Chapter 37 #2
“Life-wise, all is good. Work-wise,” she glanced surreptitiously at Atharva.
“Things could be better. But this government is hardly five months old. Law and order is one thing, but it takes time to bring things back to status quo too. The Dal Film Festival was a success last month. Did you see the photos and videos I sent you,” she asked Atharva.
“You worked very hard on it and I wanted you to be the first to know that we managed to get Cannes Film Festival to cover it. Fifty-five old Indian classics were screened over three weeks. And we got more locals than tourists, which was a feat in the month of September.”
Atharva smiled again. Non-committal, no-comment smile. Silence settled.
“And how is the house?” Iram kept the stream going. “Begumjaan told me you oversaw the last cleanup.”
“It is in top condition. There was a short circuit in the downstairs bathroom but it’s been taken care of. Ada came to collect her certificates from your father’s house…”
“Yes. She wants to apply for an internship.”
“Isn’t she coming here after her course?”
“She is still thinking. She came to us during her Navratri break. Now for Diwali, they are going on a trip to Hampi.”
Amaal glanced at Atharva. “She does not have security anymore.”
“I am aware.”
Amaal frowned. “She is no more in the scope of threat but…”
“Mirza takes care of it,” Atharva stated.
“But he is in Srinagar.”
“It’s a need-basis thing.”
Amaal sat back. Silence stretched again.
“Qureshi wants to talk to you,” Samar broke it.
“Hmm?” Atharva observed. “He has my number.”
“He wants to talk face-to-face.”
“He knows where I am living nowadays.”
“Daniyal refuses to meet him. He thinks you are brainwashing him.”
Atharva scoffed, bitter amusement hot on his face. “What am I supposed to do? Let Daniyal go and live in a rented flat to ‘not brainwash’ him? I know why Qureshi has let Daniyal live with me. He thinks he is sly but others have brains that work too.”
Iram’s eyes widened. “Why did Qureshi let Daniyal live with us?” She thought it was because there was irreparable damage between father and son and even though Daniyal was an adult, Qureshi wanted him to be under a safe, familiar roof.
Atharva’s flint of a gaze hesitated.
“Atharva, is it so that he can keep an eye on us?”
He smiled suddenly — “Daniyal?”
Iram felt stupid to even think that.
“Meer Hasan Qureshi staged a coup against his CM. That news only went out as a rumour. What will he do now to curb that rumour?”
Show to the people of Jammu & Kashmir that the ex-CM is hosting his son in his house in Shimla.
That their relationship is just as it used to be.
Still family. Iram felt even more stupid for not reading that.
She loved Daniyal, and that is why she felt even more affronted on his behalf. Qureshi was using his son as a pawn?
Samar sighed — “Atharva, I don’t want to sound like his advocate but the four of us have to come to the table at some point. The party cannot run like this.”
“I don’t have a seat at the table in Kashmir anymore. Not until I am persona non grata there. As far as HDP is concerned, I am doing what you want me to do. I don’t see what more I can do.”
“You are doing a whole lot of party building here so do not turn it on me. I gave you the base to restart…”
Iram felt her breath stall. Samar stalled too, as usual having said cutting things without thinking them through.
Iram knew his nature by now, she saw how he had zero filter when he was angry.
And there was so much angst, bitterness, poison inside him that it always came out fizzing.
She had been at the receiving end of many of those lashes.
But she was not his friend. Things he said hadn’t hit her hard after that first time.
To her husband, though…
“I thank you for the opportunity.”
“Fuck, I did not mean it like that,” Samar sat up, agitated. His eyes came to her, panicked. Then went back to Atharva. “You know I did not mean it like that. This is your party too.”
Atharva nodded. “Try and keep the F word in check now. He is picking up,” he eyed his son, blissfully unaware of the said F word this time.
“I did not mean it, Atharva. I swear I did not. I just need KDP to come together again.”
“I know.”
“We can have the meeting here. You, me, Adil, Zorji and Qureshi. Low level, informal. But things need to start rolling again. We have panchayat elections next year in Kashmir and Ladakh. Party workers need your support and strategy.”
“I thought my MLAs are now Qureshi’s.”
“Don’t act ignorant. MLAs left, but base-level workers are still sympathetic towards you.”
“Listen, I cannot come there. Indefinitely. There is no point in giving false hope to anybody. Also, I don’t want to create more problems for myself or my family by getting involved in anything in Kashmir right now.
If I am ordered to remain out of the state, I will make sure I remain out and not give the opposition, the government or the SIT any opportunity to add onto my sentence.
I suggest you take Adil for strategising.
Make Sonam his deputy. He has good insights and ideas both. ”
And what more could be said after that? This was the first time Atharva had openly accepted that this exile was long-lasting. As his wife, she only got to her feet and announced — “Let’s move to the dining table. Daniyal will be home soon, we can start eating then.”
————————————————————
“So?” Iram asked Amaal as they walked down the garden in the bungalow’s backyard.
The men were sitting in the hall, lit in rich orange lighting that was diffusing out through the glass windows.
She saw them laughing, making some joke at Daniyal’s expense, who was holding Yathaarth on his shoulders, wrestling him down on the nest of pillows Atharva had spread on the floor.
“So what?” Amaal bit into her kulfi stick, following her gaze. “Do you realise you are raising a toddler and a teenager all at once?”
Iram smiled — “I never think about it in those terms. It’s like Daniyal was always here. And he is such a good boy to live with. He has his quirks and his days. But… how to say it? They are all ours too. Atharva and he are so close. Maha also wants to come stay here, you know?”
“Sarah told me. She wants to study hard and go to Dani bhai’s college so she can come live with you guys.”
