are gone. I am gone. You have to bear this.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, so… ryyy…” were the words that came out instead.
Everything is gone.
“Aaaaaah,” she wailed without noise, teeth scraping into the surface of his chest, saliva sticking to his shirt, face pressing into his bones.
We are alone.
“Aaaaaaaaaah.” His arms banded tight around her, pushing whatever was left of her into him.
They tightened to the point of pain and she welcomed it.
This pain is not enough. I am in too much pain.
Take it away. You don’t deserve it. Still take it away.
Help me. Don’t come near. I am drowning. Save me. You don’t drown with me.
“Aaahhhhh,” her teeth pressed down into the fabric of his shirt and his hand came to push her face deeper into his heart, the wild thuds heavy in her ear.
Iram fisted his shirt in both her hands, holding on with the only anchor that was left.
Her. Not even a full version of her. Iram. Myani zuv. Iram Kaul.
Take me. Keep me. Remind me who I am. Keep reminding me. Don’t leave me. Don’t let me leave myself.
A shrill cry jolted her out of his arms.
Iram whizzed her head around. Was that an animal? Was it from another room?
The sound came again, this time shriller, louder, a wail — like a song, the octave going higher and then lower. A child’s cry? She blanched when Atharva abandoned her and began to stride towards a door on the side of the room. Her feet trembled.
Eyes burning, face freezing, body turning into stone, she stared as he threw the door open and walked in to Begumjaan rocking a baby. A baby. Whose baby?
He took the bundle in his own arms and cooed, his words loud but nothing but vibrations on her ears. She tried to pop them, tried to clear her eyes that saw this but didn’t. And then he turned.
“Aaaaaaaah,” she staggered, her knees buckling back up before they gave away. She threw her arms out, pushing back from this vision. Atharva walked across the room, that bundle real, in his arms. Moving. Alive.
“No,” she muttered, not able to tear her eyes off it. “No.”
He kept walking towards her.
“No, no, no,” she kept walking back, feeling the inside of her head heat up.
Questions started popping up. And a split second later, she gasped; possibilities too outlandish to be true.
Atharva blurred in front of her eyes and then spun.
She blinked out, and this time she knew that her legs would give away.
Her knees connected with rough carpet, her body turning away from how resolutely he was coming towards her, his eyes enraged. Blistering.
“No,” Iram whimpered, crying, trying to turn away from him. He stooped down to her and the baby’s face came into her field of vision. She tore her eyes away.
“No, no, no no no no!” She hyperventilated, trying to think of this as a nightmare, trying and failing miserably to look away from Atharva’s gaze. She shook her head again, begging him with her eyes to change this. To change what she was thinking.
“No no no no no no… this…”
“Iram.”
“No, no, no… no no,” she pushed away from him and found the bedpost stinging her back. “This is… not…”
Atharva stood up in one fluid motion, his gaze blazing down at her.
“This is our son, and I will not allow you to make him feel any less welcome.”
Everything working in overdrive inside her suddenly shut down.