Iram shook her head, turning her eyes away from the happy scene in the hall. Samar and Atharva with their prodigy who was in turn with his own tiny prodigy trying to eat his nose.
“How is your book coming about?”
“Releasing this week.”
“What? How do I not know this?”
“Because we are not doing a big release event or anything.”
“Why?” Amaal stopped in her tracks. “Iram, if it’s because of Atharva’s externment then let me tell you that you are not affected by that. And your book will get a pan-India, a pan-world release…”
Iram smiled — “It’s not just that. There are multiple reasons.”
“You can’t do this to your career.”
“Do what?”
“Scale down like this.”
“On the contrary, this book is going into a 10,000-copy first edition print. Ten times Rescuing Heaven.”
“That’s… you deserve the fame, Iram.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Why?”
“I never wanted it, Amaal. Never vied for it. It was good. The book tours, the events, the talks. But after what has happened, to me and to Atharva, I want to stay on the low. I don’t want any attention on us.”
“You are sacrificing your career for Atharva.”
“No. I am strengthening my career into a more solid base for Atharva, and me and the family. Every release will bring five minutes of fame, and considering what we have seen, the bad kind is greater than the good kind. At this point, it will certainly be. That’s what Sherry anticipates too.
So why chase it? The focus must be on the book, not on who wrote it. ”
Amaal stared at her, silent.
“And,” Iram continued, smiling. “If I channel those marketing efforts into writing instead, I can have my third book out sooner and it will mean a a faster backlist, better revenue and a stronger base for us.”
Amaal’s mouth pursed.
“Don’t worry, you’ll still get a signed copy which you will not read.”
“Because I will keep it in a vacuum box and auction it for crores after ten years.”
Iram chuckled, turning and resuming their walk.
“Iram?”
“Hmm?”
“Is everything ok financially? I don’t have that much to help with but, are you all fine?”
“We are fine. Thank you for asking. Atharva shamelessly says that his wife is strong enough to run the house single-handedly,” she grinned, glancing back at him separating Yathaarth and Daniyal from one of their patent wrestling matches.
“Which is crazy, because he manages it all so effortlessly. But Arth is growing, our goals are shifting as a family as we move from his baby phase into his schooling phase. Expenses just keep multiplying as kids grow.”
“Either have kids, or buy couture. Can’t do both,” Amaal shrugged.
“That’s enough about me. What is happening with you and Samar?”
“Nothing is happening.”
“Weren’t you two together? Didn’t you cry and stick yourself to his bedside for months after his accident?”
“He recovered then.”
“Amaal.”
“I am serious.”
“So am I. Did he say he did not want to get married?”
“No.”
Iram’s eyes widened. She had expected that answer to be yes.
“That means he wants to get married?”
Amaal opened her mouth and let out a breath of condensation. Winter outside as well as inside her mouth, thanks to the kulfi.
“Samar is not a man I can live with.”
“But you love him.”
“He is good to love from afar. You saw how he is. That can be acceptable once, twice, maybe three times. As friends from afar, you can even forgive that behaviour. But living a lifetime with that? I know where he comes from, I see his habits, his shortcomings, his compulsions, even his suffering. I can accept all of that. Today, I know I will be able to live with it because love is young and everything is rosy. But Iram, we get bored of a phone within a month. Nothing is novel forever. And when novelty wears off, I do not want to scream back at him after his nonsense. I don’t want it to become a daily ritual between us. It’s not cute every time.”
“Did you tell him all this?”
She shook her head.
“Why?”
“That man lives on the precipice of guilt and self-loathing. You want me to add onto it?”
“But if you are not committing to him then it’s anyway adding onto it.”
“It’s not as if he has asked me to commit.”
“You just said he wants to get married.”
“He has just spoken about settling. Believe it or not, he is planning to settle here in Shimla.”
“Of course he is, he is the President of HDP and basically its founder.”
“Not for that.”
They stopped, staring at each other.
Iram’s eyes widened — “You can’t be serious. For us?”
Amaal nodded. “Professionally, they are going through a tough time. I know Samar can be a selfish, smug asshole and sometimes he is that to Atharva. The ego wars are real. But I also know that he cannot survive without Atharva.”
Like a parasite, Iram thought to herself.
“As I said, he has talked about getting a house here. He can’t buy because he doesn’t hold a domicile but his plans are elaborate.”
“And he is discussing them with you, which means he is seeing you in them. Ask him, Amaal. And then talk to him.”
“What’s the hurry?”
“Trust me, time passes in a blink. Now, when I look at the years I spent in our home in Srinagar, I feel like they were as short as a few weeks. I did not appreciate our home enough. I did not appreciate the Atharva I got in that home enough. I didn’t appreciate my home enough.
Things pass, Amaal. You have seen things pass us by.
Don’t wait. If he is in the right space, talk it out.
Whatever the outcome may be — marry or don’t, that is your decision.
And yes, I agree with you. Some behaviours are acceptable momentarily but not as a habit.
But it was you who told me once that in work, like in any relationship, you have to accept the bad with the good.
But until you tell him that’s your hurdle to him, you won’t know if he is ready to cross it for you. ”
“Hmm…” Amaal sucked on her kulfi and did not say anything else. They strolled in silence.
“Amaal?” Samar’s holler brought them up short. They turned in unison, only to find him on the kitchen door.
“Are you ready to go?”
She frowned. “I am staying here tonight.”
Samar frowned back. He stepped through the door and strode towards them. His eyes came to her and Iram stepped away — “You both talk. I’ll head back inside.”
She began to walk back to the kitchen door. It was a long way up and the wind was cold as well as heavy, muffling the sounds of the world. Iram was at the threshold when Amaal’s holler made her stop.
“Iram! I am not staying here.”
She smiled to herself, stepped inside the kitchen and closed the door.